mtnbiker3000 Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Right now, I feel extremely depressed. I think I may have lost the love of my life. There were problems and things about her I did not like, but I am still feeling rejected, lonely, and heartbroken (she dumped me). I am scared I may never find someone to love again. I am scared to be in love again. I am scared of losing love again. I don’t know what to do. I feel since I am now 41 (although do often get mistaken for 5 to 7 years younger), my options are extremely limited. I had such a good thing (young, beautiful, intelligent, blessed, and gifted artistically), but lost it. Not entirely my fault, but I did contribute to the breakup with controlling behavior and poor listening skills. I always had to interrupt or talk over her. I always had to criticize her and suggest a better way of doing things. I could never let things be and just be happy. I will not make these mistakes again. I guess that’s all I can do as I can’t change the past, only the present and future. Unfortunately, that doesn’t help with the way I feel now. Right now…
McGriff Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Hey man, I am in the same exact boat as you, as I posted in my topic. I'm 42, fell in love with a 27 year old, who taught me how to love again after a long marriage. She dumped me out of the blue, and it's been really hard. I mean like CRAZY hard. I think about her constantly, and have many of the same fears you have. It is definitely a blow to my confidence and self-esteem and probably most of all my ego. I mean, women find me attractive, but I am an intelligent guy and am very picky. Sometimes, I think, 'I'll never find another woman as beautiful, intelligent, and have such a connection ever again.' Just know you are not alone, brother.
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 Yeah McGriff, I was reading your post. Similar indeed. However, I have never been married, and was with my ex-finace for 3 years. She was the love of my life. Started out so fantastic (for first 1 or 2 years), but slowly faded, rather than abrupt. Now I am stuck in the small town we moved to together having to move out of our nice 3 bed 2 bath house to a ****ty 1 bed 1 bath appt. and don't know anybody except for a few co-workers (acquaintances) at my dead-end job that barely pays the bills. At least it sounds like you've got some awesome positive aspects of your life to fall back on. House, career, money, etc... I feel so defeated right now
The Tallest One Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Hi guy's, I'm 43 and was married 4.5 years ago was when she left me. We were together for twelve years. Three weeks ago my last gf ended our roller coaster almost two year relationship and it's still very painful. I remember when my ex wife left, I was 39 and felt I woul never meet anyone again or love again. I can say you both will find love again. Don't worry about age. Allow yourselves time to heal, work on yourselves as I am trying to do and in time you will get your confidence back and be able to meet someone again. It's not easy as I know, but you have to be patient and have faith!
McGriff Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Mtnbiker, I completely understand the defeated feeling. And let me tell you, money and possessions have no effect on a broken heart. As long as you have enough to pay bills, we are in the same boat, my friend. These last 3 weeks have been miserable for me. MISERABLE. You definitely have more invested in your 3 yr relationship than my 5 monther, but I mean I was head over heels with this woman. We talked excitedly about the future, and even the possibility of having a child together, and believe me, that's A BIG DEAL for me. So, just know you are not alone in your thoughts and misery index. Hopefully you can take some small amount of comfort in that
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 Thanks for the awesome support guys. Feels soooo good to talk and be heard. I think as men we get short changed when it comes to support on these matters. I know my ex has a ton of friends and family who are at her beck and call for this. Who is my emotional support? Well, it was her... But obviously that won't work. I'll post more latter, as it really feels good to do so...
McGriff Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 No problem! There is actually a therapeutic result of posting on here and hearing about people in similar situations. I know I certainly have gotten alot out of this place the last 24 hours. Has helped me through this dark time.
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 After some research, I discovered that wonderful feeling during the first 6 or so months where everything is fantastic and thoughts are all longe term like marriage and being together forever, etc, is a chemical in our brains called OXYTOCIN. When it dies down, and the rush goes away, then the reality (and sometimes undoing) of the relatiuonship starts. I know I am going to proceed with caution from now on. Damn you oxytocin
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