Author ComingInHot Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 Stevie, Your post hit something in me. The lines about if you are that unhappy w/me, why do you stay ? Then the low level abuse over extended period of time... I didn't see his manipulation because he had very maliciously started undermining my self worth & esteem when he decided to see if she (exOW) would engage in the A. Manipulation is twisted that way and I've come to think that many people manipulate at some point in their life but the "better" one is at manipulation the worse of an individual they are... Goodnight Stevie & LS, I'm sleepy*
stevie_23 Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Stevie, Your post hit something in me. The lines about if you are that unhappy w/me, why do you stay ? Then the low level abuse over extended period of time... I didn't see his manipulation because he had very maliciously started undermining my self worth & esteem when he decided to see if she (exOW) would engage in the A. Manipulation is twisted that way and I've come to think that many people manipulate at some point in their life but the "better" one is at manipulation the worse of an individual they are... Goodnight Stevie & LS, I'm sleepy* Sleep well, my friend! Yes, low level emotional abuse is gradual and insidious, and is all based in subtle manipulation. There is a very significant difference between behaviour someone will accept BEFORE this long term low level abuse and the behaviour they will accept AFTER it. If you met someone new, were with them for 3 months and then they told you they were miserable and it was YOUR fault. You'd be pretty much like..."Oh. Ok then. See ya!" You may well be in love with them, but you would also plainly see that this is THEIR problem. You wouldn't take it onto yourself as your responsibility. But if you'd been with this person for say, 10 years, and for the last 5 years you've been subjected to that constant low level emotional abuse and manipulation, belittling, putting down, criticising, lack of intimacy, etc...and they tell you they're unhappy and obviously they don't blatantly say "It's YOUR fault", but they imply it and you twist it around in your head to take responsibility for THEIR feelings. Because it's been that way for SO long. And you DO love them, from way back. And because of that love, anything THEY do "wrong", you rationalise as out of character (because you've already built your perceptions of him, yourself and the relationship on the GOOD him. The EARLY him. And the subsequent BAD him doesn't fit with that, so you justify it away so everything fits) OR that it must be YOUR fault. And yes, the people that manipulate consistently for their own purpose and disregard the pain and degradation of self worth of the person they're manipulating are not very nice people. They're also dysfunctional because they feel they cannot achieve what they want without manipulating. 1
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