Rounding the bases while dating. Guys?

[curlygirl40]

Hello!

 

So guys, here's a scenario.

 

You've been on a handful of dates with a girl, and you finally get some privacy to go further than just making out. Whether it's just in a car or one of your places. The girl is not ready to have sex, but she will fool around. Second base, maybe third....

 

How does this make you feel? Excited? Frustrated? Do you feel like she's being a tease by letting this all start knowing that it's not going to actually lead to sex?

 

So when she leaves for the evening, what are you thinking? Can't wait to do that again so we can go further? She's a tease? What was she thinking leaving me like this? Wow that was fun?

 

Would love to know.

[Barnacle-Bob]

I'm a bigger tease than any girl, so its hard to say. For me, its more fun to beat a girl at her own game than it is to have sex.

 

Actually, in college there was a girl I used to goof around with. We would have all kinds of fun, but wouldn't go all the way. It was exciting and suspenseful. But then eventually we had sex. The lesson I learned was, at some point, you're going to have sex, so why not just eff with the girl a little instead of letting her eff with me.

Edited March 11, 2013 by Barnacle-Bob

[sabre80]

One of the hardest things for me to learn about dating was to stop being such a "Perfect Gentleman". It is good to be a Gentleman but you also need to keep a bit of your dirty dog too. If I am in private and making out with a woman I am dating my hands are GOING to be wandering. I will respect no but I will keep trying each time.

 

It is sometimes too hard for nice guys to realize that if your are locking lips she likes you and more than likely WANTS you to touch her. . . all over.

[Untouchable_Fire]

One of the hardest things for me to learn about dating was to stop being such a "Perfect Gentleman". It is good to be a Gentleman but you also need to keep a bit of your dirty dog too. If I am in private and making out with a woman I am dating my hands are GOING to be wandering. I will respect no but I will keep trying each time.

It is sometimes too hard for nice guys to realize that if your are locking lips she likes you and more than likely WANTS you to touch her. . . all over.

 

Yeah... I had a hard time learning this lesson as well.

 

In my experience the girls who say "no" always get me more interested in the long term.

 

Probably a great way to find out if the guy is a douchebag or not too.

[PogoStick]

Maybe she's not into baseball. It is terribly slow and boring after all. Try naked wrestling, ancient Greek style, covered in oil.

[Cutiepie1976]

Softball, hardball, or t-ball?

 

Blue ball!

 

Curlygirl--Do what feels right for you. You'll end up with someone who is compatible with you.

[kaylan]

Hello!

 

So guys, here's a scenario.

 

You've been on a handful of dates with a girl, and you finally get some privacy to go further than just making out. Whether it's just in a car or one of your places. The girl is not ready to have sex, but she will fool around. Second base, maybe third....

 

How does this make you feel? Excited? Frustrated? Do you feel like she's being a tease by letting this all start knowing that it's not going to actually lead to sex?

 

So when she leaves for the evening, what are you thinking? Can't wait to do that again so we can go further? She's a tease? What was she thinking leaving me like this? Wow that was fun?

 

Would love to know.

I dont get the point in this. If you are going to do sexual stuff, you might as well have sex. I can understand a man or woman being annoyed by this tease stuff.

 

If you wanna hook up and not have sex, keep it strictly second base only. So only making out and hands above the belt. If a girl wants to stop at 2nd, Im fine with it. But to get handsy with one anothers privates, or give me head, or let me go down on her...and then say no sex? Thats just annoying and pointless in my view. We all know sex is gonna happen anyway.

 

Ima be blunt here. Once a girl gives me some of the puzzy, she might as well give me all of it, because theres no difference in levels in my head. I already feel like I will end up getting what I want. And my experience has been this; once a girl has let me get a taste, the only times I havent slept with her, was down to me not wanting to.

 

So I feel you might as well get sexual, if youre gonna get sexual. Why tip toe around it? If youre ready for fingers and oral, youre ready for sex. Its not as holy grail as people make it to be. Youve still let the guy get to a place he wants to be.

Edited March 11, 2013 by kaylan

[dasein]

Agree with others. Consider discarding the "baseball" metaphor, as it implies an unwilling girl "letting you" do something she may not want enthusiastically. Antiquated. When making out starts, the point is to do whatever both of you want to do and whatever makes both of you feel good without any necessary preordained progression. Sometimes that may be slow and rising in steps, sometimes it may be fast and furious and straight to business. Good luck.

[Ruby Slippers]

I think a lot of men might not admit how much they'd prefer to be teased, prefer to have to "work for it" for the home run - for obvious reasons! - but I think it's true for plenty, possibly most? This is particularly true for guys who want relationships and love, and not just sex.

 

The Mars & Venus on a Date book addresses this topic pretty well. He basically advises the relationship-minded woman to set the pace and go in gradually escalating phases. He even uses the baseball analogy. I think he also advises you to communicate what you're thinking to the man, so there's no confusion. Tell him you want to move slowly, and make your limits at that particular time clear - then stick to them firmly. He says a buildup of physical/sexual is necessary to build the bond, but full-out sex is not - and it's best if that's reserved for the time when real feelings of love are beginning to unfold. Makes for much better sex, plus other good stuff like openness and trust.

[curlygirl40]

I think a lot of men might not admit how much they'd prefer to be teased, prefer to have to "work for it" for the home run - for obvious reasons! - but I think it's true for plenty, possibly most? This is particularly true for guys who want relationships and love, and not just sex.

 

The Mars & Venus on a Date book addresses this topic pretty well. He basically advises the relationship-minded woman to set the pace and go in gradually escalating phases. He even uses the baseball analogy. I think he also advises you to communicate what you're thinking to the man, so there's no confusion. Tell him you want to move slowly, and make your limits at that particular time clear - then stick to them firmly. He says a buildup of physical/sexual is necessary to build the bond, but full-out sex is not - and it's best if that's reserved for the time when real feelings of love are beginning to unfold. Makes for much better sex, plus other good stuff like openness and trust.

 

I love this. Very interesting stuff. I have that book I need to dig it back out!

 

It's all very interesting to me, the whole 'when and how and how much' debate.

 

Untouchable_fire you said something interesting and that was that the girl who says no gets you more interested in the long term.

 

I think that's the debate, one I have with a gf of mine over and over again. She thinks if you leave them wanting more, then they will grow more of an attachment to you in the process, creating those feelings of him wanting you more. Versus having sex too soon and then it's on the table (not literally, well maybe ), and maybe he'll lose interest quickly.

 

I always think if a guy is only after sex, then he could/will lose interest no matter if you have sex on the 3rd, 4th or 5th date, etc. And if he loses interest before you have sex, then he can move along, because maybe that's all he was in it for.

 

What I'm most interested in is wondering if you can change the course of a budding relationship by holding off. Teasing a little, leaving him wanting more, etc.

 

Kaylan I'm with you on the below the belt stuff. I have a guy friend who was dating someone and the first 5 times they got naked she would only do oral (with each other) but wouldn't have sex. What's the point? I think once you're there, you're intimate (even moreso I think!) and might as well go all the way. I have never gotten that either.

 

So what I'm wondering is if you're not ready for sex, but shirts come off and a lot of above the belt hot and heavy, how a guy feels once it's over since he didn't get the 'release' so to speak.

 

So I'm curious what this does both physically and emotionally to a guy.

 

Thanks for all of your responses! Keep em up, it's good stuff.

[curlygirl40]

I dont get the point in this. If you are going to do sexual stuff, you might as well have sex. I can understand a man or woman being annoyed by this tease stuff.

 

If you wanna hook up and not have sex, keep it strictly second base only. So only making out and hands above the belt. If a girl wants to stop at 2nd, Im fine with it. But to get handsy with one anothers privates, or give me head, or let me go down on her...and then say no sex? Thats just annoying and pointless in my view. We all know sex is gonna happen anyway.

 

Ima be blunt here. Once a girl gives me some of the puzzy, she might as well give me all of it, because theres no difference in levels in my head. I already feel like I will end up getting what I want. And my experience has been this; once a girl has let me get a taste, the only times I havent slept with her, was down to me not wanting to.

 

So I feel you might as well get sexual, if youre gonna get sexual. Why tip toe around it? If youre ready for fingers and oral, youre ready for sex. Its not as holy grail as people make it to be. Youve still let the guy get to a place he wants to be.

 

Great response thank you!

[MrCastle]

I don't mind some lite teasing in the beginning but some women tend to over play their hand and I lose interest.

 

Teasing has always been a smoke and mirrors thing to me. If you're confident that you're a catch, why the teasing? I feel like women who do it excessively are just compensating for something else. Like they feel they need to play these games in order to keep a man.

 

As I touched on before, teasing in moderation can work in the beginning. If we were naked and were doing everything but sex, I'd be upset. What is the point in going that far if it won't lead to anything.

[iKING]

I love this. Very interesting stuff. I have that book I need to dig it back out!

 

It's all very interesting to me, the whole 'when and how and how much' debate.

 

Untouchable_fire you said something interesting and that was that the girl who says no gets you more interested in the long term.

 

I think that's the debate, one I have with a gf of mine over and over again. She thinks if you leave them wanting more, then they will grow more of an attachment to you in the process, creating those feelings of him wanting you more. Versus having sex too soon and then it's on the table (not literally, well maybe ), and maybe he'll lose interest quickly.

 

I always think if a guy is only after sex, then he could/will lose interest no matter if you have sex on the 3rd, 4th or 5th date, etc. And if he loses interest before you have sex, then he can move along, because maybe that's all he was in it for.

 

What I'm most interested in is wondering if you can change the course of a budding relationship by holding off. Teasing a little, leaving him wanting more, etc.

 

Kaylan I'm with you on the below the belt stuff. I have a guy friend who was dating someone and the first 5 times they got naked she would only do oral (with each other) but wouldn't have sex. What's the point? I think once you're there, you're intimate (even moreso I think!) and might as well go all the way. I have never gotten that either.

 

So what I'm wondering is if you're not ready for sex, but shirts come off and a lot of above the belt hot and heavy, how a guy feels once it's over since he didn't get the 'release' so to speak.

 

So I'm curious what this does both physically and emotionally to a guy.

 

Thanks for all of your responses! Keep em up, it's good stuff.

 

Personally I love a bit of teasing (both giving and receiving), can drive each other nuts, and once the main event arrives you're already hot and bothered for it.

 

The bold part is the part I'm interested in, it required a fair amount of reminiscing. My longest relationship, we had sex the first time we hung out, in a pretty random place. Afterward she said "Wow.. I'm not the type to do that..". The times I've been absolutely nuts over a girl were times we did very little in the beginning, it built up the tension and made it all the more desirable.

 

Waiting too long however could become a problem, after awhile blue balls gets to be rather annoying (and painful), which may lead to frustration. You can probably gauge out how he's handling it whenever you guys get into it. I'd advise waiting until the time is just right, which doesn't have to be romance novel type stuff, but when the feeling is right and you can just see the love in his eyes. I'd also not advise to wait like years to finally do it all the while teasing him to pieces as that might lead to a lot of frustration. Worst case scenario, you can get him off without you guys actually having sex.

[Lonely Ronin]

So what I'm wondering is if you're not ready for sex, but shirts come off and a lot of above the belt hot and heavy, how a guy feels once it's over since he didn't get the 'release' so to speak.

 

So I'm curious what this does both physically and emotionally to a guy.

 

Thanks for all of your responses! Keep em up, it's good stuff.

 

My point of view is that if your not ready, then you need to not let stuff progress past making out, and I would rather just wait.

 

The few times that I made it past making out but stopped before full on sex, I started to see the woman in question in a negative light. My thought process was always, she either has weak willpower, or she doesn't know what she wants. I'm not interested in either of those characteristics in a woman I plan on being with long term.

[sillyanswer]

How does this make you feel?

 

Like I'm trapped in a PG-13 movie, or that I'm a teenager again.

[curlygirl40]

My point of view is that if your not ready, then you need to not let stuff progress past making out, and I would rather just wait.

 

The few times that I made it past making out but stopped before full on sex, I started to see the woman in question in a negative light. My thought process was always, she either has weak willpower, or she doesn't know what she wants. I'm not interested in either of those characteristics in a woman I plan on being with long term.

 

Wow interesting take, never heard a guy say this before.

 

To me, once a guy gets started on me 'above the belt' let's say, it drives me crazy and stopping it there takes an enormous amount of willpower. lol

 

Thanks!!

[Untouchable_Fire]

I love this. Very interesting stuff. I have that book I need to dig it back out!

It's all very interesting to me, the whole 'when and how and how much' debate.

Untouchable_fire you said something interesting and that was that the girl who says no gets you more interested in the long term.

 

I think that's the debate, one I have with a gf of mine over and over again. She thinks if you leave them wanting more, then they will grow more of an attachment to you in the process, creating those feelings of him wanting you more. Versus having sex too soon and then it's on the table (not literally, well maybe ), and maybe he'll lose interest quickly.

 

What I'm most interested in is wondering if you can change the course of a budding relationship by holding off. Teasing a little, leaving him wanting more, etc.

 

I think on average it works like this. If a guy just wants sex... saying no won't turn him around.

 

If a guy wants a relationship.... saying too quickly yes will frequently make him second guess that choice.

 

I honestly enjoy the pursuit more than the sex. I really like the feeling of being romantic with a woman. Sex doesn't exactly end that phase... but it certainly changes how it feels.

[dasein]

Misread on my part, thought you were a guy, not due to anything you posted, just my inattention. Basic gist still applies.

[Lonely Ronin]

Wow interesting take, never heard a guy say this before.

 

To me, once a guy gets started on me 'above the belt' let's say, it drives me crazy and stopping it there takes an enormous amount of willpower. lol

 

Thanks!!

 

IMO, that's when you need to say something before making out get's started. I'm personally fine with you saying, I'm not ready for anything serious.

[curlygirl40]

Well the guy I'm thinking about when asking this question invited me to his house to 'make me dinner' on date 4.

 

I told him that I thought it was too soon to be alone without any adult supervision. He laughed and now we're meeting 1/2 way for dinner Wednesday night.

 

It just got me thinking about what would happen if I went with his plan of going to his place (I won't at this point, just sayin), but yet made it clear I wasn't ready but yet we still made out and maybe a little more.

 

I'm still enjoying getting to know this guy and would like that to continue before we go any further. But, just like him probably, I am tired of the fairly public parking lot kiss goodbye.

[Lonely Ronin]

OK, I wouldn't take what you told him as 'I'm' not ready for sex. I'd take it more like you don't trust me yet.

[curlygirl40]

Well that's a fine line I guess. I tried to play it off like I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off of him either and I would have a hard time behaving also.

 

I just feel if I'm not ready, I don't want to put myself in that position.

 

We'll see. Thanks for your help!

[dasein]

this here demonstrates how far society has degraded. true gentlemen get left in the cold in favor of jerks.

 

I don't think that's what the posters are saying. Men have been told to put our sexual desire in check and never ever objectify women sexually. Truth is that women are sexual creatures too, and appreciate a man with a healthy sexual desire, want to be "objectified" sometimes, even "defiled" at the right time, as some GFs of mine have put it in the past.

 

OTOH, they can spot a guy who keeps himself in check due to insecurity and fear of rejection a mile away, even if he is fooling himself into believing it's due to being a "gentleman." Women who are attracted respond to men who want to have sex who express it in a respectful, light, flirty way, even if the time is not yet right, they appreciate it, always have.

[todreaminblue]

Softball, hardball, or t-ball?

 

 

three of my favorite games yay......can i play?

[salparadise]

I think a lot of men might not admit how much they'd prefer to be teased, prefer to have to "work for it" for the home run - for obvious reasons! - but I think it's true for plenty, possibly most? This is particularly true for guys who want relationships and love, and not just sex.

 

What I'm most interested in is wondering if you can change the course of a budding relationship by holding off. Teasing a little, leaving him wanting more, etc.

 

So what I'm wondering is if you're not ready for sex, but shirts come off and a lot of above the belt hot and heavy, how a guy feels once it's over since he didn't get the 'release' so to speak. So I'm curious what this does both physically and emotionally to a guy.

 

I think a lot of this just depends on the dynamics between the two, but generally if you're interested in a relationship it's good to hold off and build up the sexual tension and anticipation while also allowing the emotional bond a chance to develop... not to mention trust, respect, communication and so on. In the moment the guy will seldom be the one to put the brakes on but in the long run he'll appreciate it if you do, assuming long-term relationship is the goal. If he's wanting a hit and run, not so much.

 

One reason of course is that he may feel that if you'd have sex with him on the first date, you've probably done so with a lot of others and that you may be predisposed to impulsiveness and lack of control, which translates to temptation to cheat and promiscuity. These feelings sort of exist in the semi-conscious, not necessarily as overtly reasoned thoughts.

 

In my experience, willingness to or insistence on waiting is a sign of stability, a positive self-image/self-esteem, and understanding that she is not willing to share herself until it's determined that the other person is special and that the first time will be meaningful. These are all positive character indications, which really is only relevant if you're looking for more.

 

I had a previous girlfriend who was very religious, many religious symbols in the house, etc., and she initiated sex on the first date, within a few hours of meeting face to face the first time. This was surprising to me but I went along with it and we got serious pretty quick. But there was drama before too long and she ended up feeling conflicted. I now realize that the reason she started so fast was that she was highly motivated and had decided to secure the relationship before she even had time to get to know me. It lasted more than a year but was fraught with ups and downs due to her internal conflicts.

 

Since then I've started dating a really great woman (agnostic) and after more than a month we've still not gotten physical, although we're both more than ready in many ways. We've had dates at each other's places, so there has been plenty of opportunity. We cuddle up and watch movies, talk, express lots of affection and do a lot of kissing. It's really quite wonderful. Last time we talked about being ready and she asked if I wanted to stay over. I told her of course I wanted to, but she had to work the next day and I suggested that we just wait a little longer until we won't have to rush out the next morning. She's a great kisser and the kissing is really intimate and triggers all that good chemistry. It's going to happen pretty soon and think it's going to be extra special, and I think she's going to be a stable, reliable, and exciting girlfriend. This is probably the longest I've waited and think it's building a great foundation.

 

I agree that once you start playing around down south (third base) that you might as well go all the way. I can't remember ever stopping there and probably wouldn't be happy is she wanted to because I'd be physically wound pretty tight and needing the release.

Edited March 11, 2013 by salparadise