with all do respect and thank you LS community

[djfurcoat]

HI guys & girls,

Just wanted first say thank you to everyone that is a registered member here and either has posted a topic or helped someone during some of their darkest hours and days. I apologize in advance this may get a lil lengthy and thank you to anyone that offers help.

 

A little back history bout my self, Im 28 and the girl I dearly love is 28 with two kids (8-5) previously married for 8-9 years with same guy 10 years. Has had one bf before ex hubby and has had one bf since divorce with hubby. He was in the military and cheated on her and her children while overseas, she found out after snooping and knowing something wasnt right. Divorced and back home. Fast forward too now she is single and we met on an online dating site, and hit it off really fast one of those love at first sight things, ok maybe second date but we have both admitted to each other many times how grateful we are and thankful we are to have met and love each other dearly. Kids are great they love me and I love them 100% having a family is something i dream of and can only hope for, but Im scared time is running out at 28 almost 29.

 

We had been dating for about 3 months when I one weekend our first weekend in the entire 3 months we havent spent together! she was avoiding me, Friday and saturday nights she was out with girlfriends (yes ill admit i was nervous!!! I have been cheated on 3 times now maybe 4??)) but I was ok with it, then comes Sunday and she's like I can't see you Im sick. Whats any good gf/bf too do? I wanted see her, comfort her, cook for her help with the kids, etc etc. be there intheir time of need. I go over house and find a guy a supposed co worker inher house she did not let me btw! I was pissed with my past! but ulitmatley forgave her and trusted that in fact it was a coworker that was going through a hard time as he had just been dumped by his gf, i dont know but she cried and apologized alot for putting me in that situation. I forgave and gave her the benefit of doubt. Anyways I forgave but I didnt forget, I had trust issues as does she obivoulsy! with her ex husband and we both admitted that to each other.

 

Anyways about 6 weeks ago we kept getting into little arguements, such as her taking phone to bathroom, putting phone on silence putting password on phone, etc etc all things my previous ex's have done and found out be cheating on me. I kept questioning her and never found anything so I can't point any fingers. I trustes as she kept seeing me nightly (we spent night maybe 5-6nights a week during these 4 months).

She one day tells me she can't take it anymore and deceides she needs space or time to figure out what she wants, i was devestated!!! of course with my past had guy feeling it was another guy, or co worker. I dont know. So its been about 6-7 weeks now since then I've seen her once since then. I've made all the mistakes a man can make in trying get thier ex back, gifts like no other! v-day, tanning packages,flowers, cnady magazines, texts, calls etc. she at first never reponded to texts or calls for first two-3 weeks but now she is the one after i wrote her a handwritten letter apologizing for not giving her the space she needed or asked for and not repecting her. she called or texted usually daily not always but most time.

I also found out she had re activated her online dating profile we met on after we agreeed apon deleting it togeter I did!! I joined as someone else just to check and low and behold she was active daily, finally after week or two of telling her how it was messing me up and I havent left her side and am here wating she "deleted" her profile again. Im not sur but think she had already had another persons number and thats why she was willing to quit, but mind she was still calling and texting me.

She never wanted too see me though, and even hinted at wanting have sex again because she was so you know!! and missed me. she backed out though.

 

my question and im so sorry if you have stuck through all this info so far, when do i give up? when do i say eff it? she lives litterally 3 blocks away from my house i find myself driving by all the time looking see if car out front, (its busy street). I dont understand!!! she said she doest want get hurt becuase of her ex husband, she also admitted finally after arguring she left her last bf because she got scared. I've told her several times i got issues with trust and so does she but if someone doesnt sit down with us and be patient then we will have these issues forever, she isnt willing to work on them with me. what doest that mean?

I dont want to walk away, I have cried so many times at night at work, at school at gym everywhere!!! I truley love her and want to be with her and dont know what to do. She's not the type to chase I dont think shes very very beautiful get any guy if she wanted. I truely fell in love with her after 4 months and its all i think about and want in life is her,. has anyone else goine through this after such short relationship? I afraid i go NC shes gone forever I keep pushing forward sometimes she responds text or calls sometimes doenst ill keep pushing her away.

 

from one Vet to anyone else please offer some advice and I thank you greatly. im tearing up as I write this. thank you so much

[Toddbt12y1]

When do you move-on? Now. I am truly sorry. It seems as if she has checked out. Worse, she could have been cheating. You do not have facts, but those typical hints. Not like you are being paranoid. It is actually a common-sign, it seems. After reading several posts, and my own experiences: It is just so common.

 

Unfortunately, she doesn't love you. She checked out, and obviously hide things from you. The dating profile is proof: She checked out. Her other actions, are hints of something worse. What dating website did you use?

 

Now, you: You need to move-on. Not waste your time with this woman. She is not ready, and clearly is hiding something. You shouldn't drive by her house: It makes you look crazy, and like a stalker. Four months, or five months, or whatever - it is never worth it to look like a stalker.

 

Take this time to work on yourself. I know, you are 28, nearly 29, and in fear it is all too late: It isn't. You aren't ancient. Your days are not counted for. You have plenty of time to meet a good-woman. Go 'NC', that is no-contact, and purge her from your world. She strung you a bit.

 

Her actions are shadey. I am sure, not all will agree with me...But they are. Think, post after post: you've probably read these posts yourself: How similar are these stories. I think one can draw a conclusion, based around these vast stories. You do not need a person like this. You do not need to drain your energies, or your life on her.

 

It isn't over; the sun has not set for you.

 

Welcome to LS, btw. Use it as you need.

[djfurcoat]

thank you very much for your help. I don't know what is wrong with Me and why cant I let go? This person is robbing me of all happines and Im tired living this way!!it has consumed me its all i think about night and day. Why is that? I don't think it is normal or is it too hurt so much care so much after only 4-5 months together with past 4-5 weeks just complete living hell. is it form co dependency? I truly loved her and kiddos. This pain isn't going away..

 

one bit history: I didn't text or call last Fri or Sat and I went out sking on Sat night and I left my phone in my car since didn't get signal and 2.didn't wanna keep looking at see if she ever contact me.during those 2-3hr period she sent 10-11 texts saying how sorry she was how she had been being a B hope she can be forgiven and at very least could be remain friends and at very last text said I never dated anyone just so you know..After seeing that course I was thrilled msybe thought she wanted get back together or work on us. she called or text everyday this week still didn't let me see her??? Then Sat this week texted me during work few times then said im free tonight if wanna do anything or talk. never heard back then outta spite and frustration said "if he's 1/2 as good guy as me as I was too you then you'll be very happy" I regret it. I called and apologized said shed call me back never did. Texted her today said good morning hope have good day i miss u..called her about 7 hrs later no answer left voicemail just once again apologizing stating I've never been put this situation before I dont akways know what to do. I hope we can reunite someday if its meant to be Im sorry I love you(something she use tell me and just stopped) ill give you your space now hope see you again someday if gods plans hung up..never left her vm and she never called it hurts!!

 

thank you again for everyone help

Edited March 11, 2013 by djfurcoat

[djfurcoat]

please help! quick update...i sent her good morning hope have good day text...

her reponse?? you need too move im going start seeing other people. wtf??? I loved her so very much!! i asked if she could please tell me why and what made her fall outta love with me.nothing

pain is unreal

[geegirl]

You need to stop the obsession.

 

The woman is not interested anymore, and if she gets to a point where she has to beat you off with a stick to make you accept the fact that it is over, then she's completely and utterly removed from you and the relationship. There is no getting her back.

 

Don't ask why she has fallen out of love with you. Her answers won't make her fall back in love with you. It's useless.

 

I understand it is painful but at some point you have to accept and let go.

Edited March 11, 2013 by geegirl

[Chi townD]

thank you very much for your help. I don't know what is wrong with Me and why cant I let go? This person is robbing me of all happines and Im tired living this way!!it has consumed me its all i think about night and day. Why is that? I don't think it is normal or is it too hurt so much care so much after only 4-5 months together with past 4-5 weeks just complete living hell. is it form co dependency? I truly loved her and kiddos. This pain isn't going away..

 

one bit history: I didn't text or call last Fri or Sat and I went out sking on Sat night and I left my phone in my car since didn't get signal and 2.didn't wanna keep looking at see if she ever contact me.during those 2-3hr period she sent 10-11 texts saying how sorry she was how she had been being a B hope she can be forgiven and at very least could be remain friends and at very last text said I never dated anyone just so you know..After seeing that course I was thrilled msybe thought she wanted get back together or work on us. she called or text everyday this week still didn't let me see her??? Then Sat this week texted me during work few times then said im free tonight if wanna do anything or talk. never heard back then outta spite and frustration said "if he's 1/2 as good guy as me as I was too you then you'll be very happy" I regret it. I called and apologized said shed call me back never did. Texted her today said good morning hope have good day i miss u..called her about 7 hrs later no answer left voicemail just once again apologizing stating I've never been put this situation before I dont akways know what to do. I hope we can reunite someday if its meant to be Im sorry I love you(something she use tell me and just stopped) ill give you your space now hope see you again someday if gods plans hung up..never left her vm and she never called it hurts!!

 

thank you again for everyone help

 

 

If you look at the bold type. You have to look at it in a different light to understand the meaning of that text.

 

Look, you just caught her on a outright lie. She stated that she wanted space; to be alone to figure stuff out and figure out what she wanted. Okay, cool. But! Then, you catch her on the dating website. How is dating other people while string you along with false hope working sh*t out for herself? That if these dates don't pan out, at least she has you as a fall back guy. So, why the apology about being a bitch and wanting to be friends? Because, she felt guilty. The last thing she texted you was "Oh! by the way, I didn't date anyone" BINGO! Right there! She was feeling guilty because SHE GOT CAUGHT!!

 

One thing about MOST women is they can't stand the fact that there might be a person on this planet that hates them or doesn't think they're not a nice person. She wanted you in the friend zone to ease her ouwn guilt so she could say to herself, "Well, we didn't work out. But HEY!! We're still really good friends. So, I guess the break up was for the best."

 

Time to move on dude. Stop texting her, emailing her and calling her. Drive a different route going home to avoid her place. She doesn't want to date you. You have to accept that an move on. There's other women out there that would love an opportunity to date you. So, stop being so hung up on the one that doesn't.

[flitzanu]

thank you very much for your help. I don't know what is wrong with Me and why cant I let go? This person is robbing me of all happines and Im tired living this way!!it has consumed me its all i think about night and day. Why is that? I don't think it is normal or is it too hurt so much care so much after only 4-5 months together with past 4-5 weeks just complete living hell. is it form co dependency? I truly loved her and kiddos. This pain isn't going away..

 

one bit history: I didn't text or call last Fri or Sat and I went out sking on Sat night and I left my phone in my car since didn't get signal and 2.didn't wanna keep looking at see if she ever contact me.during those 2-3hr period she sent 10-11 texts saying how sorry she was how she had been being a B hope she can be forgiven and at very least could be remain friends and at very last text said I never dated anyone just so you know..After seeing that course I was thrilled msybe thought she wanted get back together or work on us. she called or text everyday this week still didn't let me see her??? Then Sat this week texted me during work few times then said im free tonight if wanna do anything or talk. never heard back then outta spite and frustration said "if he's 1/2 as good guy as me as I was too you then you'll be very happy" I regret it. I called and apologized said shed call me back never did. Texted her today said good morning hope have good day i miss u..called her about 7 hrs later no answer left voicemail just once again apologizing stating I've never been put this situation before I dont akways know what to do. I hope we can reunite someday if its meant to be Im sorry I love you(something she use tell me and just stopped) ill give you your space now hope see you again someday if gods plans hung up..never left her vm and she never called it hurts!!

 

thank you again for everyone help

 

you're sounding dangerously obsessive. she didn't "rob" you of anything, she just doesn't want to be with you. all of your behavior is going to make her call the cops, and i'm not being sarcastic. you may not think you're acting crazy, but you're not behaving in a way that's going to make her think you're crazy.

 

she's done and told you she's done, so stop chasing.

[na49]

It doesn't matter how much you love her. If she doesn't love you, then she won't be with you.

 

She's giving it to you straight. I'd try to move out of fantasy land if you can. She doesn't think it's "nice" of you to send her something like that. This isn't a romantic comedy and in the real world, girls think things like this are pathetic. (I think)