Wabisabi Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I hope I can get some solid advices here as I'm in a state of confusion(I think...). I'd been with a guy for almost 3 months. It's not a long time but I fell deeply in love with him. And I think he did too, in the beginning. It's a LDR btw. For some reasons, I knew this relationship will not get me anywhere. We live too far away, have lesser and lesser things to talk about as each day passes and the worst thing is I felt that he's manipulating and playing with my feelings. One day he could tell me how much he loved me and suddenly the next day he didn't wanna talk to me and wanted to break up with me. Then when I thought it's over and got all depressed, he begged me to take him back and promised never to hurt my feelings again. Then after some time, he did that again, telling me he lied about everything and he didn't love me. Again I was dragged into an emotional roller-coaster and AGAIN, after a few days, he told me he said all that to hurt me but he didn't mean it at all and apologized. I knew I shouldn't have accepted him back in my life but I did because I couldn't let go of my feelings and need for him. The last few weeks he started to talk lesser and it was me who put in all crazy efforts to get him to talk, finding ways to please him, helping him when he needed help...he told me every day that he loved me but the rest of his actions just didn't match. Finally, today he told me he doesn't love me anymore and this time, I think I'm ready to let go. The part where I need help is that I'm confused about my own feelings. I'm feeling lonely already, very sad and hurt but I'm not crying. The last 2 times when he left me, I cried my heart out but this time, I wanna cry but I couldn't. It's not that I'm relieved or is it any easier for me to move on, it's not because I'm feeling so lonely, like no one could ever love me again. I'm in my 30s and I feel no one wants me anymore...BUT what's wrong with me? Why am I not crying? Am I in denial? Or am I really starting to move on? I'm so afraid it's the former. If so, what should I do? How do I cope with the coming days and weeks when the loneliness truly kicks in and I'll start to get depressed? Why do I think I'm gonna get depressed and not better? Rationally, I should be happier as I don't need a guy like him in my life but on the other hand, I still love him. I'm also afraid I won't be able to cope well since I work alone most of the time. Omg, I feel so lost and confused! Help me please??
SimonSerenade Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Darling your better way too hard on yourself, I'm not sure what happened with this guy and what arguments you had but sometimes that's just the way it goes and there's nothing more to it, it could be that he felt he could say those kind of things because it's a long distance relationship, some people don't take that sort of stuff seriously, it's horrible how he's been and your way better off in my opinion, I had a long distance relationship once, only saw her a few times in the few months we were together but I was the one making all the efforts, at first it was a great relationship, had a great starts with lots of feelings involved but I think overtime we realised it wasn't working and started venting our frustrations at each other rather than just admit the distance was just too much to handle, sounds like he's having the same frustrations and rather than just say that he's saying he don't love you, probably his way of trying to detach himself from what he probably did view to be a good relationship but with too much in the way. It's understandable how your feeling, don't feel bad about it though, it's natural to feel upset, sometimes feelings can develop stronger in long distance relationships cause all people do is talk and talk and talk and really get to know each other, I remember at the time when we broke up a part of me was relieved and a part of me felt broken up, relieved that I could move on to something more local and broken up because I felt a long distance relationship was simply the best I could do at the time, probably one of the reasons why I even got in to all of that was because there was nobody around showing interest in me at the time. Don't take it too personally sweetheart, your moving on and accepting everything for what it is, you seem like a nice person and there's always and I mean ALWAYS somebody around the corner for nice people, might take them a while to move there ass and find you but it happens and when it does all the rest goes away, don't let yourself get dragged in to self doubt and don't let yourself be dragged in by this guy again, you know yourself what you deserve and this guy isn't it, everyone gets lonely sometimes, especially single people, your not alone here, there's millions of people on this planet feeling lonely right now but you'll be alright, just got to believe. 1
Author Wabisabi Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 There was no argument. He was all loving and caring one day and over on the next. We spoke on the phone and he didn't sound like he was making a difficult choice... I guess I'm worried at my own inability to react properly. Afraid that at one point it'll hit me bad suddenly. We'll be meeting during summer this year (unavoidable) and I'm not sure how I'm gonna face him and what seeing him will do to me emotionally. I don't have a strong safety net to fall back on and I felt like I need to deal with the whole emotional baggage NOW. Problem is, I'm pretty numb right now?!
Author Wabisabi Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 Is it normal that I now start picturing scenarios of how I'd treat him when I see him? And that's always with me looking like I couldn't be bothered and him regretting? And as karma would have it, a friend told me that a guy I rejected some years ago now have a girlfriend and I find myself feeling like a failure.
SimonSerenade Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Sorry you had to wait a little while for a reply, didn't know you replied, it doesn't tell you on this site, that's something they could do with changing. In my experience, it doesn't always have to be an argument that kick starts people acting out like that, I've been like that, sometimes it was something a girl said and I kept it to myself and vented my anger like that, those girls didn't know what the hell was happening lol sometimes it was just something they told me about there past that I felt I had no right to have a say on cause well... it's the past and vented out like that, this dude could of been doing the same thing?, If he's a sensitive dude it's a good maybe, I'd think back on that and see if you said anything to him that might have bummed him out a little. Don't even think about all that right now, it's okay to be numb, this is the part of the break up where you process everything, for some people it's just like that and then out of nowhere one day all those feelings inside you start to flow out of you, I myself find it hard to cry, some days all I really ever want to do is cry and feel better but nothing comes out then over some time it builds up until I let myself go and man when I start I really can't stop and it feels good!, maybe your like that too, if your a person that's gone through quite a bit in your life and maybe your used to feeling down a lot because of it you can get stuck in those ways, almost like your resistant to it but everybody cries at some point in there life and it'll eventually happen to you too. You can't think about what your going to do and say to this guy, that **** will drive you to the crazy house in a white strait jacket, I'm pretty sure no matter how hard I've thought about things in my life and how I think situations would go, it never turns out the way I thought about it, keep calm and keep relaxed, whatever happens is going to happen, who knows, maybe you 2 meeting might be a good thing, see what this guy is like in real life, he might even turn out quite a lot better than he is online, you got a long time to wait before you see this guy, try and enjoy your life, get over some stuff and see where your head is at when you finally come face to face with this guy, I bet by then you'll be over the worst of it and will have no problem talking to him. Ah I'm sorry, I wouldn't say that's karma though, that's something you shouldn't even be thinking about, that happened years a go, people hardly goes years without ever finding someone again, it's all natural, your still young though you know, in your prime, you need to get yourself out there and find yourself someone nice, there's plenty and I mean PLENTY of fish in the sea, your not a failure, there's a lot of people out there going through the same as you, just don't think about it too much, just take your time and someone will find you .
Author Wabisabi Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 Thank you so much for your reply. Really helps me get out of my darkness. I woke up feeling kinda bad today but somehow I feel this is better than feeling numb and too calm like the last few days. I just need to pull myself together and keep moving forward. Oh, I knew him for almost 10 years and we meet every year so I know him in real life. Only thing is we're from different countries so we hardly get to meet often. And I know thinking of crazy scenarios and thinking about the other guy with his new gf can get me pretty ****** up. Uggh! I'm gonna will myself to stop thinking of all that. It won't do me good...can't help it at times but yeah, it won't do me any good at all.
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