Blackjaw Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 I got married at a really young age. Too young. I was 21 and my wife was 18. My wife never knew her Dad and her mom had two other kids each with different men. So it's no surprise that my wife cheated on me. Three different men over two years. When I found out we separated. About a year later, we reconciled, partly for shared religious beliefs, and we've been together ever since. Married 15 years now with two kids. I still have trouble loosening my grip on her and trusting her decisions. We're no longer religious so those shared goals are gone. She's now a writer and she participates in a writing community online. Constantly posting and chatting with people mostly men. She went to a writers conference and stayed in rooms with multiple people including men. I see picture of her online with men and see her exchanging jokes that she would never do at home. This is making me lose my mind. I unleashed a torrent of yelling at her last night and told her I was done. She's been to these types of events before and she knows I'm edgy about them. Ive asked her to tread softly and consider my feelings about things when she's gone, but she continues to be oblivious. She insists that she's still devoted to me, that these are just vacations, and she loves our life. She is a stay at home mom, so I understand the desire to get away, but it seems like she's taking a vacation from our relationship. Like its not just physical distance, but emotional as well. Outta sight, outta mind. Am I being an overly controlling husband if I ask her never to go to one of these events again because it causes me distress? Do I just need to get over it? How do I tell if my jealousy and distrust are getting the best of me? Help!
WhatYouWantToHear Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Am I being an overly controlling husband if I ask her never to go to one of these events again because it causes me distress? Do I just need to get over it? How do I tell if my jealousy and distrust are getting the best of me? Yes, maybe and if its something you obsess so much over you have to post questions to an internet forum. Look, I'm with you. Paranoid people are often right about the thing they are paranoid about. The thing is they just worry and fret over it and don't assert any control or let paranoia run their lifes. She's probably still stepping out and doing it on these vacations. You forbidden it isn't going to make it stop--it will just be the guy down the street while you're at work. Control what you can. You can't control her. That leaves 3 options: 1. Accept her cheating and put it out of your mind. Its like a big ugly mole on her back--choose not to look at it. 2. Leave her. 3. Continue to be paranoid, continue to be unhappy, continue to be married and stay the same as you are today.
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