Married friend constantly flirts with me

[CandyRon]

Help! Okay, let me 1st give you guys some background info. I moved to a new country to study about a year ago. Through some mutual friends, I met a wonderful couple, and their two young kids, with whom I have become very good friends with. There is a slight age difference (I'm 20, she's 27, he's 31) but we all get along extremely well.

In the 1st 2-3 months it was all smooth sailing, and the couple would come over to my place often to help me set up. I got to know them better and felt completely at ease to be alone with either of them. Then, the guy started to slowly flirt with me. I never realised it sooner because I've never had a real boyfriend nor do I get 'hit on' often. It started with him talking about how I represent what he used to be when he was younger and how he loves my 'care-free lifestyle and eccentric views'.

It then progressed to him spending more and more time alone with me. He said that he likes my company because he can talk to me freely and openly as if I'm one of the guys (I'm a bit of a tomboy). I never thought that he would make any moves on me because he has a wonderful marriage and two great little kids. Things just became more awkward when he started doing strange things. Like once he 'accidentally' came into the room I was sleeping in (I stayed over at their house) and lay down next to me. He started to outright say suggestive things to me and would always ask if I have a boyfriend. I started to cut my contact with them so as to discourage him, and it worked for a short while. I started feeling really guilty because his wife would often phone me and ask me to come over and spend time with her and the kids.

Things were quiet for a few weeks after that, until one night, when the guy pitches up at my place under the guise of 'checking up on me' (I had been sick previous to that). We started talking and then he told me that he really likes me and he does not know why. I tried to guilt trip him about him, telling him to think of his family and his two kids, but he seemed un-phased. He said has no plans of leaving his marriage, he just wants to have some fun. I even resorted to telling him that I'm not even remotely as good looking as his wife (it's true) and that maybe he's experiencing the '7 year itch'. He just kept saying that he is very attracted to me and there's something about me that he can't resist. I told him it was time to leave, and as I was opening my door, he grabbed me and tried to kiss me. I was shocked and confused and made him go home after that.

This all happened about 4 months ago and since then I had not seen them (I was avoiding him, and I had exams) - until this week. I just arrived from their place, and I'm worried because he is still not over this infatuation. I spent the weekend with them and he made it so that he was alone with me for long periods of time. He even waited until his wife left to go to work, so that he could drop me off at my house alone (1 hour drive!). He spent the entire weekend flirting with me, and when I arrived home, he wanted to come in to 'finish our business'.

At 1st I used to ignore his advances because honestly I was flattered, but now it's getting out of hand.

What do I do?? I'm only 20 years old (was 19 when this all started) and have absolutely zero experience with guys in terms of relationships. I do not want to lose his wife's wonderful friendship, but I need to do something to make him stop. He was also a very good friend of mine, but now the situation is tense and awkward for me.

How do I rectify this situation so that it returns to relative normality?

Edited March 11, 2013 by CandyRon

[Dragonfruit]

Don't get involved in breaking up a home with small children. It's not appropriate for you to be alone with him or discuss his seven year itch or anything at all that you would not do in front of his wife. You are old enough to know that. I would cut ties and don't go back, period. Or else tell his wife. Also, don't be flattered by his nonsense or fall for a cheap thrill, this woman and her children have a lot at stake and you can sleep with all kinds of single guys. Men are picky about who they marry but not at all picky about who they will cheat with on the side. He probably does it to everyone and tries his stupid flattery. He's a scumbag. How would you like it if you were his wife? Do you really think things can return to normal? No. Join a dating site, find someone without breaking a friend's heart.

Edited March 11, 2013 by Dragonfruit

[will1988]

Help! Okay, let me 1st give you guys some background info. I moved to a new country to study about a year ago. Through some mutual friends, I met a wonderful couple, and their two young kids, with whom I have become very good friends with. There is a slight age difference (I'm 20, she's 27, he's 31) but we all get along extremely well.

In the 1st 2-3 months it was all smooth sailing, and the couple would come over to my place often to help me set up. I got to know them better and felt completely at ease to be alone with either of them. Then, the guy started to slowly flirt with me. I never realised it sooner because I've never had a real boyfriend nor do I get 'hit on' often. It started with him talking about how I represent what he used to be when he was younger and how he loves my 'care-free lifestyle and eccentric views'.

It then progressed to him spending more and more time alone with me. He said that he likes my company because he can talk to me freely and openly as if I'm one of the guys (I'm a bit of a tomboy). I never thought that he would make any moves on me because he has a wonderful marriage and two great little kids. Things just became more awkward when he started doing strange things. Like once he 'accidentally' came into the room I was sleeping in (I stayed over at their house) and lay down next to me. He started to outright say suggestive things to me and would always ask if I have a boyfriend. I started to cut my contact with them so as to discourage him, and it worked for a short while. I started feeling really guilty because his wife would often phone me and ask me to come over and spend time with her and the kids.

Things were quiet for a few weeks after that, until one night, when the guy pitches up at my place under the guise of 'checking up on me' (I had been sick previous to that). We started talking and then he told me that he really likes me and he does not know why. I tried to guilt trip him about him, telling him to think of his family and his two kids, but he seemed un-phased. He said has no plans of leaving his marriage, he just wants to have some fun. I even resorted to telling him that I'm not even remotely as good looking as his wife (it's true) and that maybe he's experiencing the '7 year itch'. He just kept saying that he is very attracted to me and there's something about me that he can't resist. I told him it was time to leave, and as I was opening my door, he grabbed me and tried to kiss me. I was shocked and confused and made him go home after that.

This all happened about 4 months ago and since then I had not seen them (I was avoiding him, and I had exams) - until this week. I just arrived from their place, and I'm worried because he is still not over this infatuation. I spent the weekend with them and he made it so that he was alone with me for long periods of time. He even waited until his wife left to go to work, so that he could drop me off at my house alone (1 hour drive!). He spent the entire weekend flirting with me, and when I arrived home, he wanted to come in to 'finish our business'.

At 1st I used to ignore his advances because honestly I was flattered, but now it's getting out of hand.

What do I do?? I'm only 20 years old (was 19 when this all started) and have absolutely zero experience with guys in terms of relationships. I do not want to lose his wife's wonderful friendship, but I need to do something to make him stop. He was also a very good friend of mine, but now the situation is tense and awkward for me.

How do I rectify this situation so that it returns to relative normality?

 

 

Maybe just try to distance yourself from them and get new friends, or tell the wife... she does have a right to know. God knows who else this guy is hitting on or cheating on his wife with.

[CandyRon]

Don't get involved in breaking up a home with small children. It's not appropriate for you to be alone with him or discuss his seven year itch or anything at all that you would not do in front of his wife. You are old enough to know that. I would cut ties and don't go back, period. Or else tell his wife. Also, don't be flattered by his nonsense or fall for a cheap thrill, this woman and her children have a lot at stake and you can sleep with all kinds of single guys. Men are picky about who they marry but not at all picky about who they will cheat with on the side. He probably does it to everyone and tries his stupid flattery. He's a scumbag. How would you like it if you were his wife? Do you really think things can return to normal? No. Join a dating site, find someone without breaking a friend's heart.

 

I know it seems like I'm trying to break up his home or something, but I swear I'm not. It's definitely NOT about sex ans 'sleeping with all kinds of single guys'. I just hoped that even a shred of the friendship could be regained. I don't know if I could tell his wife or not, because they are the only sort of family (them, their kids and their parents) I have in this country. As the saying goes 'it takes two to tango' and I'm afraid she will blame me

Edited March 11, 2013 by CandyRon

[Dragonfruit]

I know it seems like I'm trying to break up his home or something, but I swear I'm not. It's definitely NOT about sex ans 'sleeping with all kinds of single guys'. I just hoped that even a shred of the friendship could be regained. I don't know if I could tell his wife or not, because they are the only sort of family (them, their kids and their parents) I have in this country. As the saying goes 'it takes two to tango' and I'm afraid she will blame me

 

Well the thing is, it does take two to tango. And, I'm afraid you do have some responsibility for what has happened so far. Only 19 or only 20 or a virgin is still a grown woman who knows what's what. It's not possible for him to "constantly flirt with you" without your cooperation. He can't "spend more and more time alone with you" or lay down in bed with you without your cooperation. The language as if everything was done to you- repeatedly- while you were not involved isn't entirely honest, let's get real here. There's no point talking otherwise.

 

I did not mean it was about sex and sleeping with all kinds of single guys, I'm sorry if it sounded that way. What I said (or meant anyway) was if you DID want to have a casual affair, you could easily find a partner besides him. My advice was more like don't play with fire, and make no mistake, you are playing with fire.

 

I think you know that you need to completely stay away from this family or tell your friend, his wife. Otherwise, if it continues on it's present course you will have an affair and probably help destroy a home with children, your friend's home. If it was me, I think I'd just cut the ties. You don't need to be dragged into this couple's mess. Good luck to you.

[CandyRon]

Well the thing is, it does take two to tango. And, I'm afraid you do have some responsibility for what has happened so far. Only 19 or only 20 or a virgin is still a grown woman who knows what's what. It's not possible for him to "constantly flirt with you" without your cooperation. He can't "spend more and more time alone with you" or lay down in bed with you without your cooperation. The language as if everything was done to you- repeatedly- while you were not involved isn't entirely honest, let's get real here. There's no point talking otherwise.

 

I did not mean it was about sex and sleeping with all kinds of single guys, I'm sorry if it sounded that way. What I said (or meant anyway) was if you DID want to have a casual affair, you could easily find a partner besides him. My advice was more like don't play with fire, and make no mistake, you are playing with fire.

 

I think you know that you need to completely stay away from this family or tell your friend, his wife. Otherwise, if it continues on it's present course you will have an affair and probably help destroy a home with children, your friend's home. If it was me, I think I'd just cut the ties. You don't need to be dragged into this couple's mess. Good luck to you.

 

You're right, and I'm sorry if I came off as rude, that wasn't my intention . I guess the only reason I'm really stalling over this is because if I cut him out completely then it means I lose a loving family that has given me the feeling of a home. It just has to be done though. Thanks for your advice, it's appreciated

[CandyRon]

Maybe just try to distance yourself from them and get new friends, or tell the wife... she does have a right to know. God knows who else this guy is hitting on or cheating on his wife with.

 

True, I think I'll just distance myself from them