ria_smiles16 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Hi guys, I recently posted about the abrupt end to my prior relationship with my ex. As many of you advised me to do, I'm moving on. Recently I've met someone at a store I go to and gave him my number. He is very kind, sweet, funny and seems to be genuinely interested in me. I even met some of his family last week. He is in the navy and will be going to basic training in September, and he has already talked to me in the long-term sense about how he wants me to be okay while he is gone. Recently though I started following him on twitter and noticed he's been flirting with other girls and calls them sweet names like he does me. I'm a little torn..rationally, it's only twitter and we aren't exclusive either so he has as much right as I do to flirt with other people. But at the same time, the way our conversations are going we both want commitment somewhere down the road. I just don't want to end up played so I feel a little wary of him now...am I right to feel this way? Am I reading to much into this, or am I really just THAT unlucky? Thank you in advance! Also, I am 20 and he is 19.
outsidethebox Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 do you think that he doesn't know that you would see his tweets as a follower?
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 The thing about players is they tell you what they think you want to hear (commitment, fidelity, seriousness, long-term, blah blah blah), but their behavior says otherwise. So...here we have the exact same sweet nothings to other women, lack of exclusivity, etc. despite all the heavy talk of commitment, the "long-term," and you waiting around for him when he goes to basic training in six months...hmmm. Rationally, you know there's a major problem with this. Emotionally, you want to believe it isn't so. Your choice.
Author ria_smiles16 Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 Thanks so much for your responses! He actually just found me on Twitter I'm assuming because he started following me today. In terms of infidelity, you see the thing is we aren't in an exclusive relationship so technically he is free to do as he pleases as much as I am. When I've seen him though his actions are sincere and genuine. He had been sick so I took him a get well package and we are going out on a date Friday night. I guess all I can do is talk to him and ask him what it is he wants and tell him what I want. I feel if this continues after we are in a committed relationship then I will have a real issue with that.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 The thing about players is they tell you what they think you want to hear (commitment, fidelity, seriousness, long-term, blah blah blah), but their behavior says otherwise. So...here we have the exact same sweet nothings to other women, lack of exclusivity, etc. despite all the heavy talk of commitment, the "long-term," and you waiting around for him when he goes to basic training in six months...hmmm. Rationally, you know there's a major problem with this. Emotionally, you want to believe it isn't so. Your choice. He's not a player since they aren't committed. OP just said that she flirts with other dudes too. OP, he's not playing you because you're not committed yet. He's considering his other options, just like you are doing.
ja123 Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 It sounds like he's future-faking by the way he's talking about how you'll be when he leaves on training. 1
Author ria_smiles16 Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 Yes, HoneyBadger understands. I guess I'm just confused as to what specifically he wants, hence why I think it will be good for us to talk when I see him. And ja123..that is exactly what I don't want. I already fell for that crap once for a solid 4 years...don't want that to happen again. I really want to view this with an open mind, but based on my past experience with a guy leading me on solely for getting what he wants out of me I can't help but to be hesitant. His actions don't really concern me because he doesn't act differently when he's around me than when he texts me. I do want a relationship with him, so I don't want to scare him off haha, I just want to know how I should go about bringing this up
ja123 Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 His actions do differ: he's flirting with other girls and talking to them as he does you when he's on twitter. Why be afraid of scaring him off? You mean by expressing your needs and expectations? By asking some questions? Don't fear that you'll scare him off, if you do scare him off then that's down to him not you, right? It would mean that he wasn't that serious about you if he's scared off. And wouldn't it be better to find that out sooned than later after you invested emotions, time, and hope into the guy?
Author ria_smiles16 Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 You do have a point about that. It's my needs and I need to express them. If he respects them good, if not at least I found out now. And yes, he is 19 and that's young but I'm 20 and I'm pretty young as well. By commitment I mean a relationship, I don't mean anything much more serious haha. Just because we're both young though doesn't make me feel like I should shy away from the possibility of a relationship though. At the very least what I stand to gain is knowledge about myself and what I need in the future.
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