irc333 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I had recently gone out on what I thought was a "date" with a woman, but it wasn't much of a date....because it was at an event where it was kind of rushed....we had coffee....which was 15 mins before church services started, but there was no place to sit down, and it was loud (it was at her church) and she had a female friend show up that sat with us. (they didn't plan to meet, her friend already goes that church same time and stuff...she just happened to spot her and we all started talking) And then she had to leave rather quickly after the service, because she was going paddle boarding with a female friend of hers.....she sent me a text apologizing for having been so brief, but she had to be at her friends house at 11 am. ( I was expecting to casually walk her out to her car...but since we were on opposite ends of the parking lot...she said "Oh I'm this way", hugged me quickly, and she had to leave) She sent me a text apologizing for being so brief at the end there, but she really had to go. I figured since she followed-up with such a text, I decided to text her back asking her out to an event that was a bit more "date-like"....like dinner obviously. So we'll see what happens there....I guess you could say THAT get together was a good reason enough to ask her out on a REAL date. The whole "Well, sorry we coudn't talk much, so perhaps I'll ask you out so we may spend more time together" date. 1
boywonder123 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 shes just honestly busy, good luck u still got a shot
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Date for 15 minutes in a crowd with nowhere to even sit and no privacy from others stopping by and interrupting? The date ends after fifteen minutes because she has to go paddle boarding? Won't even let you walk her to a car? To me, it seems as if she did everything in her power, in terms of social cues, to blow you off politely and convey that she has no real interest in dating you. She seems to have engineered things so that you spent almost no time on your date and no time alone. She even avoided the awkwardness of a goodbye by her car. It just doesn't look promising. No matter how busy the person, you make time for people and things that are a priority. Seriously, did it really make a difference whether she arranged to go paddling at 11am sharp or 12 noon? Personally, I wouldn't hold out hope that this will go anywhere. Good luck. 3
xxoo Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 If this is her church, she knows that the coffee hour isn't conducive to a date. A date would have been meeting at a coffee shop an hour before church started, then driving to church together (if you must do church for a first date ). Ask her out on a real date. Make it clear that you intend to take her on a date. Use the word date. No ambiguity! Let her accept or decline a date. 4
Imajerk17 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 (edited) irc, you seem like a good guy and I am rooting for you. But man, from your threads.... Why did you agree to meet 15 minutes before her church service in the first place? (Horrible date idea, no leading on your part and no chance for connecting really.) And even worse, if it was her suggestion, why did you go along with it? (If that is what she suggested then it's already clear that she wasn't interested and so you would have at least saved yourself time and dignity by saying some other time maybe.) Either way she's not interested now. Edited March 11, 2013 by Imajerk17 3
tbf Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 It sounds more like a religious recruitment, than a date. Have you ever considered speed dating? 1
sillyanswer Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 If she's interested she'll make time for a proper date. Good luck!
xxoo Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 It sounds more like a religious recruitment, than a date. I thought the same thing. In every church I've been to, members are encouraged to welcome new guests into the flock 1
iKING Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I thought the same thing. In every church I've been to, members are encouraged to welcome new guests into the flock It's a trap! Thread title instantly made me thing of this: Sunday morning, rain is falling.. Steal some covers, share some skin.. 4
salparadise Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I had recently gone out on what I thought was a "date" with a woman, but it wasn't much of a date....because it was at an event where it was kind of rushed....we had coffee....which was 15 mins before church services started, but there was no place to sit down, and it was loud (it was at her church) and she had a female friend show up that sat with us. Gosh, I was thinking this might have been my ex-gf, only they do the coffee thing after the service. I swear, mixing dating and religion is a tough way to try and have a relationship. I think this last one cured me. Sweet woman but she sure was conflicted and mercurial. Sort of the opposite of how you'd think a religious person would be. Good luck, man.
CptSaveAho Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 She leads a very busy life. I like how you were nice about saying shes not interested in "dating" him women...
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I thought the same thing. In every church I've been to, members are encouraged to welcome new guests into the flock So it turned out to be a hurried chat between three people at the coffee stop between church services. He thought he was going to have a date with her. That suggests they agreed ahead of time to meet at a predetermined time and place, and he expected one-on-one time to get to know each other without intrusion. Clearly, that is not what he got. She was the embodiment of not interested! They could have stepped away to a quieter spot, perhaps failing everything else (e.g. stepping outside to chat in a quiet corner of the church property), they could have picked one of the back pews in the church. She could have explained to her friend that they were having a private conversation (which happens all the time). Every step of the encounter involved preventing this from turning into anything personal rather than the opposite--a random casual chat amongst a few friends. I'm all for encouragement when warranted. Here, it will be an exercise in frustration and futility. He should try with someone else a little more amenable to spending time on a date with him.
Author irc333 Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 I was indicating even if she was interested in dating I can't see when she would have the time if that Sunday represented how she chooses to lead her life. I see it as a red flag. Well, she told me she had to be at the beach at around 1pm...but she said she had to meet her female friend at her place across town at 11 am (she told this to me in the text, on my way home)...and church got out at 9:30 ish.....so she was rushed. I was kind of surprised she was apologetic, figured if she was blowing me off...she'd just leave me be. That's when I had had responded, "Oh okay, how about we get together at a time in place where we can have more time to talk, perhaps dinner?" If all of a sudden she becomes non responsive..it's removal time from the Facebook. I hate that crap.
Author irc333 Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 Hm, she apologizes for being "short" or "brief" with me.....but now she avoids me altogether?
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Dating is a bit of a dance. I would just learn to read social cues. Most people aren't going to be blunt and say hurtful things to a near stranger, but their choices and behavior will make it very clear where they stand. You'll save a lot of time and wasted energy.
Author irc333 Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 Yeah, she is playing the "disappearing act" now, ever since she apologized, and brought up getting together again for a more time together.
Author irc333 Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 If you can't trust the religious then who can you believe in? Time to give Satan a ring. Yeah, thought I had me a nice "Christian girl" there for a moment I could bring home to dear ol' mom and dad. lol
Author irc333 Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 No offense, but every single time you post here about meeting a woman, she does a disappearing act on you. Everyone keeps chalking it up to you meeting "flakes," but I think that's a cop-out. You're either giving out a creepy vibe, or there's something about you that's continually turning all these women off. You may not even realize it - a nervous tic, a creepy stare you're not aware of, an abrasive personality, bad breath, bad teeth, body odor, etc. etc. You're the common denominator here. There's something that's repelling all these women. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm being dead serious. Well, I made sure to bathe, teeth, breath mint, and deodorant before going. lol....besides, she wouldn't have apologized for blowing me off after church if she thought I was creepy. Actually, I've spoken with a few men about her...and even their experience with our female casual acquaintances of our own social circle....they've all experience the same kind of "avoidance" tactics as I have. So thus it's not me. 1
Author irc333 Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 It is a common flaw among women from certain cultures. Cultures? Hm, well....this was in the good ol USA lol
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 (edited) Well, I made sure to bathe, teeth, breath mint, and deodorant before going. lol....besides, she wouldn't have apologized for blowing me off after church if she thought I was creepy. Actually, I've spoken with a few men about her...and even their experience with our female casual acquaintances of our own social circle....they've all experience the same kind of "avoidance" tactics as I have. So thus it's not me. Unfortunately, you seem to mistake basic manners for more than just that. Most men, upon being told that a date could only be 15 minutes and could only take place at a crowded event, would get the message and back off when the woman refused a more substantive date...say even one-on-one coffee at a coffee shop. There is no reason to pursue things continually to the bitter end when she finally just has to ignore you to get you to go away...finally. Almost no woman is going to say, "You're repulsive. I'll never be interested. Now stop bugging me." Please learn to read social cues. It will do you a world of good. As to your friends having the same issues? With all due respect, birds of a feather often flock together. The common denominator in your uniformly consistent pattern of experiences unfortunately is you. Flakiness means there was no interest, but you stubbornly persisted anyway. You can change your results if you accept responsibility for your outcomes, something that is sadly lacking in your posts. The first step is to stop blaming everyone else. The second step would be to take a look at how you choose women and interact with them, and why you consistently turn them off. Not the most pleasant exercise to be sure, but necessary if you want to turn things around. Edited March 12, 2013 by Cutiepie1976 2
normal person Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 I've got to agree with most of Cutiepie's post. How was this "date" arranged? Did you ask her out on the weekend and to have her reply "let's just meet before church?" If that's the case, this seems pretty calculated on her part. A date is drinks on a Friday or Saturday night. Standing around for 15 minutes drinking coffee before church isn't a date, it's a very nice way of not hurting your feelings. At least that's how I see it. Maybe she's busy, preoccupied, whatever, she might like you for all I know, I'm not aware of the circumstances. But I'd guess that until she expresses some enthusiasm or desire to be in your company, she's acting like a nice person who's indifferent about you. If I suggested a night out, and she compromised with "let's just have a coffee before church," I'd cut my losses right there without hesitation. If she wanted to go out with you badly enough, she'd clear her schedule or suggest a time that was better, y'know?
Author irc333 Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 (edited) A date is drinks on a Friday or Saturday night. Standing around for 15 minutes drinking coffee before church isn't a date, it's a very nice way of not hurting your feelings. At least that's how I see it. Maybe she's busy, preoccupied, whatever, she might like you for all I know, I'm not aware of the circumstances. But I'd guess that until she expresses some enthusiasm or desire to be in your company, she's acting like a nice person who's indifferent about you. Well, here's what predicated all this.....I saw some pics of her up at some church event, and it looked pretty fun....and I brought this to her attention in chat. She said, "Yeah, we had a great time, I should've invited you to it. So I started to think, a few days later as the weekend was approaching, that I decided to take her up on that. So I brought up the idea of meeting at her church.....she said "Sure, and let's meet about 15 mins before to for coffee." So she was definitely in agreement on that. So we did just that...but as it turned out, we just weren't able to relax and casually talk. Just "in and out". Then she followed up with an apology about all that, and I interpreted it as that as an opportunity to actually ASK her out on a date...and that this first thing was just a fluke, or perhaps a transitional period before a real date. And I also interpreted it as her saying, "I feel bad about not having to talk to you more, so perhaps we can do this again sometime?" though she didn't say the latter, I thought she was thinking it, and decided to finalize it as such. Also, the whole "birds of a feather" doesn't fly (no pun intended), I mean...if 5 guys are trying to get with her the same manner as I am....and with all FB pics with these very guys. Edited March 12, 2013 by irc333
Author irc333 Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 Almost no woman is going to say, "You're repulsive. I'll never be interested. Now stop bugging me." Actually, I had quite a few that said, though they didn't say I was repulsive, they did say, "I'm sorry, but I just don't see you in a romantic sense". And I respected them for that. I have this other female friend though, where she's had guy friends that would try to argue the point in a rather sarcastic tone with her. "What, I don't make enough money?" "What, I am not good lookin enough for ya??" Or they'd pretend she would be her date at the party, by putting his hand on the small of her back, and calling her "sweetie" when she's trying to mingle with others, esp. men.
ScreamingTrees Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Yeah, she is playing the "disappearing act" now, ever since she apologized, and brought up getting together again for a more time together. I'm surprised your OP wasn't just you going off on her, rather than being hopeful of her next response.. C'mon, man.. You complain about all of the others, but this one wasn't a total flake? Should've told her straight up, "There's obviously nothing here. See you"... She SAID "let's meet up", but, c'mon, she's going to say that when you're face to face, just until she can run away and hide.
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