missjones4812 Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 I keep seeing that no contact is the best way to handle your ex. In my case I have to see, talk to and text him on a pretty regular basis because we have a child together. I have been more than civil despite having caught him cheating, being willing to forgive him, having him leave anyways and move in with her and her 4 year old the same day he walked out on us. He barely knows this person and threw away 3 years and his chance to be a real fther without any warning. He never once said to me that he was unhappy or felt things were different between us... Advice on how to handle him, especially when he continues to hurt me and any other thoughts much appreciated!
Hope737 Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Handling a cheater is something that is always difficult. The trust, that was shattered and that special bond between you both has been broken and it's hard to look beyond the betrayal. I don't currently have a child of my own in my life but you do, and that is a wonderful gift. You are extremely lucky to have such a wonder in your life. Your child is a part of you and always will be. Focus on this fact and you can power through. I know for sure that it hurts having an ex in your life who has caused you so much grief but just be civil for now. You don't have to be friends at the moment but just take it easy. Just be civilised with eachother and see how that goes! 1
Author missjones4812 Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 Thank you! I have been very civil considering the situation and my child is what is getting me through this. I don't think I would be doing as well as I am if he wasn't here . Everytime I speak to him though, he twists the knife a little deeper. Like last week, he couldn't get our son because he was going in a date. Its apparent that his child now cones second to this new relationship, and he tells me that. Its like haven't you hurt me enough?? I wish he would just sign off his parental rights and we never had to see him again!
TigerCub Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Thank you! I have been very civil considering the situation and my child is what is getting me through this. I don't think I would be doing as well as I am if he wasn't here . Everytime I speak to him though, he twists the knife a little deeper. Like last week, he couldn't get our son because he was going in a date. Its apparent that his child now cones second to this new relationship, and he tells me that. Its like haven't you hurt me enough?? I wish he would just sign off his parental rights and we never had to see him again! OMG Missjones that is so sad It goes without saying he's an ungrateful as*hole! I just wanted to wish you strength and patience and good luck. Concentrate on your boy and try to move on (in time I hope the hurt fades). Keep tabs of such incidents with him for the future (you never know what happens and if for whatever reason you end up in court over child visitation or support issues, it would be handy to keep a log of how often he visits you child and on the days he blows his own son off - what those reasons are)
Author missjones4812 Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 Thanks Tiger Cub. It is nice to be apart of a community of people who can relate to my situation and actually do care . This is a very sad and very strange situation. He has done and continues to do so many terrible and hurtful things to both me and his son. For awhile I wanted him back, kept asking for him to come back. His only reason for doing this was in his words, "I guess I was just unhappy." But he can't tell me why. To me this is either a classic case of him thinking the grass is greener on the other side, or he just doesn't want the responsibility of fatherhood anymore. But to have myself and my son replaced by another person and her child makes me sick. I am finally realizing that this is his loss, one day he will realize what he gave up and that we are better off without him if this is the type of person he has become. I am still devestated and still have a lot of work to do on myself before I will be able to let anyone in the way I did with him. I hope someday I find someone that deserves me and my beautiful son!
TigerCub Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Thanks Tiger Cub. It is nice to be apart of a community of people who can relate to my situation and actually do care . This is a very sad and very strange situation. He has done and continues to do so many terrible and hurtful things to both me and his son. For awhile I wanted him back, kept asking for him to come back. His only reason for doing this was in his words, "I guess I was just unhappy." But he can't tell me why. To me this is either a classic case of him thinking the grass is greener on the other side, or he just doesn't want the responsibility of fatherhood anymore. But to have myself and my son replaced by another person and her child makes me sick. I am finally realizing that this is his loss, one day he will realize what he gave up and that we are better off without him if this is the type of person he has become. I am still devestated and still have a lot of work to do on myself before I will be able to let anyone in the way I did with him. I hope someday I find someone that deserves me and my beautiful son! Such true words! I don't blame you one bit for feeling such devastation - How could you not?! But please my dear, from now on, don't EVER ask for him back or plead with him in any way. I know that you must have a million questions and a billion things you feel were unsaid, but with people like him, whatever you say will fall on deaf ears and only at most work to stroke his ego and keep him treating you badly. People like that don't deserve good women like you. Also, whenever you dwell on the woman he's with now - just keep in mind that chances are he'll do the same to her (sooner rather than later) Stay strong
Author missjones4812 Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 Thanks so much. I have went to LC only to deal with our child, who is clearly still put 2nd and even 3rd to what he wants and his new "relationship". I am more angry now than anything. He texts me this am asking me to give a dvd player he said he didn't need back. Because his decision forced me and my child to have to pack up and move in 2 weeks the damn thing is in storage. I ignored his text and will continue to do so. I am not doing anything for you or the piece of trash you left us for...go buy a new one TWAT!
SharkTooth Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 MissJones, I can relate to what you are going thru and it sucks to hear how screwed up fathers can be. I went thru something similar 12 years ago with my son and his mother who turned out to be a very evil person. TigerClub has great advice. I hope I'm wrong but the truth is, you will end up in court and having a log of all events will be a huge benefit to you and your son. Buy a small calender and write notes on the day each event involving your son happened. Good and bad. not only what he has or hasn't done but you included. The judge will eat this up. The others are right in that you have been blessed with a son. He will bring incredible happiness in your life and will be with you for the rest of your life. I am a son and words can't describe how much I love my mom Good luck and stay strong 1
bada bing Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Missjones, Be glad he is out of your life romantically. Be very glad about that. It's great he still wants to be a father, but he has to be responsible and reliable in that role. Don't give him the satisfaction of your emotions, be polite but mentally strong around him. He will quickly notice that you don't care and it may lead him to respect you more. Take the high road, stay busy and focus on your child, he is not worth it.
Author missjones4812 Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 Well I am not sure he even wants to be a father. It is apparent his son comes 2nd and even 3rd to what he wants. He usually sees him on the weekend for a day. No messages, emails, phone call nothing. Found out he took off to Niagara Falls for the weekend. What a POS...i hope he signs off his parental rights. Life would be much easier without him. The best advice I got when I was pregnant was to always be prepared to do this alone, I just never thought I would have too
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