fortyninethousand322 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Why do we always associate "shallow" with physical attributes...? Wouldn't you be considered "shallow" if you valued only a specific trait while ignoring all others? Can you value only a person's intelligence and be considered shallow...? How about sense of humor? Shallow? Seriously. If I said I wouldn't date some girl because she was dumber than a bag of jelly beans, how is that any less shallow? Or if a girl won't date a guy because he needs to be "more educated" than she is. How are those things less shallow?
USMCHokie Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Seriously. If I said I wouldn't date some girl because she was dumber than a bag of jelly beans, how is that any less shallow? Or if a girl won't date a guy because he needs to be "more educated" than she is. How are those things less shallow? Or more generally: "Shallow" = "you are looking for something that I don't have, so I'm going to socially ostracize you by calling you shallow" 2
SJC2008 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I don't pay attention to surveys. Women are programmed in the western world to say they care about personality and they aren't shallow. Women care about looks just as much as men. I'm a realist; If I see an attractive woman with an attractive man I'm not going to be thinking "Oh what a shallow B, she needs to give a guy like me a chance" lol. I KNOW I'm not on her level and hold nothing against her for dating guys on her level. Women are just as bad as men when it comes to looks, they just aren't "allowed" to say it. 1
clia Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Accusations of "shallowness" (something I've only seen on Internet discussion boards, as opposed to real life) are typically lodged by people who don't have whatever characteristic they are accusing the shallow person of coveting. So, by that token, it could be anything, although it is most closely related to looks. Things really aren't quite so simplistic, though. For example, I frequent a fitness site, and there are constant discussions about how shallow people are when they won't "look on the inside" and date a morbidly obese person. Typically these discussions are started by morbidly obese people who are insulted that someone rejected them. But, the reality is, that probably wasn't the only thing, although it may have been primary. Attraction is so multi-facted. While it may be deemed superficial by some men for a woman to prefer tall men, more likely than not most women will not date a man just becausehe's tall. There's a lot more to it than that. And I believe the same goes for men. While they may be attracted to a woman for her looks initially, they aren't going to continue to be with her just becauseof her looks if her other attributes don't fall in line with what they want. We all have preferences -- both the inside and the outside count when it comes to attraction, dating, love, and chemistry. I have no qualms with admitting that I want a tall, rich, good looking man. If that makes me shallow to some person on the other end of the computer somewhere else in the world, then so be it. But would I date a tall, rich, good looking man who also happened to be a drug addict with five kids under the age of ten? Nope.
USMCHokie Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 In the end it is just that, a war of words seeking power over another. So is accusing someone of being "shallow" a sign of insecurity...?
SJC2008 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 What is shallow anyway? I won't date a woman proportionately bigger than me so does that make me shallow? My definition of shallow would be if I had a GF and was happy with her but I left her because a girl with the perfect ass came along.
danny in van Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 is because men are simply more open and honest about being shallow. You simply see male shallowness more out in the open. A man will say the reason I didnt date her or want to be with her is because she's ugly(in his eyes). But for women it's different, they're more indirect and flat out lie more. Women will say things like "he lacked confidence", " didnt show great body language", "I think your attractive but i don't want to ruin our friendship", "Your too good for me" "you'd make someone a great BF" But 95% of the time ^^^is just bull****. She just didnt find that guy attractive, it's that simple. Let me be clear, theres nothing wrong with this, just be honest. But she's not going to say that for fear of hurting his feelings. I've always said the rejection stories of men saying women were mean and that they EMBARASSED them on purpose was overblown. The Majority of the time if your respectful, and aren't too pushy even if you get turned down most women aren't going to go out of their way to flat out crush your soul. They'll just politely turn you down and lie about the reason The thing is tho, alot of those men don't know the real reason why they're being rejected(they're ugly). And I think that's why this myth is passed on. I've always felt it was somewhat equal between men and women really amazed that some people are still trying to push the agenda that acknowledging physical attraction equals shallowness. So boring and a theory that's soooo full of holes! Some will buy it I guess...but it's a real lame attempt prob by people short on looks to try to say it's 'wrong' to pick based on attraction. You may as well resent the sky being blue while you're at it! Much better way to spend your energy would be to get more physically fit, dress better, eat less and only good foods. Then you can raise your personal looks I'd say by at least 3 points on the scale of 10. Rough math, but serious workouts + only whole foods + some decent style choices = 3 extra points for you! Quit wasting time trying to put down others who did bother to get in shape etc!!
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