Bigcitydreamer Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Not sure if this is the appropriate forum, because it's not a question on breakups really.. But this is the forum I frequent because I was recently dumped. It seems to me that men genuinely prefer bossy, mean girls. It seems like the nicer of a person you are, the less respect you command in a relationship! I just don't get it! In the beginning of my relationship I was definitely the more dominant one. I'm a smart, attractive girl with many things going for me and I entered my relationship with this attitude in mind. BUT as time went on I noticed myself becoming more submissive and allowing my ex to get away with more and tried harder to please him. The tables turned and he became the more dominant one, and eventually expected the world from me without having to do anything himself. Then he dumped me for reasons unknown to me. I know a girl who is a raging biatch and I'm seriously not exaggerating. She is extremely demanding and makes a huge scene wherever she goes. She is also pretty and smart and has the biggest catch of a husband who is head over heels for her. For example she will yell at her husband at a party to help her do something extremely simple like find her jacket. Not just ask it of him but yell with full force! And she does it for every situation. She is not the only girl that I've seen be like this and end up with such a great guy. I don't understand this and it's a pattern that I have honestly noticed. So do men really prefer b*tches? And if so why?
KatZee Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 I wouldn't say any self-respecting, confident man WANTS to be with a b.itch. Men don't want b.itches, ie: snotty, drama filled, raging c.untlords. They want b.itches, ie: Babe In Total Control of Herself. I used to think the same as you. I saw these horrible, nasty women getting boyfriends, and able to KEEP those boyfriends, meanwhile girls like me, kind, generous, loving, supportive, loyal blah blah blah... were being dumped. I used to think, "damn. Do i need to act like those girls?" The answer is NO. Look at the situation. There has to be something SERIOUSLY wrong with a guy who thinks it's acceptable to be with a woman who acts like that. There needs to be something fundamentally wrong with a person who thinks the best he is capable of is a woman who goes around acting better than everyone else, being nasty, treating everyone like crap. I noticed that these girls who were keeping guys, didn't really have quality men. They didn't have any sort of prize worth having. Men want women who are independent. Who WANT them, but don't NEED them. Quality men are looking for exactly what quality women are looking for. A partner, a best friend, someone trustworthy, someone they can really build something with. People who stay with nasty people are co-dependent, and insecure. Ask any female why she stays with a guy who abuses her, who doesn't treat her right. The answer almost always is, "because I love him, and I don't think anyone else can love me like does, I can't do better than him." Don't become a b.itch. There are way too many horrible people on this planet. No need to become another one of them. 3
Author Bigcitydreamer Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 Interesting theory KatZee, my friend and I were discussing this topic and you seem to have a similar opinion of her. She said "I hope not because what does that say about the human race". I laughed because that's so true. How can being a pushy, condescending person make a guy want you more? But I'm still not convinced because as I said in my post above these girls really do have amazing men sometimes. Literally super sweet, caring, gentle men who maybe have flaws of their own but from what I can see they aren't overly flawed with codependency issues and what not. Just looked into the book "why men love b*tches" and read the reviews. I'm definitely buying it tomorrow for my kobo. The book defines b*tch in a different light tho.. It says they aren't mean and condescending, which is what I see from the girls that I have witnessed this from. But maybe these girls contain the good b*tvh traits as defined in this book.
Author Bigcitydreamer Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 There is a very real pattern in my relationships that I can't ignore. Every guy I date starts off being extremely nice and in love doing everything for me like they caught a prize. And every single relationship I have ends the same with them slowly disrespecting me more and more. So I need to figure out wtf it's happening! And I just retread your post and saw that u defined b*tch similar to the book I'm talking about! 1
Sugarkane Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Men sure seem too. I've also realized I treat guys good only to be dumped cruelly and treated like crap. With as far as I know, no regrets. think I also need to reread Why Men love Bitches.
Author Bigcitydreamer Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 Ugh sucks doesn't it! If only I would have known about this book before now. Oh well I'll know for the next one lol. Have u read it before? Do you recommend it?
Eddie Edirol Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 I dont believe men like women who are bitches. I believe men that stay with bitches do so because they dont think they can do any better. Pursuing women is f'king exhausting, frustrating, and a pain in the ass, a guy that just wants a girlfriend sometimes just settles with who he can to avoid dating. It also depends on which person knows what they are doing. If the guy doesnt know how he landed this woman, he will submit to her if hes afraid to lose her. If he knows how he landed her, he has room to play with, and knows how to keep her, and he can be the aggressive one. 2
Sugarkane Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Ugh sucks doesn't it! If only I would have known about this book before now. Oh well I'll know for the next one lol. Have u read it before? Do you recommend it? Yes I have read it before and it is about being assertive and not trying to drop everything for a guy. As far as I can remember it wasnt bad advice.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Yes I have read it before and it is about being assertive and not trying to drop everything for a guy. As far as I can remember it wasnt bad advice. Which would be good advise for anyone. As far as what you did OP, no one likes anyone who just submits to everything. No one likes or respects someone that they can just walk all over all the time. Especially someone that has no backbone.
Author Bigcitydreamer Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 I dont believe men like women who are bitches. I believe men that stay with bitches do so because they dont think they can do any better. Pursuing women is f'king exhausting, frustrating, and a pain in the ass, a guy that just wants a girlfriend sometimes just settles with who he can to avoid dating. It also depends on which person knows what they are doing. If the guy doesnt know how he landed this woman, he will submit to her if hes afraid to lose her. If he knows how he landed her, he has room to play with, and knows how to keep her, and he can be the aggressive one. Thanks for a male's perspective! But what do you mean by if a guy doesn't know how he got her he will be submissive and vice versa? Also what do you mean by it depends on which person knows what they are doing?
Author Bigcitydreamer Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 Yes I have read it before and it is about being assertive and not trying to drop everything for a guy. As far as I can remember it wasnt bad advice. Thanks I'm definitely going to get it tomorrow. I don't drop everything for a guy I don't think so I will have to read the nitty gritty to figure it out! For example my ex got mad at me for not being extremely domesticated. I told him to take it or leave it. We had separate interests and I was fine doing lots without him. I hope the book will clarify things.
Author Bigcitydreamer Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 If you met me in person you would definitely not say that I didn't have a backbone! By no means! But maybe the harder I fall in love with someone the less of a backbone I have?? It's hard to say because my ex would say "no one will ever be able to control you" and I was like and that's a bad thing? But I did try to please him. If he had a concern id address it.
Author Bigcitydreamer Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 An example of me having a backbone: I graduated university and we were scheduled to move away to a spot that had more work in my area. He randomly applied to do his journeyman in school at the same time we were already scheduled to go. He has a job that didn't even require him to do more education but I understood his desire to become fully certified. So he got in school at the very time I was already planning on moving with him. What did I do? I went alone! Got my own apt and did long distance got 2 months while he was in school! He eventually came to where I was and we got a bigger better apt. I might have worded my question a bit wrong in the sense that I wasn't "submissive" I was simply nice to him all of the time. There is a difference between not being a pushover and being a b*tch and this is where I get confused.
KatZee Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 (edited) But I'm still not convinced because as I said in my post above these girls really do have amazing men sometimes. Literally super sweet, caring, gentle men who maybe have flaws of their own but from what I can see they aren't overly flawed with codependency issues and what not. Just looked into the book "why men love b*tches" and read the reviews. I'm definitely buying it tomorrow for my kobo. The book defines b*tch in a different light tho.. It says they aren't mean and condescending, which is what I see from the girls that I have witnessed this from. But maybe these girls contain the good b*tvh traits as defined in this book. All you're seeing is what's on the outside. You have no clue what goes on behind closed doors and you have no idea that these guys are "so amazing, super sweet, caring, gentle men." Maybe they are. But there is a dysfunction within them to want to be with these people. No way around that one. And yes, I've read both of those books. My Men Love B.itches, and Why Men Marry B.itches. That's where my anagram came from: B.abes I.n T.otal C.ontrol of H.erself The book is NOT about people who act like a.ssholes. It's not. It's about women who are confident, who know what they want, who are independent, who can act a certain way in public even when they are feeling slighted, angry, etc. They have a certain demeanor about them, they are classy, mature, self-sufficient, and well-rounded. They are secure, and they love and respect themselves. They know what they need and deserve from a partner and will settle for nothing less. The title of this book is extremely misleading. Edited March 12, 2013 by KatZee 1
Amelie1980 Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 I don't think so.... I was a bit ch in one relationship and I wouldn't do it again. wasn't into the guy though. My most recent relationship I was all of these things... Top 10: Traits Of A Great Girlfriend - AskMen Still it wasn't enough..... I give up
Eddie Edirol Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Thanks for a male's perspective! But what do you mean by if a guy doesn't know how he got her he will be submissive and vice versa? Also what do you mean by it depends on which person knows what they are doing? Alot of guys do not know how to get the woman they really want. So they keep throwing out lines, hope for good luck and settle for a woman that is close enough. SOmetimes that woman is a bitchy one. If he thinks he cant do any better, he sticks with it no matter what. These guys let themselves get taken advantage of.
KatZee Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 The book is essentially how to love yourself. And how to come across as the traits I listed. That's pretty much how I act in my life, and it does work because I have quite a number of guys who won't stop trying to get me to date them. I've told them time and time again I'm not interested but because I have those qualities, they pursue, pursue, pursue.
geegirl Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 (edited) I read the book as well after my relationship with my previous ex. In the midst of us breaking up, I asked him, "I've been so good to you and you cheat, how can you do that?" And he said, "Sometimes nice just isn't enough, especially when it comes to guys like me." I was confused. The book opened my eyes because nice, is not enough. I gave too much and loved too hard without ever protecting myself or loving myself. Picked up the book. It's about creating healthy boundaries for yourself. It's about being emotionally smart when nagivating through relationships. The title is misleading. I will say that some parts seemed like game playing to me but most of it made sense in terms of setting standards for yourself. Just as Katz mentioned, one thing about the book is that it teaches you to put yourself first, in essence loving yourself by placing boundaries that will protect you and help you determine the keepers from the tossers. Edited March 12, 2013 by geegirl
Hope737 Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Do men really prefer bitches? Well from my experience, girls seem to love *ssholes who don't treat them right. Provide a bit of a challenge. A decent guy comes along and girls don't want to know him, they'd prefer a guy who treats them like sh*t for a bit and maybe sends them a few shreds of comfort. Girls don't like genuine guys and that's that.
Author Bigcitydreamer Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 I'm thinking that maybe over time my boundaries corrode and I become more determined to keep them when I know that I am in love with them. I do have a backbone without a doubt and I'm not the kind of girl who does everything for a man but when I get scared of losing them because I realize how much I care about them, that's when things go down hill. So it must be something that I am doing without realizing it. I just bought the book for my kobo. Going to read up on it today and hope to get specific examples on how I went wrong in my relationships. This is another way in which I plan to better myself after my recent bu. I vow to not let this happen again. By this I mean staying in a relationship where I begin to get taken advantage of and disrespected. If I truly had a backbone I probably would have left my ex long ago so I sent him the MSG that I would do anything to keep us together.
veggirl Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Guys who like mean, bitchy girls are the same as girls who like the bad boys-- insecure, dramatic, and immature. I'm certainly not a pushover, but I'd never describe myself as bitchy. I know my bf loves how nice I am to him and how I take care of him. He likes my fiesty side as well, but that's certainly not bitchy. To me, bitchy = bratty, unreasonable, selfish. I don't know why a guy would want that. I think people get confused and they think bitchy = spicy, fiesty, fun, fireball and they think nice = boring, pushover, wet rag. Not the case. 1
Wabisabi Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 I wonder too, where did I go wrong? I also started off my relationship as the dominant one but as I fell more in love with him things turned the other way. In the end he just laughed and left. And I'm left wondering if men really want loving and caring girls or do they just enjoy the chase and challenge of winning a girl...
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