crimsoncurrent Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 First off, I can hardly believe its been only two months. Its felt more like half a year. At the moment, because of spring break and not being occupied with school, I've been depressed lately. However, if I put everything in perspective, things have improved with dealing with the situation. I'm able to have fun with friends, engage in my daily errands more readily, and not be so devastated over everything. I think about my ex daily, wondering what exactly she's doing, how or if her life has changed, if she's dating anyone. But, I don't really want to know the answers to my questions. I'm not emotionally strong enough to have that knowledge. I'd rather be oblivious about everything. I've noticed how my behavior has changed during this experience. During the first month, I had to fight the urges to call, text, or drive to her house. I had to mentally prepare myself for the day, knowing the urges would come and to be ready for them. I feel like I was dealing with more of the addictive aspect of losing her. Now, those desperate urges are not frequent, and hardly a consideration. However, I'm beginning to feel more of the grieving element of the BU. It feels like she's almost dead. I miss our playful and silly moments together. If I see an entertaining pic online, my thought that is how she would appreciate it, than the bitter realization comes that she's gone. Also, to be completely honest, I still reserve some hope that'll she contact me someday. But, I'm not counting on it. If anyone would like to add words of encouragement, insight, or just a comment, I'd really appreciate it. I'm very thankful that this site exist. 1
Squirrel7 Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 First off, I can hardly believe its been only two months. Its felt more like half a year. At the moment, because of spring break and not being occupied with school, I've been depressed lately. However, if I put everything in perspective, things have improved with dealing with the situation. I'm able to have fun with friends, engage in my daily errands more readily, and not be so devastated over everything. I think about my ex daily, wondering what exactly she's doing, how or if her life has changed, if she's dating anyone. But, I don't really want to know the answers to my questions. I'm not emotionally strong enough to have that knowledge. I'd rather be oblivious about everything. I've noticed how my behavior has changed during this experience. During the first month, I had to fight the urges to call, text, or drive to her house. I had to mentally prepare myself for the day, knowing the urges would come and to be ready for them. I feel like I was dealing with more of the addictive aspect of losing her. Now, those desperate urges are not frequent, and hardly a consideration. However, I'm beginning to feel more of the grieving element of the BU. It feels like she's almost dead. I miss our playful and silly moments together. If I see an entertaining pic online, my thought that is how she would appreciate it, than the bitter realization comes that she's gone. Also, to be completely honest, I still reserve some hope that'll she contact me someday. But, I'm not counting on it. If anyone would like to add words of encouragement, insight, or just a comment, I'd really appreciate it. I'm very thankful that this site exist. im about to start doing NC with my ex :\ I'm not sure if i can though its too hard 1
Minneloa Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 What an inspirational post! Thank you so much for sharing your story and your progress. I think there are many people on this forum struggling with the early days/first month of NC who will take comfort from your words. Best wishes as you continue to move forward. 1
Author crimsoncurrent Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 im about to start doing NC with my ex :\ I'm not sure if i can though its too hard You're right, it is hard. But, if you must have a day-to-day mentality while going through NC, you will succeed. Trust me, you can. I was with my ex for nearly 4 years. I didn't think I would be able to sustain, but look, it's been 2 months for me. Don't know your situation exactly, but if you're emotionally dependent on her, it's going to be hell for at least a month. Sorry, just want to prepare you. Do whatever it takes to stay sober from her. Also, no FB checking. I deactivated my FB 3 months ago. If you want to save yourself a lot of prolonged pain, please, be strong and keep NC. You can overcome.
Author crimsoncurrent Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 What an inspirational post! Thank you so much for sharing your story and your progress. I think there are many people on this forum struggling with the early days/first month of NC who will take comfort from your words. Best wishes as you continue to move forward. Thank you so much. It's encouraging to see your response!
Squirrel7 Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 You're right, it is hard. But, if you must have a day-to-day mentality while going through NC, you will succeed. Trust me, you can. I was with my ex for nearly 4 years. I didn't think I would be able to sustain, but look, it's been 2 months for me. Don't know your situation exactly, but if you're emotionally dependent on her, it's going to be hell for at least a month. Sorry, just want to prepare you. Do whatever it takes to stay sober from her. Also, no FB checking. I deactivated my FB 3 months ago. If you want to save yourself a lot of prolonged pain, please, be strong and keep NC. You can overcome. i mean i keep myself busy all day but its just at night when I'm alone that i start thinking about her and missing her. She doesnt have a fb so i cant look at any profile or anything. Yeah you gave me a lot of hope that things will be fine without her. Thanks 1
mcdo Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 I'm right around your point as well. I haven't been NC as long as you yet but your description of your current mindset is exactly where I currently am too. I just had a fantastic weekend abroad with relatives. Went to my first big soccer match & saw my favourite band in concert. But I couldn't stop thinking about her all the damn time. (And it's funny, she would have hated both the match and the concert... and probably the relatives too!) At least now I have absolutely no urge to contact her. In fact, I think it would be weird now if either of us messaged the other. 1
Author crimsoncurrent Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 i mean i keep myself busy all day but its just at night when I'm alone that i start thinking about her and missing her. She doesnt have a fb so i cant look at any profile or anything. Yeah you gave me a lot of hope that things will be fine without her. Thanks Thankful that I was able to provide some hopeful words. I can completely with what you said about having the urges become more intense at night. It's usually not as difficult to resist the urges during the day, because like you said, you're busy and have things to do. But, at night, when it's just one by yourself, having all that time to think about your ex, that's when the urges become more intense. To avoid driving over to her house, I would read a book, take a drive, or even exercise, anything that would distract myself from thinking about her so much.
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