Necris Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 There's not many people out there that started off good with women. The guys that I knew that were good VERY early on (middle school-ish) topped out in high school. The guys that were good post-high school were usually not the guys that were good in high school. We all had to learn. If OP wants to be good, he has to pay his dues. It's as simple as that. Learn what? This is a very strange skill set. I find it very difficult to learn what other people find so natural. I feel like I have hit my wall no amount of approaching and book reading really helps in any real meaningful way, I learn really nothing from rejections, so I don't know.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Learn what? This is a very strange skill set. I find it very difficult to learn what other people find so natural. I feel like I have hit my wall no amount of approaching and book reading really helps in any real meaningful way, I learn really nothing from rejections, so I don't know. Knowing how to date isn't natural. Attracting women isn't necessarily natural. I've seen people get VERY good with women doing the things that you refuse to do. To each their own though.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 I was diagnosed with both High functioning Autism and Aspergers separately. Also with Dyspraxia. Damn dude. Rough. Well, props to you for getting through that. Some of the guys on this board should follow your lead.
Necris Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Knowing how to date isn't natural. Attracting women isn't necessarily natural. I've seen people get VERY good with women doing the things that you refuse to do. To each their own though. Since most people on the planet know how to do it and most people I talk to say it comes natural then yeah I think its more of just something people naturally pick up on. Also what am I refusing to do? Approaching/talking to women/be friendly? I do that. Read up on tips? I do that.
outsidethebox Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 OP is 5' and won't settle for a girl as short as him and heavyset, nor a smallish group of people such as Filipino (not that everyone in these categories would be attracted to OP but the numbers are there.) He instead is fixated on a getting a girl taller than him that isn't heavyset because he's seen a taller girl than a guy together before. So his question really is how can you talk a girl into dating you that would normally overlook you (no pun intended). I say this as a 5'7 to 5'8 guy who likewise is overlooked for height (I think, not that women tell me this - they just prefer taller guys). However there are many more factors and by no means am I suggesting it's a serious impediment but just saying that I understand the height issue. The only women indicating any interest in me over last couple of years have been about 5' tall so to answer OP's question that's what it will take, responding to girls who are interested which will not be taller than me and probably significantly shorter (barring an exceptional effort and connection). I do not understand the desire to be so much smaller than the guy but apparently biological.
USMCHokie Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 I'll provide a response after I get off work...from a slightly different perspective...understanding that the hardest thing to overcome is not height, or race, or facial prettiness...it's ourselves...we are our own worst enemy...and we don't even realize it... I was involuntarily celibate until I was 25...I'm 29 now...and I'm still learning... More to follow... 3
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 I'll provide a response after I get off work...from a slightly different perspective...understanding that the hardest thing to overcome is not height, or race, or facial prettiness...it's ourselves...we are our own worst enemy...and we don't even realize it... I was involuntarily celibate until I was 25...I'm 29 now...and I'm still learning... More to follow... You have come a long way
lino Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 I don't know anybody in real life who has achieved it. All the guys I knew throughout my younger years who cleaned up with women continued that way unless they completely ruined themselves with drugs or died. All the guys I knew throughout my younger years who seriously struggled with women continued that way unless they married a girl (in all cases, their first girlfriend) they weren't attracted to at all purely because they feared dying alone and to please their parents (often for both reasons). Thawholigan wrote some good points in his long post. 1
Author Sun Devil Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 Outsidethebox, I never said that I would not date shorter women nor would I not date Philipino. I did say that I would not date an obese person since they would unlikely live an active lifestyle. I would not have a problem with a curvy woman.
jma500 Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 (edited) I keep hearing guys have to "change" in order to do well with women. Why should i have to become someone i am not? If women can't or won't like for whom i am, that is not my problem. I mentioned a former friend in another thread whom had women throwing themselves at him whilst i was ignored. He used women on a daily basis and still they kept coming to him. All because of looks. I learned two things from this: 1: double standards are to be ignored. I am expected to work for dates/girlfriends while he gets these because he has looks? Absolutely not. 2: i would never use women. If this is what i had to become to be attractive to women, i would rather stay alone. Which by the way is what i fully expexted to happen as i was overweight and homely. So why a few women liked me in college and work. Those women took the time to get to know me as a person. From what i have seen in 44 years this kind of woman is extremely rare. Edited March 12, 2013 by jma500
Treasa Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 The problem with you, OP, is that you reek of desperation and self-loathing. You're trying too hard to be something you're not. You aren't tall, you aren't a natural alpha, etc. However, this does NOT mean you aren't worth dating. But no girl wants to get with a guy who is just desperate to get laid and have "a girl" as girls don't feel like being used or being placeholders to make a guy feel better about himself. I am telling you, straight up, that you will NEVER have success until you start working on why you aren't happy with yourself. Your thoughts affect your emotions, which affect your actions...oh ****. I give up. I could repeat myself over and over again, but you aren't going to get it until YOU get it. You'll keep asking for advice, and not realize that the answer comes from within you. 2
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 49322, why do you believe that some of them are fake? Because it's the internet and anyone can claim anything. So it's best to be skeptical. 1
jma500 Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 The problem with you, OP, is that you reek of desperation and self-loathing. You're trying too hard to be something you're not. You aren't tall, you aren't a natural alpha, etc. However, this does NOT mean you aren't worth dating. But no girl wants to get with a guy who is just desperate to get laid and have "a girl" as girls don't feel like being used or being placeholders to make a guy feel better about himself. I am telling you, straight up, that you will NEVER have success until you start working on why you aren't happy with yourself. Your thoughts affect your emotions, which affect your actions...oh ****. I give up. I could repeat myself over and over again, but you aren't going to get it until YOU get it. You'll keep asking for advice, and not realize that the answer comes from within you. Asking for advice may just help him find the answers he seeks and you speak of. Asking for advice/help is never a bad thing.
Eclypse Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 You could say I was Incel from the time I began getting attracted to girls until I was 19. I wanted a gf in high school so bad. It was like my only goal. And I kept getting rejected. Funnily enough I did reject one girl during this time too. It crushed me on the inside because she was so nice but really not my type and I didn't want to hurt her. Ii was also at the time madly in love with her best friend and I got so close with that one. We held hands and cuddled, but a few days later she said "let's be just friends":mad: Anyway, university began and I was still lousy with the ladies for more than a year. Rejections suck, especially when that's all you get. I know how you guys feel. Then a friend had a party and I got absolutely ****faced. The night was blurry but I recall giving a girl a quick peck on the lips, my first kiss. Invigorated by this I seeked further adventures and came across my friends younger sister. We spent the whole night kissing and cuddling. Her boyfriend was there too actually, but I was so drunk I didn't even register that he was her bf. anyway that broke the ice. I went out once with my friends sister but decided she was too young and we're still friends. This followed up with several other (somewhat drunk) escapades with some very very beautiful girls. Once the ice was broken my confidence soared. That really is the key. Once you realise hooking up with a woman really isn't the be all end all it makes a huge difference and becomes easier. A few months later I met my gf and lost my virginity. We're still together. Just keep persevering and you'll succeed. Even though recommending alcohol to better yourself isn't always a good idea, a little liquid courage courtesy of some fire water can do wonders
jma500 Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Because it's the internet and anyone can claim anything. So it's best to be skeptical. It is best to take the proverbial grain of salt from what people say online and in real life.
Fatdrifter Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Anyone here used to struggle with women but no longer do?. If so, tell me what caused you to struggle and how did you overcome your difficulties I'll only say this: some ppl get it multiple times a year, others go multiple years for one time. It's a bad paradox but its the way it is
Fatdrifter Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 It is best to take the proverbial grain of salt from what people say online and in real life. Or maybe believe some ppl who are pretty badly limited by their relationship abilities.
somedude81 Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 I am telling you, straight up, that you will NEVER have success until you start working on why you aren't happy with yourself. I'd say there is a 99% chance that he isn't happy with himself because women don't like him. Dragonfruit made a killer post in a different thread. While she mainly focuses on sex she is spot on. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/378605-prostitutes-men-no-options-13.html#post4681626
Treasa Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Asking for advice may just help him find the answers he seeks and you speak of. Asking for advice/help is never a bad thing. Except that I have given him this exact same advice about 50 times.
Treasa Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 I'd say there is a 99% chance that he isn't happy with himself because women don't like him. Dragonfruit made a killer post in a different thread. While she mainly focuses on sex she is spot on. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/378605-prostitutes-men-no-options-13.html#post4681626 My point is that you need to be happy with yourself REGARDLESS of what others think/feel. I assure you that when you are genuinely, honestly there, you'll start attracting people like crazy. Be truly happy with your life, enjoy it and who you are, and strive to be the best you that you can be. 1
somedude81 Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 My point is that you need to be happy with yourself REGARDLESS of what others think/feel. That is very difficult to accomplish which I'm sure you already know. If one has poor confidence and self-esteem, it's literally impossible. I assure you that when you are genuinely, honestly there, you'll start attracting people like crazy. From what I've observed, being OK with oneself isn't a requirement. Sure it will make it easier to attract other people. I know I have a long way to go till I can be happy with who I am and I don't want to be without companionship till I get there, and then there is the obvious fact that getting some female companionship would make me happier with my life. If you haven't already, you should read the post I linked. Be truly happy with your life, enjoy it and who you are, and strive to be the best you that you can be. Pretty words, but they might as well be impossible. Don't get me wrong, I've not given up. I'm actually planning on getting rejected today by a girl in one of my classes. But my choice of words says how I feel what my chances are. There's no doubt that it would also lower my self-esteem unless I can conjure up some pride from taking the risk. Eh, probably not. 1
ThaWholigan Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 I'd say there is a 99% chance that he isn't happy with himself because women don't like him. Dragonfruit made a killer post in a different thread. While she mainly focuses on sex she is spot on. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/378605-prostitutes-men-no-options-13.html#post4681626 Those posts may be empathetic/sympathetic but they do not help you. This is just another reason why you struggle - clinging onto these posts because they validate your view......the very view that is distorting your ability to pull yourself together. 1
ChessPieceFace Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 After that I discovered PUA. I read and read but and was the typical "OMG, I can't believe I never knew this before!!" guy... but it wasn't working for me and felt very weird. The more I read the more I wanted to get out. While some of the principals are good (just improving yourself as a guy), many of the tactics or mentalities they instill in guys is just weird and creepy. ... I've met and slept with more women in the last 12 months than I ever did before. Your story sounded great and helpful and familiar until this point when I realized we are nothing alike. So all you care about is sex, and were prevented from getting all the meaningless sex you wanted by your behaviors, until now when you've "succeeded." Some of us are also introverts with lacking social skills, like you, but we believe sex should mean something. The animal mentality you're having "success" with runs contrary to an evolved nature. I'd rather have no "success" than have cheap sex. 1
ThaWholigan Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Your story sounded great and helpful and familiar until this point when I realized we are nothing alike. So all you care about is sex, and were prevented from getting all the meaningless sex you wanted by your behaviors, until now when you've "succeeded." Some of us are also introverts with lacking social skills, like you, but we believe sex should mean something. The animal mentality you're having "success" with runs contrary to an evolved nature. I'd rather have no "success" than have cheap sex. Different strokes for different folks. There is still some things to learn from it - don't get distracted from the message.
somedude81 Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Those posts may be empathetic/sympathetic but they do not help you. They help because they are understanding and empathetic. It shows that the entire world isn't against me and some people do understand. That alone is worth a lot.
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