Author kaygato Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 Because you aren't married to him. Because you are 20 years old. I don't know what threads you are referring to, but I suspect most of those cases deal with marriages of many years that may involve children. Marriage is a whole different ball of wax than just being in a long term relationship -- especially at a young age. Your lives are not yet legally intertwined. You can just break up with him. Ending a marriage isn't so easy. Marriage is a commitment. People take vows. That's likely why some of the advice you are seeing relating to marriage is different than what you are seeing here. It's your life. Stay with him if you want. We were all providing advice based upon what you said in your first post. Maybe you should go back and read it, because now you are completely backtracking and trying to act like things are so wonderful. You felt unhappy enough to come here and post a thread about it. If you think those feelings are just going to go away, you are mistaken. They will only get worse. Will it be hard and scary to break up with him? Yes. Will you cry? Yes. Will you miss him? Yes. But...will you be free to pursue what you want to pursue in life? Yes to that, too. You just have to decide how you want to live your life. If you want to convince yourself that he's the man of your dreams (despite what you posted in your first post on this thread), then by all means keep deluding yourself. In twenty years you will look back on this moment as a turning point in your life where maybe you should've made a different decision. Thank you for your post. I still don't agree, but thank you.
Author kaygato Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 I don't know what threads you are referring to, but I suspect most of those cases deal with marriages of many years that may involve children. Marriage is a whole different ball of wax than just being in a long term relationship -- especially at a young age. Actually the two I'm referring to didn't have any children. One was a marriage with no love respect or affection on the part of the wife and she said her husband did little to make her happy. The other thread was a guy with an emotionally neglectful wife who almost never had sex with him. I guess I'm just blowing off steam, it's been a crappy day.
Author kaygato Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 Maybe I should have posted this on the Cheating, Flirting, Jealousy section. That might have gotten me more constructive answers.
Lani Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Yeah, maybe they'll tell you what you want to hear. I think the advice to focus on yourself for a while was pretty damn constructive. But what you wanted to hear is 'Because you have some health issues, it's fine for you to be unsure about things and carry on the way you are. Hell, if you want, flirt with a few more guys behind your boyfriends back. Blame your low sex drive for any problems or mixed feelings you have. Do what you want, because you know what, you're the only one who's feelings and opinions matter!' That better?
Author kaygato Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 Yeah, maybe they'll tell you what you want to hear. I think the advice to focus on yourself for a while was pretty damn constructive. But what you wanted to hear is 'Because you have some health issues, it's fine for you to be unsure about things and carry on the way you are. Hell, if you want, flirt with a few more guys behind your boyfriends back. Blame your low sex drive for any problems or mixed feelings you have. Do what you want, because you know what, you're the only one who's feelings and opinions matter!' That better? I never said it was ok to flirt behind his back. I haven't done that, never will, end of story. I was just tempted to, and frankly I think it's totally unrealistic if you believe you'll never be attracted to anyone else when you're dating someone. I agree that the advice to focus on myself was constructive. But you can do that without being all, "Boyfriend, I don't like you at all anymore and I think we should break up." I mean, I could just ask him for some space.
Author kaygato Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 I never said it was ok to flirt behind his back. I haven't done that, never will, end of story. I was just tempted to, and frankly I think it's totally unrealistic if you believe you'll never be attracted to anyone else when you're dating someone. I agree that the advice to focus on myself was constructive. But you can do that without being all, "Boyfriend, I don't like you at all anymore and I think we should break up." I mean, I could just ask him for some space. And when i'm talking about focusing on myself i'm talking about focusing more on school & friends.
Lani Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 Ok. Ask your boyfriend for some space. Then focus on yourself for a while. Well done for not flirting with that guy on Facebook.
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