Zain Mastron Posted September 7, 2004 Posted September 7, 2004 I've just recently had a mutual break up with the girl of my dreams. We went out for 8 months, but it was filled with so many good memories that it feels like 5 years. Basically, the problem is quite simple. We both love each other so much, but she is Catholic, and I am not. When I told her that I cannot believe what she believes, she said we couldn't be together. A few days later, she says she is going to have to think about it, because she agrees that it shouldn't matter, but she doesn't know if she can get over it or not. She has had this dream picture of life and it included a catholic boy for her to marry. She admits that apart from the god issue, we are perfect for each other. She just doesn't want to go through a long term relationship and then realise at the end of it she can't be with someone who doesn't believe in god. I agree with everything she said, and she agrees with me also that it shouldn't really matter, but at the end of the day it is just hard for her, which I understand. She is currently thinking about us getting back together. I don't want anyone else, I'm not in the mood to go out and get drunk or get randomly onto some skank at the bar (as if I got that before, but hey, you never know). I don't really want this post to turn into a vs. religion debate, but does anybody have any advice to help me through this?
Vie Posted September 7, 2004 Posted September 7, 2004 Hi Zain, Religion issue has always been a sensitive topic. It must be really tough for you. May I ask why you refuse to have the same faith as she does? I've seen some people having the same problem as you. At first, they didn't realize it but in the end, it really is a a trouble. One of my cousins broke up with her old bf because of that (they had been dating for years!).. he asked if she was willing to convert to Catholic. My cousin is a Protestant and she was baptised, etc. I'm not really sure about the whole Protestant - Catholic thing. Now onto my own love-life. I'm a baptist christian and my bf isn't. You can say that he's an Atheist (though his family background is also baptist).. we've been together for almost 15 months now and things are going really well. We respect each other and we never force our beliefs to one another. It's like.. he's cool with me going to church and everything (my mom is a real religious person).. he supports me about it.. he said that if that makes me feel peace and everything then I should go for it.. however, I shouldn't force him to join me, which is understandable.. the thing is, I'm not a very religious person. Although I go to church every Sunday but I'm not a fanatic. So, I accept differences. It's a matter of being tolerant. As for the long term condition.. we have discussed about it and we believe we can overcome whatever the problem is because our love is just too strong. It is obvious that you both love each other very much.. I hope you can sort things out. I've always had this belief.. hope it is not offending, but I believe that it's better to be an atheist but live a good life, rather than be a religious person but in the end turn out to be hypocrit (I met a lot of people in this criteria, sadly). Good luck!
chicasha Posted September 7, 2004 Posted September 7, 2004 Well. Here's the thing...i was in the exact same situation as you 4 years ago. My relationship did not work out. However, it also has to do with the person. There's no easy answer. My ex...was very religious...(I am too, but I'm more open to the possibilility of being with a person of another religion, because I'm very comfortable with my beliefs, and do think that peope CAN work things out if they really put their minds and hearts into it). My ex....unfortunately did not see things that way. He said if we ever did get married, he'd want me to convert to his religion....but he would not consider converting to mine (not that i would've asked him to....i fell in love with him the way he was....why would I want to change that..? Yet...he wanted to change me...). This is why 'we' never worked out. He was being selfish...and i couldn't give up my identity......b/c afterall, if I did that, I'd be a completely different individual than who he fell in love with.....! He was also a bit controlling, and I know his family would've made my life hellish if I hadn't converted for him. So.....we ended it. Sad...but true. I have no regrets though....b/c I am still friends with him (he is now married to a girl of the same faith, and they are going to have a baby soon)...and as I see his life with her...I know for sure I would not have 'fit in'. That realization confirmed the right choice to split up for good all those years ago. I hope this kind of helps you. You do need to sit down and talk to your girl about her religion. It is an important thing to some people.....it is their identity. For others...it might define who they are, but it will have no effect on who they date/marry. Everyone is different...and you do need to find out the exact role that religion plays your girl's life. If she thinks about it for a while....and decides that she can continue being close to her religion AND have you in her life...then I hope it works out!! BUT...if she decides she cannot do both.....then just let her go. I know its SO hard...but I think you'll realize later that you made the best choice. If you have your own religion which is important to you....maybe turn to it for answers as to why this is happening to you. I spent a lot of time reflecting and wondering why I had to be so deeply involved with someone who couldn't be with my forever b/c of religious differentces.....I was so angry and wondered why we had to get together in the first place if we weren't meant to be. BUT.....i can assure you.....eventually I did realize why. Good luck..!!
Scangie Posted September 7, 2004 Posted September 7, 2004 I just want to jump in & agree with what chicasha said -- for many people, their religion is central to their identity, and it affects MANY aspects of a couple's life together (probably most importantly, raising children -- whenever that time of your life arrives!!!). I think it is easy to say that if you love each other, it shouldn't matter, but that is oversimplifying a very complicated issue. What you believe (whether it is organized religion or not) is a huge part of who you are, and neither of you should have to change who you are -- the downside is that you might have to accept that a long-term relationship is not possible because of these beliefs. I'm not trying to be a downer! This has happened to me before, too. I have learned that it is easy in the early days of getting to know each other & feeling the attraction between you to think, "It doesn't matter THAT much if we are of different faiths!" But, if one or both of you are strongly committed to that faith, then eventually, it WILL matter. When that time comes, hard decisions have to be made. I wish you the best!!!
Author Zain Mastron Posted September 8, 2004 Author Posted September 8, 2004 Hey guys, Just thought I'd thank you for your views. I'm surprised that a lot of people are or have been through the same thing. Didn't think it was that common. It's going alright at the moment, we shall have to see. But like you say, at the end of the day, if she can't be with me, I will have to let her go, as hard as it will be. Thanks for the support. I'll update when I have new news,
Recommended Posts