sayit Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I posted this on Marriage and Co-habitation... but unfortunately may be better suited here.... Just to say neither myself of SO bothered about marriage, our relationship (was) solid marriage was never a issue. Any advice would be dearly welcomed... 11 year relationship been together since 19 yrs...lived together 9yrs grew together..always knew SO not happy with job/career etc..SO has been in placement abroad for 6 months out of 7 months, both desperately sad when first separated...plans to meet alternative weekends etc. but money and time not permit but still maintained daily telephone contact and face to face on average every 3.5 weeks for extended period of time. SO said he put barriers up to stop the hurt of not being with me...barrier became his shell -ie cold/distant not helpful at all for relationship. SO now questioning whether his plans for career directly clash with our relationship to extend that we cannot go on. Both of us agree we love each other and want to be with each other, I feel like I am saying I will do all I can to ensure his career etc takes off with our relationship in tact..he keeps repeating there is a clash but loves me etc. His career prospect is not obvious just wants to stay abroad for a little longer to improve his languages more...just get "a job" whilst there. He is a language graduate. (same age as me). He is willing it seems to sacrifice our relationship for 1 yr abroad..although I said I am willing to live with him for 6 months /1 yr he says it wont work. He's not even having that great a time out there...just getting thro it. He keeps changing his mind as to what he is going to do, alleges all plans include me ..then changes plan. I feel like he is not being honest with himself or me....my trust in our relationship is ebbing. I ask him if he is waiting for me to finish it he says he is not...wld be very painful if we broke up and he wants to be with me just working how to do it all...! The balance in our relationship was always balanced now feels like it is squarely with him ..he admits that to. Have tried to pull the balance previously when were face to face I say to him it's over unless he commits to us and he tells me he cannot live without me when he see's me he knows he cannot go on without me... Im at a loss.....how long do I wait..his placement ends in 7 week altogether but scared when he gets home nothing will improve and it will end horribly after such a great relationship. Everytime we talk on the phone it goes around and around... Any words of advice really appreciated..im watching my life as I know it break apart hitting 30 and abt to be single for the first time since 19!
Grumpybutfun Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 sayit- The first thing you should do is ask yourself what you want. If it doesn't coincide with what he wants, you should ask him directly for what you want if you want to sustain a healthy relationship. No job is worth losing the person you want to spend the rest of your life with...no job. Being compatible is really up to both parties. If he doesn't participate, you have to determine what you are willing to put up with in your life to keep him in it for whatever limited times he is with you. Today is a better time to love and respect yourself and to get what you need from life than to wait until tomorrow when you are forced to make a drastic decision because you didn't communicate. Grumps
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