fall guy Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 I filed for divorce a week ago, and now I have a tremendous amount of guilt. The short story is that I believe my wife is BPD or ASPD. I don’t know this because every time I convince her to see a therapist, she convinces them there is nothing wrong with her. But over the past few years, she has been arrested for shoplifting three times (all three times she had the kids with her), arrested for vandalizing a car, fired from her last three jobs, and has terrible financial skills (40 bad checks in the past two years alone), and recently was sexting another man she met in a bar, trying to arrange a meeting. The bad part is that she denies all of this: the shoplifting incidents were all mistakes, getting fired was not her fault, and she denies trying to meet the other man (which is clear from the recovered texts). And not only does she deny, but she maliciously attacks me for even thinking she might be guilty of any of this. Not only does she has zero remorse, but she makes me feel absolutely CrAzY. We tried counseling about six months ago and our marriage counselor literally told her that he didn’t want to see her anymore. He could not take the manipulation any more. Then to top it off I found a couple of nice jackets in her closet last weekend with tags still on them and took them back to the store to confirm they were stolen. Again she had one of our kids with her at the time. When I confronted her, she become very defensive and insulted that I could accuse her of theft. We argued briefly, but I did not tell her I took one of the jackets back to the store. About 1:00 in the morning, she woke me up in a rage and cursed me as she hovered over me for suggesting that she might be shoplifting. I let her do this and eventually got up and left. I didn’t tell her until next day that I knew they were shoplifted. I filed for divorce the next day. I just can’t take it anymore. But yet, I feel a tremendous amount of guilt. Things are going to change dramatically for her. She’s going to have to move, get a job, she’s not going to have the same relationship with her kids, and she doesn’t have any friends to speak of. She’s going to be very lonely when she doesn’t have the kids. Why do I feel so bad for her? She’s done this all herself, yet I am compassionate and this is probably why our marriage has continued on this destructive path all these years. I’m like the spouse of an alcoholic that keeps going to the fridge to grab another beer. Is this codependent maybe?
TailSpin75 Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 I would guess you feel bad because you care about her - even though you don't see the marriage as the best thing.
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