Giraffe1 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Ok, so I have been single now for almost two and a half years. Long time, huh? To spice things up I created an online dating profile recently and met a man. We have been texting since January. It's nothing serious but I do enjoy the attention-when he actually does text. My question is how do I ease back into the dating scene? I don't want to get hurt and I want to meet a man who is worth my time. This is the simplified version, I can provide more information on myself if need be. Thanks for any input you have.
JohnM Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 You have already gotten to know him over text/email I presume so I suggest you arrange to meet in person in a couple of weeks or so. Take your time to get to know him, don't rush yourself and if you and when you feel comfortable then progress into it romantically. If you are cagey about feeling exposed and getting hurt again then just take it easy and sound him out, once you feel safe then it's time to take a calculated gamble. You can't keep yourself trapped in an anxiety of wanting companionship but not being willing to open yourself to the chance. It works both ways, just hold back a little bit of yourself only for you until you put your faith into another to be responsible in mutually caring for you.
Author Giraffe1 Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 Thank you for the sound advice. And yes I need to work on opening myself up and not pushing men away.
JohnM Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Don't feel bad about being a bit reserved with your feelings and openess though. Its only natural to want to protect yourself after you have been hurt; I'm sure you know though, that given time, you'll be alright and opening yourself up to trusting someone will naturally happen once you know someone well enough.
JMCOSU838 Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Ok, so I have been single now for almost two and a half years. Long time, huh? To spice things up I created an online dating profile recently and met a man. We have been texting since January. It's nothing serious but I do enjoy the attention-when he actually does text. My question is how do I ease back into the dating scene? I don't want to get hurt and I want to meet a man who is worth my time. This is the simplified version, I can provide more information on myself if need be. Thanks for any input you have. I've got to agree with Monicaelise, getting hurt is the risk you take. Dating and developing a relationship with someone naturally makes you vulnerable. The good news is that it won't kill you and every failed date or relationship is an opportunity to learn something about yourself and what you are looking for. 1
happykat Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 I totally agree with the poster above about not spending so much time/energy into a texting/emailing/online relationship. You can read too many things into the words he uses. And you build too many expectations that way. Expectations in dating (or anything I guess) is NOT good.. I know it's scary to start meeting men (especially from online).. but it's kind of like job interviews- really nerve wracking at first, but it gets easier and easier.. and you learn a lot about what you like and don't and what is appropriate and not. I say you just jump in and be prepared to make mistakes, get hurt, and learn, and most of all have FUN.. good luck! 1
Author Giraffe1 Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 I really appreciate all of the replies! It is very scary for me, I'm afraid of rejection and I really don't have the first clue about how to start all of this. But hearing it will get easier does make me feel better. Frankly, I haven't had sex in two years and the thought of having sex with someone new really terrifies me. As they say if you don't use it you lose it. That's truly how I feel that I closed up the sexual, romantic side of myself. How do you open yourself up to get intimate with someone? I'm a very complicated individual so this doesn't even scratch the surface of my romantic issues. Ughhh
JohnM Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 The don't use it you lose it is nonsense, you'll fall back into your usual behaviour when it happens. Presume you're keeping yourself self pleased in the meantime, so nothing to fear its just opening yourself up to the intimacy side again. If it had been a month since you last had sex and were on the verge of it happening next week you wouldn't worry about it, its just over thinking the length of time it has been. Don't fret on it, romantic engagement will go hand in hand with becoming attached to someone else you won't need to force it. You may have to boost your confidence though and have further belief in your mental and physical strength.
happykat Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I really appreciate all of the replies! It is very scary for me, I'm afraid of rejection and I really don't have the first clue about how to start all of this. But hearing it will get easier does make me feel better. Frankly, I haven't had sex in two years and the thought of having sex with someone new really terrifies me. As they say if you don't use it you lose it. That's truly how I feel that I closed up the sexual, romantic side of myself. How do you open yourself up to get intimate with someone? I'm a very complicated individual so this doesn't even scratch the surface of my romantic issues. Ughhh You sound so much like me! .. I'm going to guess that 2.5 yrs ago you came out of a very long and pretty miserable marriage. I felt much the same when I left my marriage-- thought the sexual side of me was dead and gone (and didn't really care much at the time anyway). It wasn't until several months later, when I started being happy with my life and my decisions that I started returning to my "old self" and with that came natural, healthy, sexual feelings as well. I'm pretty sure that will happen for you too -- just keep on doing positive things with your life and feeling good about yourself. It will happen in time. Just don't force it - don't do anything you don't feel good about doing!
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