First break up and it doesn't seem well?

[sin]

It's been almost 2 months since my first real relationship(lasted 1 yr) ended, and

it doesnt seem that I'm going where I should go. I'm not getting better.

He left at the very moment that I needed his help and him just being around since I was having different kinds of problems.

I dont see myself doing better over time. I'm still crying on a daily basis,

I still feel the pain and I am not able to forgive him.

Even when it gets better, when I'm laughing with my friends or having fun,

I tend to recall him in my mind for a split second and I vividly remember some bad scenes from our relationship, some painful sayings, fights, moments.

As i remember those scenes, my heart starts to beat rapidly, I feel like vomiting and I shiver for a few seconds.

As I look back I see that i would never go back to that relationship, even though I still love him and miss him, it was emotionally abusive at the end, from both sides, it was hard and full of problems and he's not the only one to blame, but I cannot forgive him, I cannot look at him as the sweet, loving and caring person that he used to be. Whenever I think of him or hear his name, I tend to feel sick and panic. And most important, I really want to stop recalling bad scenes from our relationship, I feel like it's chasing me.

Has anyone ever felt like this or am I just going crazy?

[KatZee]

That used to happen to me. I would recall bad things and feel that feeling of anxiety, panic, fear, the heart pounding. What really helped was to remind myself that I was now in the present. I wasn't in the past, and whatever bad things had happened, are over. They're done. No one is judging you, no one remembers it as clear as you do (if at all) and all those things are in your own head. Center yourself, bring yourself back to the here and now. Just let those emotions and feelings go.

[sin]

Thank you for your reply.

I don't really know, I'm trying to focus on something else and

whenever I remember traumatic things then i think of something nice

in that relationship and it helps and works.

It also bothers me those two feelings that are mixed.

You know, I really don't want that feeling I used to have in

our relationship but I also miss him.

So it's quite mixed, you don't want to go back and then you do. Odd.

Anyway, thank you:), it helps to see that somebody overcame those feelings.

[geegirl]

Thank you for your reply.

I don't really know, I'm trying to focus on something else and

whenever I remember traumatic things then i think of something nice

in that relationship and it helps and works.

It also bothers me those two feelings that are mixed.

You know, I really don't want that feeling I used to have in

our relationship but I also miss him.

So it's quite mixed, you don't want to go back and then you do. Odd.

Anyway, thank you:), it helps to see that somebody overcame those feelings.

 

I think, or what worked for me was whenever I was triggered by a memory of the past, and when those feelings of panic and anxiety came, I would think about something other than the relationship.

 

Don't go back to recalling the good things about the relationship because that keeps you idealizing and romaticizing the relationship. It keeps you stuck. You keep holding on.