girlfriend says she wants to be single and alone

[Squirrel7]

[Warning: this post is going to be very long lol]

 

So ive been dating this girl for 2 years. Towards the end of the relationship things were getting a little rocky. She wouldnt spend time with me, she wouldnt initiate conversations, and she wouldnt be as affectionate as she used to be. She was becoming distant. I ended up accusing her of cheating and she denied it every time. She said shes not seeing anyone else and she just wants to be happy with me. Well the next day i basically told her i wasnt going to be sitting around while she's out having fun with her family and not including me in her plans. She replied with "Idk I'm just really not happy at this point. I dont know whats going on. All of this accusing isnt necessary. You dont get the fact that sometimes im tired. Like i told you i wish you would come see me sometimes. I do everything and its just stressing me out. Im tired of living this way and to be honest i dont want to do it anymore. I hope you can understand but i know you wont. I hope we can still be friends and continue talking. Im sorry :\ it was just too much for me thats why i guess i was distant. And i know i wont be getting with anyone any time soon even though you think i will." After that i left her alone for about 2 days and she sent me a text. We texted each other all night and we ended up talking about the relationship again. I asked if i should stop trying to be with her and she said "yes, i dont want anything right now so stop." She went on to say when she ended things she lost some feelings for me and she lost hope in the relationship. I told her how ive started changing and how im working on getting a job and my drivers license (things she's been wanting me to do since we got together) and she started getting mad that i waited until we broke up to change. I kept making myself look stupid telling her i wanted her back and that i would be better. She ended the conversation by saying she doesnt want to get back into this relationship soon, she just wants to be single and be alone for a while and that shes not looking to be with anyone right now. I told her i still needed answers and she started telling me i was being annoying, desperate, and clingy and then she said "this is why i wont give you another chance youre so pathetic." And that was it.

 

Basically i just need advice :\ do you think she wants to be out hooking up with other people? Or was i just too clingy for her and she needs a break? Im really confused right now i just dont understand.

[flitzanu]

[Warning: this post is going to be very long lol]

 

So ive been dating this girl for 2 years. Towards the end of the relationship things were getting a little rocky. She wouldnt spend time with me, she wouldnt initiate conversations, and she wouldnt be as affectionate as she used to be. She was becoming distant. I ended up accusing her of cheating and she denied it every time. She said shes not seeing anyone else and she just wants to be happy with me. Well the next day i basically told her i wasnt going to be sitting around while she's out having fun with her family and not including me in her plans. She replied with "Idk I'm just really not happy at this point. I dont know whats going on. All of this accusing isnt necessary. You dont get the fact that sometimes im tired. Like i told you i wish you would come see me sometimes. I do everything and its just stressing me out. Im tired of living this way and to be honest i dont want to do it anymore. I hope you can understand but i know you wont. I hope we can still be friends and continue talking. Im sorry :\ it was just too much for me thats why i guess i was distant. And i know i wont be getting with anyone any time soon even though you think i will." After that i left her alone for about 2 days and she sent me a text. We texted each other all night and we ended up talking about the relationship again. I asked if i should stop trying to be with her and she said "yes, i dont want anything right now so stop." She went on to say when she ended things she lost some feelings for me and she lost hope in the relationship. I told her how ive started changing and how im working on getting a job and my drivers license (things she's been wanting me to do since we got together) and she started getting mad that i waited until we broke up to change. I kept making myself look stupid telling her i wanted her back and that i would be better. She ended the conversation by saying she doesnt want to get back into this relationship soon, she just wants to be single and be alone for a while and that shes not looking to be with anyone right now. I told her i still needed answers and she started telling me i was being annoying, desperate, and clingy and then she said "this is why i wont give you another chance youre so pathetic." And that was it.

 

Basically i just need advice :\ do you think she wants to be out hooking up with other people? Or was i just too clingy for her and she needs a break? Im really confused right now i just dont understand.

 

you're trying to read between the lines here, and there ARE no lines.

 

"i want to be single" is pretty clear. she dumped you, and yes she plans on meeting and hooking up with other people. your question about "taking a break" is irrelevant..."a break" is the same thing as a breakup. people taking "breaks" are people wanting to hook up with new people guilt free so they aren't "cheating" and then they can come back to you.

[Squirrel7]

you're trying to read between the lines here, and there ARE no lines.

 

"i want to be single" is pretty clear. she dumped you, and yes she plans on meeting and hooking up with other people. your question about "taking a break" is irrelevant..."a break" is the same thing as a breakup. people taking "breaks" are people wanting to hook up with new people guilt free so they aren't "cheating" and then they can come back to you.

 

i mean maybe she does want a break. i was very clingy and i wouldnt ever let her do anything. why cant she just want some space and time to herself?

[flitzanu]

i mean maybe she does want a break. i was very clingy and i wouldnt ever let her do anything. why cant she just want some space and time to herself?

 

because, break means breakup. if someone wants to be in a relationship, they stay in the relationship.

 

you can't tell your job "hey i need a break, i'll come back to work maybe...so in the meantime you just sit around and wait for me to make up my mind."

[georgia girl]

Sorry, but as a woman, I have to agree. She broke up with you and she made it pretty clear. I think she was kind in her manner, but it's over.

 

Work on you and pursue the driver's license and job. Those are empowering, good things to bring into your life. Focus on doing positive, rewarding things. You will meet someone new when you're ready.

[JourneyLady]

because, break means breakup. if someone wants to be in a relationship, they stay in the relationship."

 

I can't agree with this, it may be true for most people, but not for all. I was deeply in love with a man with major flaws that caused resentment in me over the long term. (5 years) I kept trying with him over and over and we both looked up different methods of dealing with the problems and sharing them with each other.

 

His flaws were not enough to keep an FWB relationship from working perhaps, but I deeply wanted partnership and eventually marriage. I found a solution to help us understand each other better, but the relationship just wasn't important enough to him to try this one last thing. Basically he wanted to keep trying other methods that would give him an excuse to "not man up" and be committed. So I bailed.

 

IF he'd have decided to value the relationship and IF he'd decided to give this method a try (like I had all the things he looked up) then perhaps we could have gotten back together. But I know with him it will be a cold day in h*ll before that happens. His focus is to go out and start dredging up reasons why it wouldn't have worked. Reasons that make no sense in light of the fact that they were never things he complained or worried about while we were together.

 

I desperately -wanted- the relationship he sold me on, which turned out to be a pie in the sky. Even something remotely like a partnership would have been grand, because I was in love. But he was destroying my life, my finances and my self-esteem. Then I read the buyers, renters and freeloaders book and saw him for what he was.

 

So no, sometimes people really want the relationship and end up leaving after five years -- when they should have left after the sixth month! Some of us just try too dang hard. But now I know I am looking for a "buyer type" so I -have- learned...

[JourneyLady]

people taking "breaks" are people wanting to hook up with new people guilt free so they aren't "cheating" and then they can come back to you.

 

I can't agree with this either - it really depends on the maturity of the person. Ex-bf and I had broken up probably five times (attraction was strong so we kept trying), a couple of them as long as a month and I never once slept with anyone else or dated them. Except once at 3 weeks I did go to the movies with a guy, but strictly as friends and no hanky-panky. He was definitely in the friend zone. And I was honest about it. I was just tired of staying home and not going out.

[flitzanu]

I can't agree with this, it may be true for most people, but not for all. I was deeply in love with a man with major flaws that caused resentment in me over the long term. (5 years) I kept trying with him over and over and we both looked up different methods of dealing with the problems and sharing them with each other.

 

His flaws were not enough to keep an FWB relationship from working perhaps, but I deeply wanted partnership and eventually marriage. I found a solution to help us understand each other better, but the relationship just wasn't important enough to him to try this one last thing. Basically he wanted to keep trying other methods that would give him an excuse to "not man up" and be committed. So I bailed.

 

IF he'd have decided to value the relationship and IF he'd decided to give this method a try (like I had all the things he looked up) then perhaps we could have gotten back together. But I know with him it will be a cold day in h*ll before that happens. His focus is to go out and start dredging up reasons why it wouldn't have worked. Reasons that make no sense in light of the fact that they were never things he complained or worried about while we were together.

 

I desperately -wanted- the relationship he sold me on, which turned out to be a pie in the sky. Even something remotely like a partnership would have been grand, because I was in love. But he was destroying my life, my finances and my self-esteem. Then I read the buyers, renters and freeloaders book and saw him for what he was.

 

So no, sometimes people really want the relationship and end up leaving after five years -- when they should have left after the sixth month! Some of us just try too dang hard. But now I know I am looking for a "buyer type" so I -have- learned...

 

you just reaffirmed what i said. YOU wanted the relationship, and HE didn't. the person "taking a break" doesn't want the relationship. also playing the "what if" game isn't truth and logic, it's still conjecture. and as you just pointed out, no amount of "breaks" fixed the relationship...it just made you try harder, and he didn't care enough to try at all.

[flitzanu]

I can't agree with this either - it really depends on the maturity of the person. Ex-bf and I had broken up probably five times (attraction was strong so we kept trying), a couple of them as long as a month and I never once slept with anyone else or dated them. Except once at 3 weeks I did go to the movies with a guy, but strictly as friends and no hanky-panky. He was definitely in the friend zone. And I was honest about it. I was just tired of staying home and not going out.

 

and you're back together now after your "break"?