alwaysrepetitive Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Why would a guy accuse a girl of rape when: a) she didn't rape him, they both consented to the sex b)they were friends c) he apparently liked her and she liked him and he knew it Why would he tell everyone she raped him,then tell the truth, that she didn't rape him, only to go back on the truth and say again she did rape him? Just to clarify, she didn't rape him. And I'm here for advice as she can't get over being falsely accused and would like to give her some advice. I'm worried about her and don't know how to advise her! Oh,and they don't talk now. Thanks
TigerCub Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Unless you are the guy or the girl in this story then you don't know what really happened. Just to be clear - I think people that falsely accuse of rape are terrible and it is just as bad as rape IMO because they rob that person of their name and their reputation (because there will always be doubt in some people's minds) and it is also very insulting to real rape victims!- so I'm not on the side of anyone that falsely accuses of rape. BUT in this story all I'm saying is that unless you were one of the two people involved you can't be 100% sure on what happened. Did this guy report it to the police? Need more details... 1
Author alwaysrepetitive Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 Thanks- I am the girl in the situation, haha! Just didn't know how to write it all out without coming across all emotional. No he didn't report it, as 'he didn't want his name on record.' The tables could have been turned and I could have accused him, but I didn't! I just can't get over it, and I never even got an apology!
s0medude Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Well this is a first.... Usually its the bogus rape claim from the consenting girl but hey what a world. I'll say it's probably a similar reason for both sexes, the unfortunate blurr between rape and sexual regret. Still I agree with the first poster, people who cry rape are disgusting.
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 If he hasn't pressed charges, just move on and forget about it. Seriously. 1
Buck Turgidson Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 How do you know he consented? To everything that happened? Was he sober? Did he consent to one thing but got pressured into something else?
Author alwaysrepetitive Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 I can understand the sexual regret thing but what I don't understand is why he would say I raped him. We've were intimate a few times before it happened. I didn't rape him as he consented and came onto me, like he did previously. He was the one that invited me over and back to his bedroom. And yes, we both had a few drinks on the night, but as stated he came onto me. Anyway, I'm not making excuses. He knows I didn't rape him and admitted he was lying to a few people. I just don't know why....and why he hasn't apologised. We're not in contact anymore, and it's hard to move on after being falesly accused of something especially as I thought he was my friend and he actually liked me. I just posting to get peoples thoughts on why he would do something like that.
Author alwaysrepetitive Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 (edited) I can understand the sexual regret thing but what I don't understand is why he would say I raped him. We've were intimate a few times before it happened. I didn't rape him as he consented and came onto me, like he did previously. He was the one that invited me over and back to his bedroom. And yes, we both had a few drinks on the night, but as stated he came onto me. Anyway, I'm not making excuses. He knows I didn't rape him and admitted he was lying to a few people. I just don't know why....and why he hasn't apologised. We're not in contact anymore, and it's hard to move on after being falesly accused of something especially as I thought he was my friend and he actually liked me. I just posting to get peoples thoughts on why he would do something like that. Edited March 12, 2013 by alwaysrepetitive
iKING Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 This sounds like a plea for attention more then anything. 1
TigerCub Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Going on the story you're giving us: That he invited you over, he came onto you, it was consensual and there wasn't any point where he wanted to stop or was forced into anything then him saying you raped him is just an ******* thing to do. I honestly couldn't think of ANY reason in the world to falsely accuse someone of rape. You can sue him for slander. He is ruining your reputation, it is causing you a lot of anxiety and just to clear you name - sue him. I honestly wouldn't take that **** - having someone going around spreading such a nasty rumor about me - I'd talk to a lawyer, find out if there is anything that can be done to press charges against him, sue him, whatever.
Author alwaysrepetitive Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 We haven't spoken in over a year. It just plays on my mind often, about why he'd do that. He said he didn't want to go to the police as he didn't want his name on record. I threatened to take him to court and said if he says that again I'll get a lawyer to send him a letter, we haven't spoken since. I just can't seem to get over being falsely accused....
Author alwaysrepetitive Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 This sounds like a plea for attention more then anything. From who? Him or Me?
iKING Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 From who? Him or Me? Him. How often do you hear of a women getting accused of raping a man? By default, it grabs attention and makes people ask questions. In turn it also makes him appear to be more desirable, since a woman (in his story) couldn't keep her lady fingers off of him.
Author alwaysrepetitive Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 Yeah I understand that...but surely there are other ways a man can get attention? He didn't have to wreck my feelings in the process...
iKING Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Yeah I understand that...but surely there are other ways a man can get attention? He didn't have to wreck my feelings in the process... I'm sorry you had to go through it. I was merely trying to rationalize it for you. The best you could do at this point is get an apology and have him tell people he was joking whenever the topic should arise in conversation.
TheGuard13 Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 1. It's a defense mechanism. He might regret getting involved. 2. To hurt you. To push you away. 3. To make sure you will stay away from him in the future. I had a girl accuse me of something similar in college at a job I worked at. It hurt a lot, and it took me a while to get over it as I already had some issues with women, but you have to basically tell yourself that they have issues and that their opinion doesn't really mean squat.
Author alwaysrepetitive Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 (edited) Thanks! He knew I liked him, maybe he was afriad I'd think about getting in a relationship with him or something? A I don't know. It was both our first time so he probably was feeling a bit emotional too afterwards I guess. I certainly wouldn't accuse someone of rape though, he could have ignored me or something...would've been better than accusing me. We saw each other a lot afterwards and he still acted all flirty with me when he wanted too. In fact, I was told a few times that he told friends 'I've slept with her.' Edited March 13, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
BetheButterfly Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Why would a guy accuse a girl of rape when: a) she didn't rape him, they both consented to the sex b)they were friends c) he apparently liked her and she liked him and he knew it Why would he tell everyone she raped him,then tell the truth, that she didn't rape him, only to go back on the truth and say again she did rape him? Just to clarify, she didn't rape him. And I'm here for advice as she can't get over being falsely accused and would like to give her some advice. I'm worried about her and don't know how to advise her! Oh,and they don't talk now. Thanks ? I don't know. It's possible he didn't want to have sex with her yet somehow she seduced him and he felt that equals rape? I am not really sure what a woman raping a man actually means, since men's and women's reproductive organs are different. Did he say that she raped him anally with something? Or, that she somehow made him hard and forced him to have vaginal/anal/oral sex with her? I have never met a man who said that a woman raped him... I have met a man who said that another man raped him anally. I also have friends who are women who have been raped by men. Regardless of who rapes who, rape is a very serious and horrible thing to do to someone. If someone is going to say that someone raped him/her, I do think it'd be good to file charges against that person and for that person to have a fair trial, as well as the rape victim to be protected, not blamed, and to not be merely dubbed as a liar. While sad to say there are people who do lie about rape, horribly many people who have truly been raped keep silent because they are afraid that others will simply dismiss the truth as a lie, and call them liars. That is a grave injustice... I wouldn't be so quick to call a person who says he/she has been raped a liar...
Author alwaysrepetitive Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 ? I don't know. It's possible he didn't want to have sex with her yet somehow she seduced him and he felt that equals rape? I am not really sure what a woman raping a man actually means, since men's and women's reproductive organs are different. Did he say that she raped him anally with something? Or, that she somehow made him hard and forced him to have vaginal/anal/oral sex with her? I have never met a man who said that a woman raped him... I have met a man who said that another man raped him anally. I also have friends who are women who have been raped by men. Regardless of who rapes who, rape is a very serious and horrible thing to do to someone. If someone is going to say that someone raped him/her, I do think it'd be good to file charges against that person and for that person to have a fair trial, as well as the rape victim to be protected, not blamed, and to not be merely dubbed as a liar. While sad to say there are people who do lie about rape, horribly many people who have truly been raped keep silent because they are afraid that others will simply dismiss the truth as a lie, and call them liars. That is a grave injustice... I wouldn't be so quick to call a person who says he/she has been raped a liar... I can understand where you are coming from, but he came onto me, invited me back to his bedroom..and we didn't have anal sex. He admitted he lied about me raping him and I didn't rape him, we both know I didn't rape him. I'm just upset as I don't know why he'd do that, plus it's hard for me to get over it. Also, it makes me upset about the people who do actually get raped! If someone raped you wouldn't want to be near the rapist and he came near me often afterwards, and flirted with me when he wanted.
Author alwaysrepetitive Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 1. It's a defense mechanism. He might regret getting involved. 2. To hurt you. To push you away. 3. To make sure you will stay away from him in the future. I had a girl accuse me of something similar in college at a job I worked at. It hurt a lot, and it took me a while to get over it as I already had some issues with women, but you have to basically tell yourself that they have issues and that their opinion doesn't really mean squat. Hi TheGuard 13- what helped you get over your situation? did she apologize?
TheGuard13 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 In my case, she was a promiscuous girl I worked with, with some serious sexuality issues. She'd been abused in the past. I rather liked her, but she wasn't very good at communicating. She was treating me like crap at work, putting me down, throwing insults about my sexual experience, this, that and the other. Fairly sure she liked me (beyond the break room blowjobs she gave out), and this was her way of trying to get my attention. When I confronted her about it alone, she got angry about it, saw this (I guess) as a rejection, and spun it into this big story about how I tried to rape her. She pretended she'd never liked me, turned a whole store full of women against me, torpedoed a potential romantic relationship with another girl there, and eventually apologized to me, although by then it didn't mean much. What got me over it was just forgiving her for being damaged and stupid and hurtful. Honestly. Until I was able to do that, I hated her guts and felt awful about myself.
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