youaremysunshine Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I met a boy online, very sheltered, inexperienced, white boy from a rich family. Homeschooled, not very many friends. he's very well read though and a writer, that's what attacted me too him. I consider myself both an both a feminist and and anarchist. I work in a women's street homeless drop-in. I've lived in anarchist communes (they took me in after my house burned down actually) Now this boy clearly stated on his profile he was an anarchist as well, it's not that I have to date a fellow anarchist but I was one of the reasons I was interested. So the other night after an action I invite him over to my old place to hang out. He immediately starts bickering with my friends about a wide range of political topics that demonstrate to me and my friends he really has no idea about his own privilege in society and how it is unequally divided through class, race and gender. As a poor racialized woman it makes me want to hurl. I don't know why he felt the need to be so argumentative with my friends who obviously weren't going to change their minds. He straight up called them misguided nihilists. Standing for something is important to me, and I can't expect him believe the things I believe but I don't want to be attacted for them by someone I want to be close too. I get that in enough in everyday life. Anyway please don't tear me down on here. Just bummed out
MrCastle Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Politics can most definitely be a deal breaker if you are passionate enough about your stances. I couldn't date a conservative or hell, even someone who identified themselves as "republican". Some people just aren't meant to be together, for various reasons. 3
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 What kind of anarchist are you and what kind of anarchist is he? I mean there's anarcho-socialism, anarcho-syndaclism, anarcho-capitalism/Voluntaryism, etc. From what I can tell an anarcho-socialist probably would not have much in common with an anarcho-capitalist. And vice versa. 1
Pyro Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I wouldn't care where my SO stood in regards to politics as long as she didn't try to preach to me or attempt to make me feel inferior for not agreeing with her. If she openly did any of that to other people then it would raise a red flag. 1
Eggplant Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 So the other night after an action I invite him over to my old place to hang out. He immediately starts bickering with my friends about a wide range of political topics that demonstrate to me and my friends he really has no idea about his own privilege in society and how it is unequally divided through class, race and gender. As a poor racialized woman it makes me want to hurl. I don't know why he felt the need to be so argumentative with my friends who obviously weren't going to change their minds. He straight up called them misguided nihilists. Standing for something is important to me, and I can't expect him believe the things I believe but I don't want to be attacted for them by someone I want to be close too. I get that in enough in everyday life. Anyway please don't tear me down on here. Just bummed out I am not sure what his beliefs are versus yours, but the point is they clash. I think people with clashing views can be in relationships as long as they respect each other's positions. So the issue is not what he said, but how he said it, and how respectful or disrespectul he was. The fact that you want to hurl is not a good sign. Now, you may want to give him the benefit of the doubt if you all backed him into a corner. But if it were me trying to make a good first impression on somebody cute, I'd be courteous. If he's rude and stubborn, that doesn't bode well for non-political issues that you will face in a relationship. 1
Green Light Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 He straight up called them misguided nihilists. Hey that's me! If I wasn't so lazy I'd be an anarchist.
outsidethebox Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I don't know the difference between anarchist and nihilist and don't care really, but doesn't matter what the views were, you don't go to a girl's place and start calling people around her misguided. Since they are your friends and you share more values than differ, he essentially will be calling you misguided as well. He doesn't share your values and friends and is rude about it. End of story. Clash of cultures, find someone who appreciates you enough to be respectful of your choices. You won't change him. Don't even try. 2
Author youaremysunshine Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 He goes on about personal responsibly so I guess he's an individualist anarchist, but I'm not sure how he reconciles this with with faith in the state and the police. I also fail to see how a man who can't do his own laundry considers himself an individualist. I'm an anarchafeminist, as my work with impoverished women started me thinking about class and such. My friends are mostly syndicalists I believe. I'm happy to live and organize with them. I'm not trying to preach to him but he said some effed up stuff that seriously offered a girl friend of mine who had a horrifying experience of being brutalized and then the police refusing to belive or help her ( his response, well you did live in the ghetto, you could have been on crack). Everyones jaw dropped! He sympathizes with the cops who would though him in jail for all the weed he smokes. I really like this guy most of the time and I am loney. I guess there is no changing people? Hes basically lived under a rock, I'm always teaching him things....
Author youaremysunshine Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 Yo fortyninethousand, good to met ya. I'm curious about your avatar. Vegan anarchism? Does the gold and purple signify anything?
outsidethebox Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 up to you. maybe you like the political intrigue.
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Yo fortyninethousand, good to met ya. I'm curious about your avatar. Vegan anarchism? Does the gold and purple signify anything? Voluntaryism. Rothbardian. The gold and black are the colors of the Gadsden Flag. I do my own laundry. Just for the record. 1
Author youaremysunshine Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 Cool, cool. I'm anti-capitalist but I'm willing to at least educate myself about anarcho capitalism before trying to critically engaging with it. The cops never gave my (white) ass trouble, so they must be good is the worst arguments I ever heard. Also this dude is crazy about me and I just took his virginity, dumping him over this is pretty be itchy right!?
Author youaremysunshine Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 Also who knew being critical of power would have such a detrimental effect on my love life! Hrrm
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Cool, cool. I'm anti-capitalist but I'm willing to at least educate myself about anarcho capitalism before trying to critically engaging with it. The cops never gave my (white) ass trouble, so they must be good is the worst arguments I ever heard. Also this dude is crazy about me and I just took his virginity, dumping him over this is pretty be itchy right!? Well, to be honest I've never met someone who described themselves as a libertarian or anarchist who liked cops. Pretty much all of them want less/no police. So that's kind of weird that he would say that. Sounds like you guys might just be incompatible. How old are both of you?
Author youaremysunshine Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 Neither have I! I feel sort of cheated that he portrayed his beliefs one way and seems to actually believe another. It's not like I exclusively date anarchists haha I'm 23 he's 21 but in many ways he's very immature and sheltered. I'm glad people on here don't think I'm crazy for making a big deal out of this.
PogoStick Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I dated a Peruvian feminist for over a year. I'm not sure why she liked an evil whiteman like myself. She would complain how Europeans conquered the Americas from "native" people. Ironic, since cultures like the Incas (Peruvian ancestors), Mayans, and Aztecs warred and built their own empires by subjugating the smaller tribes. Even more ironic because no humans are native to the Americas. At this point, it's silly to think 200 million white people are going to move to Europe and "go home". Even though I agree "white privilege" exists (in the US), the way minority feminists throw the word around is so unappealing that it actually hurts their cause. I never hear any sort of solution, just endless guilt tripping for the acts of people who have been dead for centuries. When they have the time and energy to protest Halloween costumes then it's time to put the issue to rest. Oh and it sounds like the two of you aren't compatible. Take it from someone with experience.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I met a boy online, very sheltered, inexperienced, white boy from a rich family. Homeschooled, not very many friends. he's very well read though and a writer, that's what attacted me too him. I consider myself both an both a feminist and and anarchist. I work in a women's street homeless drop-in. I've lived in anarchist communes (they took me in after my house burned down actually) Now this boy clearly stated on his profile he was an anarchist as well, it's not that I have to date a fellow anarchist but I was one of the reasons I was interested. So the other night after an action I invite him over to my old place to hang out. He immediately starts bickering with my friends about a wide range of political topics that demonstrate to me and my friends he really has no idea about his own privilege in society and how it is unequally divided through class, race and gender. As a poor racialized woman it makes me want to hurl. I don't know why he felt the need to be so argumentative with my friends who obviously weren't going to change their minds. He straight up called them misguided nihilists. Standing for something is important to me, and I can't expect him believe the things I believe but I don't want to be attacted for them by someone I want to be close too. I get that in enough in everyday life. Anyway please don't tear me down on here. Just bummed out Talking about politics on a first date is generally a bad idea. 1
Author youaremysunshine Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 We've been dating 3 months, thus i feel bad about ending it over this. We don't talk too much about politics in an abstract sense but I often comment on what I see going on around me. To be honest, I didn't even gratuate high school and I'm not very academic. I get my politics from what I see going on around me, the prison system, deportation and racism affects my family, it's not just politics to me. I dunno maybe he was just nervous and drunk. 1
Dragonfruit Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 (edited) Well I'm old so I am mostly just annoyed by kids who seem overly impressed with their BELIEFS! when my earrings have more life experience than they do. It seems to me a time of life for more humility and accepting the status of student more than teacher. He would get on my nerves a bit, lol. Maybe just tell the boy he talks too much and give him ten or twenty years hahaha. Sorry, I'm probably not helpful. But who knows, it is perhaps a larger perspective, or maybe not... One thing, though, respect goes both ways. If you feel that his experience isn't worthy because he's white middle class (I believe I heard "white ass" mentioned, lol?) then in a way you are being just as condescending to him, even if you do have the maturity not to say it outright to his face and those of his friends. Just a thought there. And then speaking of maturity, even though there's only a two year age difference between you, it does sound like there is a more significant gap there in maturity or life experience or whatever you'd call it. You may just not be enough on the same level to carry you through for too long. Incidentally, from hanging around on forums, I have come to believe that there is something about that three month mark that seems to be where a large percentage of new relationships end. Hmmm... Best wishes. Edited March 11, 2013 by Dragonfruit 1
irc333 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Politics can most definitely be a deal breaker if you are passionate enough about your stances. I couldn't date a conservative or hell, even someone who identified themselves as "republican". Some people just aren't meant to be together, for various reasons. I know of some people that won't date those who voted for certain presidents.
soccerrprp Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I know of some people that won't date those who voted for certain presidents. Yeah, you find people like that. I stay away from the ladies who have very strong political views. They are typically insensitive and blindly biased and uncompromising. Many of them will like you to believe that they are GOOD, BIG-HEARTED people, but read into their politics and you'll see that they are not. Not really. There's a reason that you shouldn't talk about politics on a date. It is a source of great contention.
Green Light Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Just enjoy your youth. As you age you will find that you are pretty much owned by corporations and the government anyway. You can try to fight it but they have the greatest tool of leverage on their side: money.
ChessPieceFace Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 You both have extreme beliefs and they clash. Thanks for reminding me why I need to focus on girls grounded in Christian morality and ethics though, even though I'm not a believer.
Author youaremysunshine Posted December 15, 2013 Author Posted December 15, 2013 Sorry for rehashing this but I wanted to update. He totally changed his mind and left town to hop trains, eat out of garbage cans and sleep in parks. He's crossed America coast to coast twice in the 3 months since he left me. He still calls me up occasionally to call me a wage slave and a capitalist (I work in a homeless shelter) He hates to cops now, even though he was all for them initially. He still wants to argue with me about politics, he's an individualist "egoist" which basically means he thinks he can do whatever he wants even at the expense of others because he is the only one that matters, and that his freedom is more important than any one else's. He still hates the poor and homeless dispite being homeless electively. He thinks they get that way because they are stupid and weak. Yup, he's an *******. I still kinda miss him and like it when he calls. He begged me to come with him and cried and cried when I wouldn't
Author youaremysunshine Posted December 15, 2013 Author Posted December 15, 2013 Well they are my friends, he could just talk to them about usual stuff instead of challenging them on every facet of there political beliefs before even learning their names. He's crazy, he can't let anything lie and refuses to "agree to disagree". He's now living in a forest in Oregon to prove a point and calling me weekly to argue the finer points of Nietzsche and Stirner. It has been months.
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