pbjbear Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 I see a hot woman/okay looking guy combo all the time where I live. I have seen 2 reverse scenarios. I imagine its less common in rural areas though.
Author Desensitized Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 Just work with her on the project - or was that just fake? Some girls just need time to warm up, or dump their BF. Be cocky/funny. If she's not interested now, there might be some night in 3 months that she is lonely and calls you. There is nothing wrong with keeping hot women as friends - worse case scenario they act as wingwomen for you. not fake. and yeah, but I want to be successful with this woman.
PhoenixRysing Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 (edited) not fake. and yeah, but I want to be successful with this woman. I can't speak for her but I can tell you my perspective as a theoretically hot woman on the other side of this coin. I am bombarded with comments from acquaintances like "you could have any man you want" and "your are stunning". I get told all the time I am intimidating and must have "men coming out of my ears" - not true...at all. Perhaps they all think I am in "high demand" and none of them feels worthy? Who the hell knows. Meanwhile, I have been working with a guy from work on a "research" project and I am nuts about him. I have made all manner of excuses to spend time with him regarding this effort and in reward for my efforts it appears that I have landed myself firmly in the friend zone. Perhaps he thought he never had a chance what "with all the guys that are pursuing me". Perhaps he was never interested. All I know is that he had what I believe was a date to get to after the last meet up for the group involved and never made it to the meet. My guess, he is enjoying a real social life while I was so busy engineering work functions that he never even saw me in that light. Observations from my male friends - he would be an idiot not to be interested...meanwhile all signs point to the ship having sailed. So ask yourself - are you ok with being successful on the research project and not on the dating front? If not, be careful about the signs you send. In my case, I am convinced he isn't interested and I am moving on. He may well be, but since all we have is work meet and greets...I have become convinced that he isn't. All this to say - if you want to get to know someone personally - do not muddy the waters like I did and make your real intentions known before your ship sails as well. Even if she is in high demand from your perspective, the exact opposite may be true. Edited March 31, 2013 by PhoenixRysing
JuneJulySeptember Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Beautiful people have as much challenge finding love and connection as average people--maybe more, since they need to wade through all the people who only value their looks. Have you developed chemistry with her in your interactions thus far? If she initiated contact and a coffee date, sounds like maybe yes? So not true. It's like being a taller basketball player. The taller you are, the more likely you are to make the basketball team. Yes, if you are tall and you really suck you won't make it. If you are short and are really good, you can. But height is a huge advantage. Same as looks in dating.
Sanman Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Wow, it really does seem like everyone is over thinking this. You have a research project you are working on together. Get to know her, have fun with work, and after you are done working ask her if she wants to come along to grab a bite/coffee/etc. if she keeps accepting your invitation you are in and if she continually declines you are not. 3
soccerrprp Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Wow, it really does seem like everyone is over thinking this. You have a research project you are working on together. Get to know her, have fun with work, and after you are done working ask her if she wants to come along to grab a bite/coffee/etc. if she keeps accepting your invitation you are in and if she continually declines you are not. You're no fun!
Sanman Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 You're no fun! Yeah, I get that all the time when I am being responsible or at work. Ironically, I am a ton of when when drinking!
jcrew11 Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 not fake. and yeah, but I want to be successful with this woman. But you have to decide - do you want her to work on the project? Or are you being creepy. Work on the project, and get to know her better as friends. After a few weeks, if you two are connecting, then see if she wants to take it to the next level. you want to 'marry' her without even knowing her.
Author Desensitized Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 But you have to decide - do you want her to work on the project? Or are you being creepy. Work on the project, and get to know her better as friends. After a few weeks, if you two are connecting, then see if she wants to take it to the next level. you want to 'marry' her without even knowing her. I dont want to marry her without even knowing her. I was partly joking when I said that I wanted to be successful with her. I know that ultimately, it's going to come down to her personality, and if I like her or not.
FitChick Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 I said that I wanted to be successful with her. I know that ultimately, it's going to come down to her personality, and if I like her or not. Aren't you forgetting the other half of the equation? She has to be interested in you as more than just a friend and coworker. Just because she wants to have coffee means nothing. Coworkers have coffee together all the time. It's a way to get away from their desks. Maybe she thinks you are harmless and won't harass her like other men do and will concentrate on the work. 1
MoreThanThat Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I think most of the advice given from guys here is dead wrong. I get a lot of attention online/off. Most of it is purely superficial in nature and I don't open doors there. For a guy to get my attention, he has to make an effort to know me and respond to me on other attributes. A guy who calls me beautiful and nothing else won't get his foot in the door. Someone who says they respected my opinion on a book I mentioned reading or asked my opinion and showed they care - that guy will get my attention. Unless you're looking for something super casual with her, I'd suggest making an effort to connect with her as a PERSON rather than how she looks. And yeah, once you are on a date, tell her she's beautiful then but make her feel valued and that you're interested in HER. Good luck! 4
chex Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 (edited) A girl I know is like this, but it's not really what it looks like at face value. But she's an art girl(she writes books, actually) so it might be a different demographic of guys too. The thing is that she actually just likes hanging out with guys. She doesn't enjoy the drama having lots of girlfriends brings, so she has 2 really good girlfriends and the rest of the people she chills with are guys because (in her words) "Guys are hella fun. Plus you can pick on them and bite them, so that's a plus." Perhaps she just likes male company? Science is also relatively male dominated so there's that fact, a lot of the people she's worked with are guys. Edited April 1, 2013 by chex
SJC2008 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 The vast majority of men that ask me out are solely interested in my looks and give my personality an afterthought. If you want something real, it is harder to be more attractive as a female because most of the men that hit on you just want to **** you. For women, more options doesnt equal better. For men it does because they usually just want to screw a bunch of girls. You act like it's a crime to want to be attracted to someone and that most men would be happy with a deaf mute Pamela Anderson. Yes looks matter but they are negotiable if that makes sense. Personality matters just as much if not more but they both have to be there. I promise there are men iut there who meet your moral standards and relationship views but they just don't do it for you on the physical front! Hell I might be one of them. So what does that make you? Human! My biggest "complaint" about women is that a lot of them aren't funny. I don't want to start a gender war but IMO it's true that for the most part men are funnier than women. Most of my guy friends are funny as hell and when we hang out we laugh our asses off. The ones who are coupled up are so with women who couldn't tell a joke if they had a script in front of them. Most women are too serious for me and I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever connect with one.
camillalev Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 (edited) OP, she's obviously excited about the project you're working on. my advice would be to concentrate on that and in the process, get to know her before you make any type of move. If there is a natural attraction, it will come out. If she's already considers you attractive your intellect/creativity/whatever will boost that, the fact that you didn't get creepy with her during the project will be a major plus, esp. to a woman who is considered very attractive. Intelligent, insightful, creative women who are also attractive, probably have found themselves in a situation like this one. A guy has asks them to participate in a project, soon after it becomes apparent that the 'project' is just an excuse to get something else going, obviously if the 'project' isn't sincere it gets dropped or finished half heartedly. Then it becomes apparent is that those guys had no interest in their creativity/intellect/opinion/any other quality-they were just pretending to. Women don't like to be treated this way, it shows you don't respect their time and have no problem wasting it. OP, are you actually interested in doing this project, if the results with the woman aren't what you desire? If that is the case, this is my advice-get to know her. If there is a seed of mutual attraction between you two, it will grow because you will be mentally or creativity stimulating one another. In that case 'friend-zoning' won't be an issue, because she's participating in something she's passionate about-with you. If there is a mutual attraction, sometimes in those cases holding off can make the final hook-up even hotter or more intense. If you make a move sooner and she's not feeling you, you'll come across as a creep, and obviously she'll question your motive for the project. Read some of the threads in the Sexual forum about what turns a woman on. Many of the female responses won't just say, I was turned on by this random guy because of his huge di/ck(though it doesn't hurt.. No pun intended.), most of the them will specify being extremely turned on because they found the guy attractive - on many levels. Remember that. Edited April 1, 2013 by camillalev
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