BarbecueMan666 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Hey guys. One thing I'd like to say is - not looking at what your ex is doing is vital to feeling better. I did the silly thing today where after quite a while I don't look at any social media of hers, or her friends. She posts youtube videos semi frequently and has done ever since she moved to LA - She was famous 6 years ago, but fell off due to abandoning it and went back to school, only to find that she missed it, and wants it back. Anyhow - before any comments wham in and tell me I shouldn't look - Don't worry, I don't plan on it. - But her new image is one that really saddens me. Before we were together, I heard she dated a lot of guys, and in turn she told me the number of guys she had slept with, and it was quite a lot. It wasn't enough to deter me, as she was almost 4 years older than I, and it didn't ring any alarm bells at the time, I just kind of felt sorry for her I suppose. (I'm a sucker for a damsel in distress) - That along with her reasoning for doing it being she didn't feel loved growing up, had father issues and other things I suppose. I'm going to get to my problem shortly - but since breaking up, she chopped off a huge portion of her hair so it's slightly below shoulder length, her youtube videos since breaking up have consisted of: Breaking up and being very happy about it. Talking about wanting a guy for his "Huge, throbbing, pulsating .... Heart" etc. I wouldn't even call it an inuendo it was that obvious. But the idea that she's selling this "sex image" haunts me quite a lot. From being a woman who directed her attention at young women, I.e wanted to be a role model for them - to this woman who I guess is soon to turn 27, feels the need to do that to get attention. While it's obviously none of my business what so ever, which isn't the problem - I'm just finding it personally very hard to deal with. I think I was a nice guy to her, and with me she turned her life into something far better, got into grad school, got more popular, started youtubing again, to then breakup a few months into her move after being together for a year and a half. Obviously I'd love everyone to be able to see it through my eyes, without my love lenses on, but it really hurts. The days where I don't look I'm blindingly curious, and I guess depressed. The days I do look I'm just pained by what I see, and in turn depressed. - I know which path I'd rather take, as in not look at all. I guess I'm just down on myself. I have a decent job, and I'm well liked. In fact if I just take twitter figures into account, she's been losing followers, down from 6k, I've been gaining almost at 30k now. I don't know why I feel so hopeless, as if life has no direction. A girl recently took a large liking to me, and knows I'm hung up on this girl still, but wants to help me through it. I like her too, and it's early stages, talking to her briefly made me forget about the ex, or atleast look at her in a way positive light. (She knew her, and told me pretty much what she thought of her, which wasn't horrid - it was just accurate I suppose.) - I just feel like an absolute idiot, and quite a waste of space despite things going well. Just would like some words of encouragement from you guys I guess. I'm struggling, and while I know none of you know my ex. Dealing with this mini-semi-famous-internet-celebrity trying to get very very famous I'm finding hard to deal with. My Mother contacted me one day appalled by the videos she released, I feel so disrespected and used and blergh. I know I'm a decent human being with a lot to give, I'm just massively forgetting it right now. I never did anything wrong to her or for her, only gave gave gave. Why was I so easy to throw away?
adelia Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Hey there I was wondering how things were going with that girl you met. I think it's great you met a new friend you can confide in and get support from. Just don't expect her to be like your ex. I'm just curious but in the long run would you have wanted to be with someone famous or celebrity status? From what I've read it comes with a lot of obstacles. Just something to ponder. Judging from everything you've posted I really feel you are making the right decision moving on. This girls so wrapped up in herself and you deserve someone who can give you the love and attention you want in a relationship. It's a process and a learning one but if you know there's potential to get hurt from looking on her fb don't. It will ruin your day and just make it about her again. This is about you moving in your direction onto better things. Good luck
Author BarbecueMan666 Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 Hey there I was wondering how things were going with that girl you met. I think it's great you met a new friend you can confide in and get support from. Just don't expect her to be like your ex. I'm just curious but in the long run would you have wanted to be with someone famous or celebrity status? From what I've read it comes with a lot of obstacles. Just something to ponder. Judging from everything you've posted I really feel you are making the right decision moving on. This girls so wrapped up in herself and you deserve someone who can give you the love and attention you want in a relationship. It's a process and a learning one but if you know there's potential to get hurt from looking on her fb don't. It will ruin your day and just make it about her again. This is about you moving in your direction onto better things. Good luck Hey, the girl I met is my Team captains younger sister, He 27, me 23, her 24, so an adult. I don't expect her to be like my ex at all, and I don't expect the experience to be like my ex - I made the mistake of hooking up with a girl a few weeks after my breakup, and I did exactly that ... It was awful. As for dating someone of celebrity status, she isn't there yet, or anywhere close I think. Hence the new image, completely new outlook and yeah. I think I was a good stepping stone, but ultimately she wants someone very rich and powerful I suppose to help raise her to heights she couldn't reach otherwise. And because she's an attractive flirtatious girl, I don't think it's out of the realm of unlikelihood. I kind of liked the idea of being a mini internet celebrity couple. I guess it annoyed her that she kind of became "xxxxxxx's Girlfriend" - but she certainly got more popular because of it. I actually looked forward to us growing together, and her success is something that I wanted so badly, that I think I've grown addicted to wanting it? - Even though it's through causes that now hurt me, and are not even linked to me anymore. The new girl is really nice to me, very caring - wants me physically and emotionally, and I her too. I'm just very hung up on my ex, and I've let the new lady know everything, absolutely everything and she's very understanding, and wants to help me through it. I couldn't have asked for a better situation actually, I'm just - still feeling very not over the ex. Not sure if this is a situation which will help push me forward, or hinder my progress (If any).
iouaname Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 It's true. I have managed to keep no contact in that I don't respond to him or reach out to him at all, but the temptation to check up on certain social media sites or websites is always there, and I know that whenever I do that, I feel a lot worse. It's something that I've definitely had to learn a lot of self-control over - but you're right, it is definitely vital to feeling better and to breaking your addiction to the person. 1
Author BarbecueMan666 Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 With "getting over someone" is it the idea that, it just gradually fades away, your love and want for them - or does it pile up so much, then just drop off a cliff. This is the first time I've ever had my heart broken. I'm 23, been in a few relationships and only ever got attached once, but the relationship was far less deep. So this feeling is new to me, and so far the hardest thing I've ever gone through, it's been over 2 months since the breakup, and I'm not doing worse within regards to the life around me, friends/family/work - everythings going much better, BUT I feel more depressed than I have done in a long time. Such a weird weird feeling.
cavalier99 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 STOP LOOKING AT HER STUFF! And tell you mom not to give you updates. 100 percent NC. That is what you need to do. And stop thinking about her. She is the past. You only have now. Cav 2
adelia Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 With "getting over someone" is it the idea that, it just gradually fades away, your love and want for them - or does it pile up so much, then just drop off a cliff. This is the first time I've ever had my heart broken. I'm 23, been in a few relationships and only ever got attached once, but the relationship was far less deep. So this feeling is new to me, and so far the hardest thing I've ever gone through, it's been over 2 months since the breakup, and I'm not doing worse within regards to the life around me, friends/family/work - everythings going much better, BUT I feel more depressed than I have done in a long time. Such a weird weird feeling. I can't speak for you because everyones different but for me it was over a span of a few years we were together and the accumulation of things. I just gradually grew out of love with him but there was a time I was like you in that I was infatuated. Always checking if he emailed and different sites we frequented together, waiting for that text. It got to be so consuming and a viscous spiral centered around him to the point I lost myself. I realized one day wait a minute... This is MY life NOT his! Why am I doing this and as someone mentioned it's in the past. I did compare a lot of ppl to him but eventually met someone I was even crazier about which I didn't think was possible. Now he's the one whose sent emails etc and I've had to friendzone him entirely. You will get there I promise but you must not follow her. This is hurting you and putting the focus on her again. It's about you now and YOUR life! How well you do! And your happiness 2
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