MrCastle Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Alright I'm curious about this situation and wondering if it happens to anyone else. My dating life is very feast or famine. A few months ago, I had a handful of new dating options. I was feeling good, in the zone, and overall enjoying where I was. Those options have been whittled down to about nothing. I've had drama at some level or another with all the options I had. This is not the first time this has happened. I go through a hot streak, then a cold one, then a hot one before I know it. My approach has not changed. Nothing I do changes, but for some reason I lose girls and find new ones. I would much rather prefer a stable dating life where it was consistent. These streaks are unpredictable and deflating when I'm in a cold one as I am now. Does anyone else score in bunches? Any insight as to why this might be?
iKING Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Story of my adult life. That's life though, comes in waves. It can't be absolute feast 24/7 or we'll all get fat dumb and happy and never appreciate it when it does come. In my younger years I never really went more then a week or two without a girlfriend, but I was also smack dab in the middle of the "scene", it seemed like there was always another girl that showed interest waiting until I was single again to make a move. The weird part? I never really appreciated it. Girls became disposable, and it was a really bad way of going about things. Now-a-days, It's much more appreciated and I don't take it for granted, not because I don't have girls pursuing me, but because I'm not stupid and go for any attractive thing with legs. When one comes along that is really special It's all the more wonderful. 1
Author MrCastle Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 Story of my adult life. That's life though, comes in waves. It can't be absolute feast 24/7 or we'll all get fat dumb and happy and never appreciate it when it does come. In my younger years I never really went more then a week or two without a girlfriend, but I was also smack dab in the middle of the "scene", it seemed like there was always another girl that showed interest waiting until I was single again to make a move. The weird part? I never really appreciated it. Girls became disposable, and it was a really bad way of going about things. Now-a-days, It's much more appreciated and I don't take it for granted, not because I don't have girls pursuing me, but because I'm not stupid and go for any attractive thing with legs. When one comes along that is really special It's all the more wonderful. I don't know, it's just so weird. I really feel like it's not my own doing. It won't work out with one girl, and then I'm like "that's okay, I have that other girl who texts me everyday without fail. She should be texting me soon," but then the text never comes. So I have to break the cycle and text her first. And she's distant, and definitely not as flirty as she was just a day ago. You see the writing on the wall and make a move on your last remaining option but she has changed her status from "single" to "it's complicated". Then I go a few weeks or months without any new options on the horizon, and before I know it, 3 new options pop up. It's insane.
USMCHokie Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Stretch out all the ups and downs over a longer period of time and you'll see that it's probably a pretty normal distribution. It just seems so up and down because of the relative compression of time you're associating with these events.
ThaWholigan Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Sometimes that is just our pattern, how things go for us generally. There could be a lesson in it, or there could be a way to manage that pattern. Either way, it will come to you when you need it to.
Author MrCastle Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 Stretch out all the ups and downs over a longer period of time and you'll see that it's probably a pretty normal distribution. It just seems so up and down because of the relative compression of time you're associating with these events. But why is this so? Why is it multiple options, or no options, with no in between? And why is it that I lose most of those options within the same time frame and gather new options in a similar time frame
Author MrCastle Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 Sometimes that is just our pattern, how things go for us generally. There could be a lesson in it, or there could be a way to manage that pattern. Either way, it will come to you when you need it to. I just wish there was a way to control it, but it is probably out of my control. The best you can do is manage your emotions when these waves happen and I do a poor job of that. When I'm on a high, I'm superman. When I'm on a low, I'm still superman but I'm being penetrated by a kryptonite dildo.
rhymes Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I can’t explain to you why, but I very much go through the same thing. I either have 2-4 prospective dating options of girls I’m interested in, or I can’t even get a girl to respond to a message, though I think unlike you, I meet most of my girls online, although that will be changing as the seasonal portion of my job is done, so my evenings and weekends are free now to get back to mixing and mingling in the ‘real world’. I think it’s just part of the normal ups and downs of life. Sometimes you feel great, motivated and everything’s going your way at work, personal life, finances, etc… and sometimes it feels like everything and anything is going wrong. When it rains, it pours and I find that to be true in dating in as well. So yes, I’d say as a normal 28 guy who has no issues dating, it can be very much hit or miss. Not sure why it’s not consistent, but perhaps it’s from the type of energy you put out there. I know when I have options; I feel more confident, care less (because I have options) and generally exude more charisma because I feel like I’m on my game and even if this one doesn’t work out, there’s a laundry list of ladies waiting to be next. When I can’t get a date, maybe split with a girl I’m seeing, or no one responds to my messages for weeks on end, then yes at times I feel it can be a big hit to my confidence and whether consciously or not, I’m sure it comes across in my body language, attitude and general demeanor. Only real thing I can think of as to why ? That or it’s completely random and sometimes the type of women you are meeting are more receptive to what you have to offer, and other times, you’re just not meeting the right type of women. I tend to believe people come into your life at a specific time, or for a specific reason. Works both ways like you said, I guess you just try to enjoy the feasts when you can, so you can be ready when the famine hits. 1
Keenly Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I kind of know where are coming from. There is never just one girl interested in me, its either zero, or five of them. 1
iKING Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 But why is this so? Why is it multiple options, or no options, with no in between? And why is it that I lose most of those options within the same time frame and gather new options in a similar time frame Destiny is straight schizophrenic, it really has no idea what it wants you to have. Seriously though, that's just life. If you want options all the time get involved in a serious hot spot and build up a reputation there. Have an extremely attractive girl on your arm one night and the next time you're there she's not with you. A lot of the dating insanity that goes on is in the younger years when people are just starting to get interested in members of the opposite sex and It's this new crazy thing everyone wants to try. Once we all grow up and get to be slightly jaded about dating absolutely anyone attractive we tend to be more reserved.
USMCHokie Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 But why is this so? Why is it multiple options, or no options, with no in between? And why is it that I lose most of those options within the same time frame and gather new options in a similar time frame Perhaps women can see through to your intent too easily... When you're without options, you treat each new girl with equal enthusiasm and zest; therefore, you build more options. The moment one girl moves up to the front of the line, your enthusiasm for the others wanes and they see this and respond in kind... Perhaps you need to work on the maintenance of your harem...?
ThaWholigan Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I just wish there was a way to control it, but it is probably out of my control. The best you can do is manage your emotions when these waves happen and I do a poor job of that. When I'm on a high, I'm superman. When I'm on a low, I'm still superman but I'm being penetrated by a kryptonite dildo. It's the balancing act between accepting what life throws at you and taking control of your reality that lots of us struggle with. When in fact, the former facilitates the latter . Acceptance is the key - once you accept that when it comes to people (in our case, women), they will change their minds occasionally or circumstances that they believe to be beyond their own control will intervene, or whatever. It is allowing it to just be and carrying on. You have to assume that it will always be fine, regardless - you would be surprised how this kind of thinking will influence your "pattern". 1
Author MrCastle Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 It's just one of those things. Most things in life, the more you do something, the better you are at it. The more you work out, the better your body will get. The more you practice a particular sport, the better you'll be at it. I don't know if you can get "better" at dating. In some ways you probably can. But these streaks will happen whether you are 15 or 55. It is a very strange, this dating world.
Author MrCastle Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 There's probably some correlation with your self esteem and how you're carrying yourself that you're just too close to see. The ebbs and flows generally result from the sort of energy we're manifesting. If you were dealing with drama, it was probably diminishing your appeal. Once it passes and you're less stressed, your vibe is healthier and you, by extension, are more appealing. That is certainly something I'm considering. I'm trying my best to live my life as if I have multiple options regardless of whether or not I really do but that is really hard. Women are a big deal for me. I could be a celebrity and bed thousands of women and they would still be a big deal for me. To not feel a woman's touch, or sometimes simply to talk to a woman and get her perspective on things, it's depressing. It's hard to carry myself the same way and act like it doesn't affect me when deep down it really does.
ThaWholigan Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 That is certainly something I'm considering. I'm trying my best to live my life as if I have multiple options regardless of whether or not I really do but that is really hard. Women are a big deal for me. I could be a celebrity and bed thousands of women and they would still be a big deal for me. To not feel a woman's touch, or sometimes simply to talk to a woman and get her perspective on things, it's depressing. It's hard to carry myself the same way and act like it doesn't affect me when deep down it really does. You know, it is perhaps sheer fortune that I do not share this undying need for women in my life. I love to have women around me, but I am just fine on my own. I would try to find a solution or a happy medium in order to counteract this feeling you have. A cultivation of true abundance.
sillyanswer Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Does anyone else score in bunches? Any insight as to why this might be? Yes. I think it's just randomness. I wish there could be a way to smooth out the humps so that the quiet periods weren't so quiet! 1
Author MrCastle Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 You know, it is perhaps sheer fortune that I do not share this undying need for women in my life. I love to have women around me, but I am just fine on my own. I would try to find a solution or a happy medium in order to counteract this feeling you have. A cultivation of true abundance. I don't even know how I would begin to start that. Women are my thing. Some people do drugs/party, and that's their thing. Others are motivated by money, and making money is their thing. Women were always my thing. I never went through a "cootie" phase. I was kissing girls in pre-k (and getting in trouble for it). I also pride myself on being the guy. It's not enough that I'm some dude a girl is dating. I have this desire to be the best man she's ever known, and put a lot of pressure on myself to be that guy. So when I have all this pent up passion and no one to use it on, I get very frustrated very easily
Author MrCastle Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 But wait arent you intersted in only casual dating only, including multi-dating, and not a long term relationship? Thats what I've always gathered from your posts. If thats correct, then I think you are getting what you want. Meaning, the girls bail on you when they reailze youre not interested in long term. Then like anyone, it takes a few weeks/month to build your pipeline back up That's not how it works though. Every girl I date is made aware, very early on, that we are just casual. They know I have other options and don't mind because they are just in it for the hook up as well. Then, for one reason or another, things die out. Yes, sometimes it's because they found someone who was willing to settle down with them, but other times there is no rhyme or reason. Then, like clockwork, a few new women sprout up, and the process begins all over again.
curlygirl40 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I think Rhymes and Monica have some good points. When you have a lot of options, you have a pep in your step, your self esteem is at a high, and you're probably also not looking so things are coming your way. People are more attractive to others when they are had or wanted by others, no? Then when you're in a low, it could come across in attitude, self esteem, desperation, etc. and that in turn could work against you. Also though, you had posted an example about talking to/dating (can't remember now) a girl, then having her go by the wayside and then your backup girl not being as available either, etc. Well, people can usually tell when they are the backup option and they could just move along for that reason. Leaving you without any options. Some of it is just probably a natural ebb and flow of life and have nothing to do with you or how you 'play' things. But some of it is probably the confidence you exude during certain times. 2
Author MrCastle Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 I think Rhymes and Monica have some good points. When you have a lot of options, you have a pep in your step, your self esteem is at a high, and you're probably also not looking so things are coming your way. People are more attractive to others when they are had or wanted by others, no? Then when you're in a low, it could come across in attitude, self esteem, desperation, etc. and that in turn could work against you. Also though, you had posted an example about talking to/dating (can't remember now) a girl, then having her go by the wayside and then your backup girl not being as available either, etc. Well, people can usually tell when they are the backup option and they could just move along for that reason. Leaving you without any options. Some of it is just probably a natural ebb and flow of life and have nothing to do with you or how you 'play' things. But some of it is probably the confidence you exude during certain times. Yeah you guys are probably right on that front. Gah. I wish I didn't care about women as much as I do
iKING Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Gah. I wish I didn't care about women as much as I do They're like a drug. 1
curlygirl40 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 They're like a drug. And we smell nice. lol 3
Star Gazer Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I experience the same thing, and it's usually immediately after a "relationship" ends and I'm feeling down that a feast occurs. Luckily, this has a way of making me feel a little better about my failed relationship, but it also feels a little bit like there's blood in the water and I'm being circled by sharks. After a while, I find myself out in the middle of the ocean all by myself, without so much as a sardine to keep me company. 1
Author MrCastle Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 Or so they say. Just curious, what do say to them to tell them about dating others? Me: I like where we're at. Keeping things casual you know. This works for me. Her: Yeah I agree. Me: Cool. Just making sure you know. I don't want anyone to like cath feelings or whatever. I'm not looking for anything serious right now. Her: Yeah I totally get you don't worry. I want the same thing. Then if she asks about who else I'm seeing or if I'm seeing anyone at all (this is usually don't ask, don't tell, all she needs to know is we're casual but if she asks...) Me: Yeah there's a few but it's nothing serious. Just enjoying being single you know? Right now I just want to have fun.
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