Author curlygirl40 Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 I think a lot of this just depends on the dynamics between the two, but generally if you're interested in a relationship it's good to hold off and build up the sexual tension and anticipation while also allowing the emotional bond a chance to develop... not to mention trust, respect, communication and so on. In the moment the guy will seldom be the one to put the brakes on but in the long run he'll appreciate it if you do, assuming long-term relationship is the goal. If he's wanting a hit and run, not so much. ................ . Very good post Sal Thank you for sharing!! 1
Lonely Ronin Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 She's a great kisser and the kissing is really intimate and triggers all that good chemistry. This is something that I pay close attention to. Based on my experiences, there is a 1 to 1 correlation, between being a good kisser and good when things become more intimate. The girls that always get me are the ones that run their fingers down the back of my neck , or around my ears.
PogoStick Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 (edited) Ok a more serious answer. That stuff may fly and is even reasonable as a teen. But post college, by age 24 or so, it's time to know what you want and what you are comfortable with. Girls complain about guys playing games, well hey look in the mirror. Sex is what adults do and it doesn't seem to be a problem for most women. If a woman has problems with guys bailing after sex then the real problem is her own. She must have issues with confidence, or her ability to read/choose a guy who is worthy of having sex with. Guys don't leave because they get sex. They leave because they're not attracted to the woman. Good guys will leave a woman withholding sex because she's insecure and playing games. That in itself is unattractive. Edited March 12, 2013 by PogoStick 1
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Hello! So guys, here's a scenario. You've been on a handful of dates with a girl, and you finally get some privacy to go further than just making out. Whether it's just in a car or one of your places. The girl is not ready to have sex, but she will fool around. Second base, maybe third.... How does this make you feel? Excited? Frustrated? Do you feel like she's being a tease by letting this all start knowing that it's not going to actually lead to sex? So when she leaves for the evening, what are you thinking? Can't wait to do that again so we can go further? She's a tease? What was she thinking leaving me like this? Wow that was fun? Would love to know. Generally, if a girl makes me work for it, I start looking at her as girlfriend material....which can be good or bad, depending on the girl. 1
daletom Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 To me, once a guy gets started on me 'above the belt' let's say, it drives me crazy and stopping it there takes an enormous amount of willpower. That's where the advice about making the limits clear beforehand becomes very important. Clearly and respectfully let your partner know what is, and isn't, acceptable and make sure the other person will help you stick to those limits. This applies to both boys and girls. If you don't have trust in your partner to help you keep the boundaries then maybe you should back up to the perfunctory-kiss-while-standing-on-the-front-porch phase. Seriously. Yes, the boundaries change as relationships develop so communication is important - preferably by daylight, rather than in a parked car or dorm room at 1:00 AM. Both of you will probably test the boundaries, and both of you should be ready to respectfully decline an advance and neither of you should feel insulted when this happens. I dated just one girl who surprised me when she kissed - REALLY kissed! - on the first date. But we had been writing some progressively serious letters to each other for over 3 months before we even met and had fair ideas of where each other stood on the subject of sex and physical affection. One year plus two weeks after that first kiss we experienced the physical and emotional intensity of a double-virgin wedding night. In between she made it known, verbally and otherwise, that if she was a virgin when her wedding day started, there would be PLENTY of sex after that. It was definitely a mutual effort to reach that goal, but she kept the promise: over the last 38 years we have enjoyed sex a lot, and enjoyed a lot of sex. 1
crude Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I'm a bigger tease than any girl, so its hard to say. For me, its more fun to beat a girl at her own game than it is to have sex. Since so many men on this board say plain women can get great looking guys but men have to settle for women who are beneath them, then there's nothing to lose messing with a not hot woman, unless the guy just got out of prison. You can tell her you love big breasts, not pancake ones, she's not your type, you look at her as being a guy friend, then pat her on the back and say let's be buddies. Messing with her confidence and her belief that no man can resist any woman would be more fun than sex with a not so attractive woman.
daletom Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 . . . I just feel if I'm not ready, I don't want to put myself in that position. . . . I admire and respect that approach, but at 22 I may have interpreted it as personal rejection rather than what it really is. Keep communicating, and building trust, until the time comes when both of you ARE ready, or you know he won't go farther than you want even if you are "in that position". Looking back several decades I know both my girlfriend/fiance and I experienced some unrelieved sexual desire (can I say "horniness" on here?) as we counted the days to our wedding. But I also know we understood what the limits were, and worked with each other to stay within our boundaries - and this communication and trust allowed us to enjoy and learn from our lovemaking right up to the agreed-on boundaries. After we added intercourse to our relationship it took only about 2 couplings until we went into an "exploration and discovery" phase, without going through a "sexual adjustment" phase I've heard many couples talk about. 1
MrLovaLova Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 Hello! So guys, here's a scenario. You've been on a handful of dates with a girl, and you finally get some privacy to go further than just making out. Whether it's just in a car or one of your places. The girl is not ready to have sex, but she will fool around. Second base, maybe third.... How does this make you feel? Excited? Frustrated? Do you feel like she's being a tease by letting this all start knowing that it's not going to actually lead to sex? So when she leaves for the evening, what are you thinking? Can't wait to do that again so we can go further? She's a tease? What was she thinking leaving me like this? Wow that was fun? Would love to know. Can you define what each base means first? It is important to know because there can be a lot of confusion.
Author curlygirl40 Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 (edited) First base - kissing Second base - above the belt Third base - below the belt Fourth base - All the way Fifth base - Ha! Someone else will have to fill in that blank. Not literally..... At least that's the way I remember from when I was a teen. There's a great line from Seinfeld when Elaine was dating Keith Hernandez. In a very flirty way she told him to watch the third base coach because he wasn't waving him in. LOL I have used that line. This guy seems to be doing the fadaway on me after our last date (kissed goodbye again in the parking lot, didn't round any bases...), so on to the next one! But great information in this thread thank you!! Edited March 16, 2013 by curlygirl40
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 First base - kissing Second base - above the belt Third base - below the belt Fourth base - All the way Fifth base - Ha! Someone else will have to fill in that blank. Not literally..... At least that's the way I remember from when I was a teen. There's a great line from Seinfeld when Elaine was dating Keith Hernandez. In a very flirty way she told him to watch the third base coach because he wasn't waving him in. LOL I have used that line. This guy seems to be doing the fadaway on me after our last date, so on to the next one! But great information in this thread thank you!! Fifth base - Ninjainpajamas...."deluxe special" Yeah you gotta be careful about "teasing"....there's a difference between creating that sexual tension and just going too far, which can be frustrating and annoying as it can come off as "playing games". Sexual tension I believe occurs naturally when it's there, and then things can progress slowly down that road...but you don't go full force or put yourself in a compromising position or lead it down a path almost all the way then pull back...that's called foreplay and you better be planning on riding the bucking bronco if you're going to go that far. I think this is also less effective as you get older...everyone has had sex already, and has been intimate with several people at this stage at least for most...so to kind of play this "innocent" teasing role, can come off as a bit childish or even immature...personally I'd just not rather even go that far and keep it light, then go down the point of no return....yet in fact, return. It would be irritating and disappointing and I definitely wouldn't want to be played games with, and I think most men would feel the same way, after all If we really wanted some...we could probably get it elsewhere instead of do this whole "teasing" thing. But I think it's your right to wait, I don't think you should feel pressured into being intimate of course...that's your decision, your right obviously, but on the same token, don't be Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman" one second, then the virgin Mary the next, it doesn't work that way 2
Author curlygirl40 Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 Fifth base - Ninjainpajamas...."deluxe special" Yeah you gotta be careful about "teasing"....there's a difference between creating that sexual tension and just going too far, which can be frustrating and annoying as it can come off as "playing games". Ha! My thought wasn't to tease this guy forever, was more thinking of creating that sexual tension and leave him wanting more one date before I was ready. I love sex too and love when I get to that point with a guy where I feel comfortable and it's on. I also don't like having a sexual relationship when some things aren't on the table (being exclusive, etc) and I think it's kinda too early for that convo. It's such a balancing act and a tough line. I think the 3rd, 4th date is too early to have 'the talk' but I also don't want to get myself involved in a sexual relationship when I'm not sure if he's seeing/sleeping with other people. When I'm having sex with someone I'm not sleeping with other people, and I expect the same in return. Anyway, kinda moot I think with this guy anyway. Seems he's lost interest, hard to say for sure. Time will tell!
JMCOSU838 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 The way I would feel about being teased by someone I was with would depend on what I thought her motivations were. If I thought she was doing it as a way to build excitement, then I would be frustrated, but in a good way. On the other hand, if I thought she was doing it as a way to be controlling, then I would be pretty irritated and I probably wouldn't want to see her again. If I thought she was doing it because she wasn't ready to go any further then I would understand. At that point, I probably wouldn't do anything at all with her until I knew she was ready. After all, what's the point in warming up the car if you never go anywhere.
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