Elle123 Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 My boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me completely out of the blue a couple of months ago. I really didn't see it coming. We were going out with some firends and on the way I told him I felt like we weren't seeing enough of each other, and wanted to figure out how to see each other more. I felt like he was spending all of his time with friends and only giving me a few hours a week. He said he wanted to discuss that too, but everything was fine and we continued on with our night. When we got back to his place he told me he had so much he needed to do in life and couldn't be in a relationship. He used to tell me things like , "I could see us married with maybe a kid in 5 years" and then all of a sudden he's telling me he doesn't want to get married for 5 or 6 years. I'm sorry, but I don't want to wait til my late 20s to marry the guy I love. He had typed up a list of things he wanted to talk about with me. At the end of going through his bullet points he asked what my resposes were. All I could say was, "I don't know my head is spinning. I don't want to hold you back, but I really don't want to break up." He kept telling me he wasn't breaking up with me, we were just talking, but a few minutes later he wordlessly broke up with me. I really thought I was going to marry this guy. We were both messes during the break up and he kept trying to hold me and comfort me...which was strange because he was the one causing all of my pain. I was NC for a little over a month when I realized I would never move on until I had answers. I texted him asking why he had said things between us were okay, only to break up with me later that night. He sent me a really passive reponse about how he had been thinking about things for a while and wanted to see how that night went and didn't plan on breaking up with me, but after we talked he realized it was how he felt and what he wanted. I basically told him he should have talked to me as soon as he realized he was having a problem witht he relationship unstead of completely blindsiding me and to make a promise to himself that he would never do that to another person. He didn't respond. Even though he was very selfish in the way he broke things off and I've almost completely moved on, I still feel like I'm not completely over him. Part of me still wants him back. I miss him (but more so, I miss who he was through the first 3/4s of the relationship, he seemed to change into a jerk towards the end, which most of my friends believe to be his true personality and he could only play the nice guy for so long.) Several of his friends contacted me saying they had no idea he was going to do that and how they think he's an idiot and going to regret it, but I know he's stubborn and will never admit to it. My friends and one of his friends want me to instantly be over him because he was a jerk. I'm also terrified of seeing him out at a bar or something. I have gone out and had a ton of fun every weekend night since the break up, but this upcoming weekend I was invited by friends to go out in his neck of the woods and I'm really contemplating whether a night at home would be the better option rather than potentially seeing him out. How do I move on and get past this feeling of wanting him back? And how should I get over my fears of seeing him out or what should I do should I see him? Thanks in advance for any responses! 1
A1A Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 I am in the same situation... I totally understand you! Avoid all contact and the option of seeing him. It takes time to get rid of the feelings, but you are still stepping forward... It will just hold you back if meet with him. There are never good enough answers that could help you with moving on. It's ok to have questions, the answers will come to you in the future... Maybe one day when you'll be with a different guy who will make you super happy, you will not want to even think of all the questions; you'll just have one big answer - your new love! The only way to get to this position, though, is by disconnecting yourself completely. Don't fight your feeling - it is natural to still love someone who left you. But work on yourself to move on and those feelings will eventually subside. Stay strong and be happy!!! Good Luck
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