born2day Posted September 7, 2004 Posted September 7, 2004 I have been in a relationship with a woman for about 3 years. We have recently moved in together with our kids, two for me and two for her from previous marriages. There has been quite a bit of adjusting for all of us and we are now getting very good at the daily routine and chores and various boundries that have to be maintained. It has been about 6 months and it has been a struggle but we are very committed to each other and the family. Now the problem that causes me to write is this, The physical aspect of the relationship has declined to a point that makes me worried and upset. When I ask her about this she replies that everything is fine with her or it is just because I am mad at her and not happy with her that I feel neglected. I have tried to hold her and caress her but this is met either by her pulling away or ignoring me. She seems to be placing the blame on me but I don't know. I am still very attracted to her and wonder if she is losing it for me. Sexual relations are rare to never which is different from the time before we lived together. What can I do to open a dialogue when she refuses to accept there is a problem? I will not blame myself but will not blame her either. Maybe this element is just more important to me? Maybe I expected too much from this relationship? Any help is appreciated.
Queen B Posted September 7, 2004 Posted September 7, 2004 Beleive it or not I have a few guy friends that have experienced the same thing and this is what I've told them. If you've had an okay sex life until lately I'd think that something really is up. I only have my own experience to go buy but when I'm stressed out about things, depressed or sick, sex is the last thing on my mind. But like a lot of women I keep forgetting that my BF can't read my mind so of course he's going to keep wanting sex if he isn't aware that anything is the matter. If you enjoyed a satisfactory sex life for years before I'd say that since the move this woman is stressed out about the recent family amalgamation, really concerned about something, or perhaps even physically sick. I think it's interesting that she thinks you feel neglected because you are mad at her or unhapy with her...I think that maybe she's a bit insecure and interpreting your questions about the decline in your sex life to mean you are unhapy with her or mad at her. I think that maybe she needs some time so sort ut whatever's bothering her because it's apparent that she's not able or willing to share whatever it is with you at the moment. the funny thing about women is that when we don't want sex, a guy asking for sex can be the most repulsive thing in the world, even if he's the main man in our lives...so sometimes we're afraid of basic intimacy (kissing, holding showering together) because we think you that think it might lead to sex. My advice-Until she can deal with whtever is bothering her, let her know (in words and actions) that you love her as an entire person, not just a sex partner...I'm thinking breakfast in bed, making sure she has some personal time away froim you, the kids and work, dinner dates, and no-strings hugs kisses or massages...maybe she'll come around. On the other hand maybe her libido HAS changed and she's fine with it, in this case, you have to ask yourself if less sex is something you're willing to live with. Again, I'm no expert but it's abit of perspective to get you thinking anyway. Cheers
Author born2day Posted September 8, 2004 Author Posted September 8, 2004 Thanks for the advice. I think she is preoccupied with a family illness and the changes in life in general. I will try to give it time and take your suggestion on being more thoughtful. She is very important to me and I don't want to lose her. I am just the sort of guy that likes to be physically close to my mate. I need that to keep me grounded and happy. It doesn't have to be sex but it needs to be touch.
Recommended Posts