New_Life93 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 My ex broke up with me 5 days ago after 9 months together. He was the first guy that has treated me right, and the first 7 months was pure bliss. We both loved each other so much, as well as being really good friends because we have had similar experiences and personalities. He has been through a lot with drug addiction, but is now 2 years clean and works at the rehab he went to. Around July last year there was a court case as when he was on drugs he imported a drug called 'meow' into the country. I supported him through all that, and it made us stronger. He is from a good family, and through his experiences helps others suffering. I loved this about him, I suffer from anxiety and depression and he'd often help me through it when I had bad bouts. He always tells me I'm an amazing person and I him. A few months ago, because of my bad past with poisonous relationships, I became increasingly paranoid that he was going to cheat on me, and that it was all too good to be true. I questioned him about it, he denied it but I broke down crying. I know he didn't and would never cheat. He was extremely bewildered when I was crying, comforting me, and I know my doubt was hurting him. No matter how much he denied it, my stupid mind (which has a tendency to play tricks on me) kept telling me that he was cheating. He suggested I see a counsellor, and as I hadn't seen one in a while, started too. Then one night, some really attractive girl added him on facebook, and I got really upset (I was drunk at the time). I accused him again and he said we should go on a weeks break. During this time he contacted me, saying I should attend a group named co-dependents anonymous (for people that rely too much on others) and he would come with me and support me. He also offered to attend my counselling sessions with me. We got back together, but I was still so anxious and paranoid all the time. I couldn't help it. This led to more fights, I binge-drank one night with a group of people in a park and nearly got myself in a bad situation, he was furious at the people and since he is on good behaviour terms at the moment with the court, he said I'm a loaded gun and he can't afford to make mistakes. I started going to AA for my drinking, and he was really happy that I was trying to fix my issues. One night, at a uni party, I slipped up, I drank, nothing bad happened but when I told him he was furious and said we were over. He's the kind of guy that, once he makes up his mind, that's that, but about 15 minutes later he came over to me, hugged me tightly and said he loved me and didn't want to lose me. I kept attending AA meetings and counselling sessions, but one night the stress of everything (mainly losing the relationship) added up and I overdosed on my anti-depressants. I was in emergency for a few hours, I had no intention of telling him but the next day when he called me, I broke down and told him. He was very quiet, asked why I had done that, and then he said in a hurt voice, I'll call you back later. A few hours later he came over, I was out at first so he spoke to my mother, telling her "I really love your daughter. She is an amazing girl. But I'v spoken to my sponsor, the counsellor from where I work and my psychiatrist and they all say that at the moment i'm getting in the way of her recovery, and i'm a distraction. When I got home he said the same to me, and we hugged for ages and I cried. He told me to keep seeking the help I was getting and that I would have a whole new life, like he had. He told the same to my father as he was saying goodbye and he choked up. He texted and called me that night to make sure I was ok, and told me he'd speak to me soon. I asked him if he thought there was a chance for us in the future and he said "I'm not going to go into this. That's not what's important right now. You getting well is important" a few days later I told him I missed him and he said I was going to be ok. I have been going to meetings etc and already feel a bit better about myself, and have my own sponsor. When I told him all this he choked up again and told me he was so happy for me. I said I love you but he was silent. He tells me to keep doing what I am doing, and that whatever will happen will happen. I miss him so much. I want to contact him, I'm not sure if messaging him telling him I still want him as well as all of the other support i'm getting is a good idea, or if I should just leave it. And why is he being so cryptic, not saying if there's a chance for us? I just want him back so bad, I'm really depressed, don't know what to do
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