ConfusedJuliet Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 I am so confused over what to do... I am a single mother with a 2 year old child. I met a guy, that has no children of his own, and when we first met we both stated we didn't want a relationship, me because I didn't want to rush into anything after splitting with my child's father, he because he wanted to stay single after splitting from a complicated and destructive relationship, he also has dreams of travelling before settling down. We spent time together as 'friends with benefits' until I realised I had developed feelings for him and told him I couldn't see him anymore to avoid falling got him any further; he then told me he had feelings for me too, and wanted to carry on seeing me, so eventually we were a couple. He was brilliant with my child, everything felt perfect. Then we had an unexpected pregnancy, that we were happy about! Very sadly followed by a miscarriage, and we were both devastated. We decided we would try for another baby ... Then out of nowhere he had a drunken one night stand, that he told me about straight after, and begged me to forgive him, I (probably stupidly) did. We then had 3 weeks of upset following the one night stand, and he eventually ended the relationship, saying he loves me but he doesn't actually want the whole 'family thing'. He thinks he was in shock and grieving when he decided he wanted a baby, and he really still wants to travel, and just isn't ready to have a relationship with such responsibility. He said he didn't want to lose me and asked to be friends, spoke to me daily, visited me near enough daily, sat and watched a film with me, still wanted to do things such as going to the cinema, still called me 'babe' ... It was so hard to do this just as a 'friend' though. I had a weekend away, and whilst away I realised being his friend was just going to hurt me more than letting him go would, so when I got back I told him I couldn't do it, to which he reacted really badly, angrily, and eventually said "I'd never see or hear from him again, as that's what I want." ... Now, I know this relationship is doomed, and we'll not get back together, but I'm hurting so much at the thought of not having him in my life at all ... Can anyone see us being 'friends' working?!
TaraMaiden Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Not while you're in love with him, no. It can't be done. Being a 'friend' with someone you still hold a lamp for, is virtually impossible - the conflict of emotions is too much. You're being extremely sensible. he isn't. But I believe his reaction is a knee-jerk one.... Give it time. You need it anyway, to try to work through your feelings for him, and stay No Contact. Resist any attempts at all, on his part, to connect, or maintain this 'friendship' (according to his PoV) because sadly, hurting his feelings right now, isn't as important as preserving your own.... Fall off his radar (Read the NC Guide in my signature, if you haven't visited that yet) and stick with it. It's painful - but not as painful as pretence.....
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