l0ving_x Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 He wants to stay best friends, and I don't know if that's a good idea or not. We went our two and a half years and we built such a strong foundation. We still love each other, but he wants to break up because of the "circumstance" of long distance not because we stopped loving each other. He's also under a lot of pressure because of school. But does being best friends mean that we are merely just putting our relationship on hold? Do I have a chance of getting back together with him? I really don't want to lose him.
flitzanu Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 He wants to stay best friends, and I don't know if that's a good idea or not. We went our two and a half years and we built such a strong foundation. We still love each other, but he wants to break up because of the "circumstance" of long distance not because we stopped loving each other. He's also under a lot of pressure because of school. But does being best friends mean that we are merely just putting our relationship on hold? Do I have a chance of getting back together with him? I really don't want to lose him. no, it's a terrible idea. he's leaving for "circumstances" which often means he has interest in someone else, and he wants to keep you around under the guise of things working out in the future, when 99% they won't.
Author l0ving_x Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 But I know for a fact that he doesn't have an interest in someone else. He's just not that type of person, and I trust him with all my heart. He would never cheat on me.
flitzanu Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 But I know for a fact that he doesn't have an interest in someone else. He's just not that type of person, and I trust him with all my heart. He would never cheat on me. 100% of people that have been dumped say this. if you stay "best friends" and he suddenly tells you he's going on a date tomorrow, how are you going to feel? 1
Minneloa Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Trying to stay friends, let alone "best friends" after a break-up only makes the process of separation and grieving more difficult. Your romantic relationship has ended, and it is important to take time to accept and mourn that loss. Staying friends will only muddy the waters and cause more pain when eventually one of you does move on romantically with someone else.
KatZee Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 But I know for a fact that he doesn't have an interest in someone else. He's just not that type of person, and I trust him with all my heart. He would never cheat on me. Lol. That's what they all say. That's exactly what I said. Lo and behold... another chick. Maybe he wouldn't cheat. But you guys are now broken up. It's free game now. Be his "best friend" and I guarantee you'll have to sit on the side lines and watch a new relationship and then be fake happy for him. Also, a person who's IN LOVE with another person, isn't capable of just being a "best friend." It's way too painful. The fact he's capable of this? Red flag. Bad sign. 2
Author l0ving_x Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 But does it make a difference that we were long distance? And no, that doesn't mean it gave him the incentive to go off and date other people. I know that for a fact he wouldn't because all he does every day is go to classes, go to research in a lab, go to club meetings, and then if he has time go to the gym with his guy best friend and then he would come home to me and talk to me. He said that he still loves me very much and he just can't handle the distance.
Author l0ving_x Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 And what's the difference between being in love with someone and just loving someone?
flitzanu Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 And what's the difference between being in love with someone and just loving someone? if you can't answer this question, no one else can answer this for you. 1
Minneloa Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 But does it make a difference that we were long distance? And no, that doesn't mean it gave him the incentive to go off and date other people. I know that for a fact he wouldn't because all he does every day is go to classes, go to research in a lab, go to club meetings, and then if he has time go to the gym with his guy best friend and then he would come home to me and talk to me. He said that he still loves me very much and he just can't handle the distance. Whether or not he is currently seeing someone else is not the main issue here. I know it's difficult, but you have to face the loss of your romantic partner. Staying friends, as everyone is saying here, doesn't work and inevitably leads to more pain down the road.
Author l0ving_x Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 It just hurts so badly because I know that if I were closer to him, we would still be together. I hate the fact that we couldn't beat the long distance. And I hate how I can't get over the fact that he said "maybe someday we can get back together". He said that being his best friend isn't a "step down", it's "the next best thing" because he can't handle a relationship right now because of all the pressure.
SoConfusedAndInShock Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 haha yeah both my exs said that right after breaking up with me only for us to NEVER speak again. Its not always as they make it out to be. In my opinion, people who actually say they wan to remain as your "friend" with you have actually fully moved on. Someone who still has feelings for you, or is as much hurt as you are by the breakup, would want to spend some time apart or not be friends until true feelings have faded with time and hearts have been healed on both sides. Other than that it's all a joke! 1
Minneloa Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 I'm sorry. I know that it hurts. This is a really helpful site where a lot of people are going through similar situations to yours. You can come and vent or just browse and take in others' experiences and perspectives. We are rooting for you. 1
Author l0ving_x Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 But he didn't stop talking to me ): He asks how I'm doing and if I'm feeling okay and he tells me about his day and worries about me and tells me to eat because he knows I'm probably starving myself because I have no appetite...
flitzanu Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 But he didn't stop talking to me ): He asks how I'm doing and if I'm feeling okay and he tells me about his day and worries about me and tells me to eat because he knows I'm probably starving myself because I have no appetite... so then you're just convinced he still wants to be with you, based on all you're replying with.
J_L_C Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 My ex told me we could be "friends". Every time I saw him he either told me about The dates he was having with other girls OR he was trying to get in my pants. He was never my friend to start, so there was no way he could just "become" a friend after we split. I'm still in love with him and want to see him, but it's too painful. I never want to be around when he introduces me to his fiancée.
Kenji Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Long distance can be hard, but it can absolutely work if both people love each other enough. You know what they say. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. "Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as wind extinguishes candles and fans a fire." I may have grown cynical from my own experience, but people use long distance as an excuse to break up when the reality is that they just don't feel the same about you. I don't want to say that your ex-boyfriend is a bad person. But you must entertain the possibility that he is no longer attracted to you. You must consider the possibility that he has feelings for someone else. He can't control how he feels. We can't hate him for that. However, we can be upset at how he may be playing with you. Being friends can be construed as another way to let you down easy. After all, if you're okay enough to be friends, he can feel as though he didn't hurt you that badly.
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