How much is too much?

[loredo21]

For the love of God! What is it with you people?

I've poured out my heart here with a the intent of finding closure. It should be very clear that I am tortured over who I've become through all this and what I've done. It blows my mind that there are people who get off though other peoples suffering. I thought by joining here and telling my story I would find comfort in some strange way with others who were also hurting. I'm sorry if my words don't come out the way you wish to hear them! If you go back to my original question...it was just that, a question. I don't require your lectures and I don't intend to sit here while you spit nails in my direction for your own benefit.

Some of you are clearly on the opposite end of this scenario...I get that. But I've never once said if you weren't such a down right nasty person maybe they wouldn't have cheated...have I? I am miserable over what I've done which is more then I could say for some.

My experience here has been awful! It's so sad that grown people need to come to a place like this and bully those who already feel bad about themselves. It's pathetic! You hide behind false identities and your self righteousness. You know who you are, and you should be ashamed!

Thank you to the few of you who have left kind words for me. I think my time here is over. I've beaten myself up enough over the past few weeks...I don't need any more help with that.

 

Don't let a few bad apples spoil the bunch. I would recommend staying over on the "other" board until you are strong enough and out of this initial level of suffering. Seems like many here wish us OW to continue suffering for as long as possible. Even though I'm R with my H I still don't feel comfortable enough to post a whole lot on this board. Chin up, it gets easier!

[waterwoman]

I don't see a great deal of unkindness here. I see people answering your question and one questioning your motives (believe me if you had seen some of the subtle and not so subtle BS-goading that goes on here you'd understand). However most of us answered honestly and it stings little to be described as 'you people' - there isn't an 'us' or a 'them' just people who are hurt.

[Steadfast]

Don't let a few bad apples spoil the bunch. I would recommend staying over on the "other" board until you are strong enough and out of this initial level of suffering. Seems like many here wish us OW to continue suffering for as long as possible.

 

This post demonstrates just how convoluted people can be. The unwritten rule seems to be; do whatever you want, justify as you go. If I'm a bad apple for pointing out the injustice of suffering by those who have no choice in the matter, so be it. When the wheels come off, the cheater's common need isn't understanding, it's consolation. Cowards demand protection from the consequences of their actions. The strong take critical aim to improve.

[nofool4u]

For the love of God! What is it with you people?

I've poured out my heart here with a the intent of finding closure. It should be very clear that I am tortured over who I've become through all this and what I've done. It blows my mind that there are people who get off though other peoples suffering. I thought by joining here and telling my story I would find comfort in some strange way with others who were also hurting. I'm sorry if my words don't come out the way you wish to hear them! If you go back to my original question...it was just that, a question.

 

So lets look at that question again: "At what point do you (or did you) decide that the degree of infidelity you're faced with is too much to consider reconciliation?"

 

I suppose I had to know your story first, and now I see that you are/were an OW.

 

So knowing this, what is the purpose of your question?

 

You have to realize that coming into this section of the site you are going to have BS's naturally wonder why you are asking that question. The question, whether or not you intended it that way, is going to be perceived as you wanting to know how much a BS is going take before they leave so OW/OM can have the cheating spouse.

 

You also have to know, if people know your status, that it WILL rub people the wrong way.

 

 

I don't require your lectures and I don't intend to sit here while you spit nails in my direction for your own benefit.

Some of you are clearly on the opposite end of this scenario...I get that.

 

And knowing this, you posted this question in Infidelity anyway. Did you ever put yourself on "this side" and see how one would see the intention of your question?

 

But I've never once said if you weren't such a down right nasty person maybe they wouldn't have cheated...have I?

 

But we know you are thinking it.

 

 

I am miserable over what I've done which is more then I could say for some.

My experience here has been awful! It's so sad that grown people need to come to a place like this and bully those who already feel bad about themselves. It's pathetic!

 

Again, you are coming into a section of the forum where people have been "bullied" in a sense by people just like you and their spouse. Of course they are going to be angry.

 

Now, even though I am one of the tougher people on cheaters, OW/OM, I will refrain from such, only to say I too would have to simply question your motive for asking the question.

 

Having said that, I answered your question in my previous post as someone simply answering the question not knowing your role in things.

[nofool4u]

Ok, I just read all of the replies, and nobody is bullying you whatsoever.

 

I don't even see the "lectures" of which you speak. I think what is happening here is a couple people simply questioned your motive for asking the question, and your defensiveness is all too telling.

 

Trust me, in a part of the forum that have been betrayed by their spouse and the pertinent OW/OM, you are being treated with the utmost civility.

 

So after reading the replies, I have to wonder just what "nasty" comments you received. If there were any, they must have been removed. Because I see nothing in the way of nastiness in this thread.

 

If there were, I'm sorry about that. But you have to realize people WILL question your motives for asking the questions. And honestly, you answered with what seems to be a motive. "I want to believe that the relationship we had was special and the things he said to me were honest and true."

 

This more than likely is seen as you wanting BS's to valid your affair.

[nofool4u]

Seems like many here wish us OW to continue suffering for as long as possible.

 

No, we simply question why an OW would ask us BS/f-BS why we stayed. And her answer of "I want to believe that the relationship we had was special and the things he said to me were honest and true." kind of answered that question for us.