witchychick Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Hi, I hope I don't feel worse after posting here. You just never know what people will say and we of course all have different opinions. I have just already been depressed but obviously I know if I ask,I have to be prepared for all kinds of replies. I met a guy on the last day of February and we hung out all nite and cuddled. Then we hung out again a few days later and there was some affection then,too but still no kiss on the lips yet and I wondered why then. His ex lives out of state 5 hours away but she was here two days later, and he helped her clean out a storage unit-she wanted his help. It also came out later that they had dinner or whatever,too but well he and I obviously haven't known each other long so whatever. Seeing her wasn't great for him as he wants her back and she doesn't want him back I guess. he talked to me that nite before we hung out and let me know that he didn't want a relationship and I was upset but still hung out with him. We talked more and I asked him if he would be willing to see if it could turn into a relationship with me and he said yes. We slept together for the first time that nite and he seemed different the next day. He was tired but now I guess there was more to it than that. He hugged me goodbye and kissed me on the cheek,saying he was worried about morning breath and when we talked again, he told me he doesn't want a relationship and he isn't ready for one. I am going to skip ahead about the conversation we had that day to make this shorter. At one point, he said we can be friends and I asked thats it? He said he didnt know right now. I asked him you don't know what, and he said anything. I asked him if he was attracted to me, and he couldn't answer me. Before we had sex, he said he was very attracted to me. Well,we hung out again this past Friday nite, and I asked him if he was attracted to me and he thought about it and said he has attraction for me. it turns out that he thinks I am attractive but he isn't as attracted to me as he was. He said he is a little less physically attracted to me than he was before we had sex. He said there wasn't a spark when we slept together, and I am the first person he was with since his ex, and they were together five years. On the phone when I told him he isnt as attracted to me as he was, he said no hes not and with the tone he used, I wondered if it could mean he really isnt{like if its more than just a little less attracted now} or if he could have used that tone and truly be just a little less attracted than he was. I dont know if he feels less attraction for me now because he isnt over his ex and I am the first Woman he's been with since her. he said it could be him but he has also mentioned some things we don't have in common but we have plenty of other things in common. He said he felt we had a connection before and he took comfort in us cuddling but he is different now and I hate it and wonder if its mainly because he isnt over her and if it could come back if we hang out again and keep hanging out. Have any of you ever been through this and do you think it sounds like it is mainly because he isnt over her or what? Last nite I told him to let me know if he was off Saturday nite or Sunday afternoon/evening because there were some things going on. He read it and didn't reply so I told him I hope everything is ok between he and I and everything, and I won't add stress to his life. I said that because I was stressing him out before asking questions. Something I will do less of now. He said he's ok and he is going back to work today and isn't making any plans this week. he previously told me he usually works 6 days a week, and doesn't want to do anything on his day off. I asked if he still wanted to hang out with me and he started typing and then stopped when i told him to get some sleep, so I asked if he was typing. He said he thought so but if it didnt get sent, it's gone. Too tired,have a good night. I hope he was the way he was because he was tired but now I wonder if he wants to hang out when he can. I also have ocd and tend to worry. 'yay'.
witchychick Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 he also told me he doesnt know what he wants to do about us or I guess if he wants to date me because maybe he is afraid of hurting me. I already hurt but anyway. He replied with 'sure' when I asked if he wanted to hang out when he was here Friday nite, and he said if I am clear basically that he doesnt want a relationship. I told him I felt like he doesn't care if we hang out or not and he looked at me. Maybe I dont remember everything else.
witchychick Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 sorry but its way too soon for this guy to be in another relationship and it sounds like you're chasing him way too hard I'm not trying to chase him and I am going to lay off some.
witchychick Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 He just used you for sex, and is only keeping contact with you in case he gets desparate again, sad to say. Youre over analyzing his words and tones, yet at the same time ignoring what he is clearly saying, which is he doesnt want a relationship with you. Sorry this happenes to you. Best thing to do is not ever contact him. no I'm not ignoring that he doesn't want a relationship and I don't have a reason to think that it is only me that he doesn't want a relationship with. I hope he didn't use me either.
ja123 Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 There are two things here: 1. He's not over his ex. 2. He's not that into you. Even if number 1 weren't an issue, there's nothing you can do about number 2. He might contact you again, if he's bored or something. But, I'd take the high road for yourself and refuse. Just tell him that you thought about it and you're not feeling the attraction either. I mean what's there to be attracted to? A guy thats just not into you? That's no fun. And remember, you're depressed right now. Find proactive ways to deal with it: reach out for some professional help if need be, reach out to your firends, etc. Don't cling to a guy who's not interested; it's just going to make you feel worse. Don't contact him again. Sorry, it hurts. But you're not alone, we all face rejection. 1
witchychick Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 are you a witch I'm Pagan but that's not what I came here to talk about.
witchychick Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 I am not even sure what to say. I dont know if its me or if him being less attracted to me now than he was is because he isn't over her or what. I shouldn have posted here,it can just confuse me even more. There are two things here: 1. He's not over his ex. 2. He's not that into you. Even if number 1 weren't an issue, there's nothing you can do about number 2. He might contact you again, if he's bored or something. But, I'd take the high road for yourself and refuse. Just tell him that you thought about it and you're not feeling the attraction either. I mean what's there to be attracted to? A guy thats just not into you? That's no fun. And remember, you're depressed right now. Find proactive ways to deal with it: reach out for some professional help if need be, reach out to your firends, etc. Don't cling to a guy who's not interested; it's just going to make you feel worse. Don't contact him again. Sorry, it hurts. But you're not alone, we all face rejection.
witchychick Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 I am not even sure what to say. I dont know if its me or if him being less attracted to me now than he was is because he isn't over her or what. I shouldn have posted here,it can just confuse me even more. but he never said he isnt attracted to me,he said he is a little less physically attracted to me than he was before we had sex
witchychick Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 What difference does it make WHY he's less attracted to you. Just accept what he is saying. Save your dignity and move on. If you hang out with him now, he'll just be using you obviously. it matters to me because of course no one wants to think it's them
witchychick Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 being one of the people in the situation,I dont know if he used me but I hope him being less attracted now isnt me at least. I dont like it regardless of course but if it was me, that would be even worse to me.
venusianx13 Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Hi there, I'm sorry you're feeling hurt over this and I hope you'll heed this advice: Don't ever push or corner a guy. I'm not saying this to insult or to hurt you, but pursuing a guy the way you have is really unattractive to men. I doubt he finds you physically unattractive all of a sudden, but if he did a total 180 in regards to his attraction for you, I'd say it was your questioning, pushing and so forth that turned him off. Save your dignity, be kind to yourself, and leave this one alone. I honestly get the vibe from your post that he's a real jerk and will continue to use you if he *feels* like it. Don't compromise your self-worth any further by allowing that to happen.
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