Author calgary Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 Look, I know it feels like a violation of some sort of Bro Code, but if your friend and ex-girlfriend were meant to be together, would you really want to stand in the way of that? All of my friends are still friends with my ex-girlfriend on Facebook. I entertained the idea of one of my best friends falling for her, and yes, it made my blood boil. But I knew that if it were ever to happen, I would not throw him away. He's still my best friend. He can't control the way he feels, and it would be unfair for me to ask him to. The only way you should interfere is if you know for a fact that she is playing him. As it stands, she may just really like him (although putting it all over Facebook might be her trying to affect you at the same time). It would also be really nice of your friend to talk to you about it before he did anything, but maybe he's afraid of the confrontation. Sometimes, good people do bad things. I learned that today, in fact. It is maddening to think that she might be purposely trying to make you jealous or hurt, but on closer inspection, I recall times in which I behaved the same way. And I always thought of myself as a good guy. I think, once we understand things from their perspective, we can truly forgive them and move on. Today, I feel that I am closer to that state, and it is honestly extremely liberating. As for you, I would recommend blocking everything on Facebook that concerns her. You are not ready to see her happy with anyone else, much less your best friend. You might have to face it sooner or later, but you should choose to face it later when you are stronger. Because you will get stronger, I know it. I don't know, it was only 30 days ago I was sat in my car and she was hugging me saying she missed me and crying and saying she loved me holding my hand.. and now she's flirting with him. of all the guys she could get, why would she go for my friend? of all the girls he could get , why go for my ex ? what am I supposed to do, go hang out with him and her ? i'd never dream of hooking up with one of her best friends. i'd never dream of taking his ex. I don't think there's many people like me left around here.
flitzanu Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 I don't know, it was only 30 days ago I was sat in my car and she was hugging me saying she missed me and crying and saying she loved me holding my hand.. and now she's flirting with him. of all the guys she could get, why would she go for my friend? of all the girls he could get , why go for my ex ? what am I supposed to do, go hang out with him and her ? i'd never dream of hooking up with one of her best friends. i'd never dream of taking his ex. I don't think there's many people like me left around here. no, its very simple, as stated, you don't hang out with her, and you don't hang out with him. you're not required to be around them, that's your choice.
Author calgary Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 no, its very simple, as stated, you don't hang out with her, and you don't hang out with him. you're not required to be around them, that's your choice. haha I was being sarcastic ! I would never go for dinner with my ex and my friend whilst they hold hands and I sit at the opposite side of the table alone.
flitzanu Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 haha I was being sarcastic ! I would never go for dinner with my ex and my friend whilst they hold hands and I sit at the opposite side of the table alone. good it happens man. it sucks, but it happens. A LOT. but again, its doubtful that it is out of spite, sometimes things just feel right, and people get together.
adelia Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Your friend is being a jerk. He's not a true friend IMO. Id never do that to one of my friends no matter HOW much i liked or was attracted to their ex. As for her she's just like you said nasty and playing games. I'd stay away from both of them. Get rid of them from your fb and hang out at a new club. You need a fresh start away from this poison. 1
Author calgary Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 good it happens man. it sucks, but it happens. A LOT. but again, its doubtful that it is out of spite, sometimes things just feel right, and people get together. I'm just one of those people who wouldn't do it to others.. but that doesn't mean that they wouldn't do it to me.. I just think it's a really horrible thing for both of them to do.. but they probably don't think about me at all ... which is a shame, and I can't understand it, because I've always been nice to both of them.. I feel a bit of a fool now. I guess this kind of thing happens to lots of people.
Author calgary Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 Your friend is being a jerk. He's not a true friend IMO. Id never do that to one of my friends no matter HOW much i liked or was attracted to their ex. As for her she's just like you said nasty and playing games. I'd stay away from both of them. Get rid of them from your fb and hang out at a new club. You need a fresh start away from this poison. I know he isn't, i'm absolutely gutted, I've got a lot of good memories with him, we've gone on vacation together a few times, we've had some good times, I was really glad he started a life out here , I was so happy to see him again.. until obviously my ex started saying hey to him infront of me and then obviously all this facebook stuff, he said he'd never do that to me.. but I guess this is already him taking it a step too far . i'd never do it either so I find it really upsetting that he would to me like as if none of our memories together mean anything. same with her, I did so much for her, I really really tried my best I did a lot for her, I spent every day with her for 18 months.. and this is what I get. it's like she never cared, it's like she does not care at all about the last 18 months.. no respect at all. I feel annoyed at myself for getting upset over people like this.. but I cared about them both for such a long time that it's hard to just shut it off and move on.. it's bad enough going through a break up without her stealing my friend too. I don't even know how to bring this up with him. obviously we need to talk about it.
adelia Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 She cares ...about herself. You definitely need to talk to him. Give him a piece of your mind. Did he not know you'd see the fb likes? I'd be so disgusted. It's so wrong. He's kicking you while you're down and she's rubbing it in. Some people have no self conscience 2
Mack05 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Calgary you can block her so that you don't see her posts. YOU HAVE to do this. Secondly you need to have a chat to your mate. Be honest with him. If he doesn't fully comply best not hang out with him anymore. My friends would never to do this to me cause they know what the word friendship means..
Author calgary Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 She cares ...about herself. You definitely need to talk to him. Give him a piece of your mind. Did he not know you'd see the fb likes? I'd be so disgusted. It's so wrong. He's kicking you while you're down and she's rubbing it in. Some people have no self conscience I don't know if he did know if i'd see it, I guess he doesn't care, neither does she. break ups are hard enough. they are both selfish, i'm going through a lot of pain as it is without this.
Author calgary Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 Calgary you can block her so that you don't see her posts. YOU HAVE to do this. Secondly you need to have a chat to your mate. Be honest with him. If he doesn't fully comply best not hang out with him anymore. My friends would never to do this to me cause they know what the word friendship means.. he said he would never do this to me, I don't know who I can trust anymore.. a guy I've known years, the only person around here I actually liked.. my ex, the person I spent every day with for 18 months.. both betraying me agreed that I need to block her, I just needed to see if I could trust him and i'm devastated that I've lost a friend through this break up too, I don't even know what to say to him, this is such an awkward situation. I don't even feel like I want to talk to him right now. she has made this break up so much worse than it needed to be.
Author calgary Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 he just posted a status saying ' can't wait to see her tomorrow' (didn't actually put her name he just put that exactly.. I know she's always busy Tuesday and wed nights. I wish he'd be straight with me, I don't even know how to talk to him about it i'm so upset and angry.
Mack05 Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 You haven't lost a friend...He was never a friend in the first if he carries on like this.. I say IF. Just talk to him man. Meet him for a beer tonight and tell how how upset you actually are with regarding what's going on. If he doesn't de-friend her IMMEDIATELY, then you tell him you no longer wish to hang out with him..It is that simple. A friend is a friend through the good and bad, when you are being reasonable or being an idiot. Calgary you are making far more of a drama then this needs to be. Man up and take control of the situation!
Simon Phoenix Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 he just posted a status saying ' can't wait to see her tomorrow' (didn't actually put her name he just put that exactly.. I know she's always busy Tuesday and wed nights. I wish he'd be straight with me, I don't even know how to talk to him about it i'm so upset and angry. You call him up and talk about it. Simple. You got to do it. Don't sit there like a meek wallflower -- he has to know the possible consequences of going down this rabbit hole. Either way, you need to grow some balls and have this conversation.
Chi townD Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 You talked about finishing up what you needed to do there and getting out of dodge. I think that might be the best option for you. You need to get away from this drama. Get a fresh start. Don't look at it as starting over somewhere and not knowing anyone and being lonely. You need to look at it as an adventure with endless possibilities. But, it requires you to put yourself out there. Your friend needs an ass kickin. I mean, come on!! I can wait to see her tomorrow and you know she's busy on Tuesdays and Wednesdays? Really?!?! I know how you can find out if it's her he's talking about. Just respond to his post, "Well, make sure you wrap it up! I hear herpes is a bitch!" He'll either delete that post or she'll blow your phone up with texts acting all bat sh*t crazy. OR she'll post something cruel to that post to hurt you. But, you'd be prepared for that. Then you'll know. On second thought, don't do that...I was just venting. 1
Kermit Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 With what happened with you and your friend, and the frustration of my most recent break up. Im starting to understand why OJ did it. I really am.
Sugarkane Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Thats very odd that your friends are still friends with your ex. The first thing people do is take sides. I wasnt in the wrong but still everyone took the cheaters side. Why do they make your ex Tge exception? That is very unusual. Look, I know it feels like a violation of some sort of Bro Code, but if your friend and ex-girlfriend were meant to be together, would you really want to stand in the way of that? All of my friends are still friends with my ex-girlfriend on Facebook. I entertained the idea of one of my best friends falling for her, and yes, it made my blood boil. But I knew that if it were ever to happen, I would not throw him away. He's still my best friend. He can't control the way he feels, and it would be unfair for me to ask him to. The only way you should interfere is if you know for a fact that she is playing him. As it stands, she may just really like him (although putting it all over Facebook might be her trying to affect you at the same time). It would also be really nice of your friend to talk to you about it before he did anything, but maybe he's afraid of the confrontation. Sometimes, good people do bad things. I learned that today, in fact. It is maddening to think that she might be purposely trying to make you jealous or hurt, but on closer inspection, I recall times in which I behaved the same way. And I always thought of myself as a good guy. I think, once we understand things from their perspective, we can truly forgive them and move on. Today, I feel that I am closer to that state, and it is honestly extremely liberating. As for you, I would recommend blocking everything on Facebook that concerns her. You are not ready to see her happy with anyone else, much less your best friend. You might have to face it sooner or later, but you should choose to face it later when you are stronger. Because you will get stronger, I know it.
Author calgary Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 You talked about finishing up what you needed to do there and getting out of dodge. I think that might be the best option for you. You need to get away from this drama. Get a fresh start. Don't look at it as starting over somewhere and not knowing anyone and being lonely. You need to look at it as an adventure with endless possibilities. But, it requires you to put yourself out there. Your friend needs an ass kickin. I mean, come on!! I can wait to see her tomorrow and you know she's busy on Tuesdays and Wednesdays? Really?!?! I know how you can find out if it's her he's talking about. Just respond to his post, "Well, make sure you wrap it up! I hear herpes is a bitch!" He'll either delete that post or she'll blow your phone up with texts acting all bat sh*t crazy. OR she'll post something cruel to that post to hurt you. But, you'd be prepared for that. Then you'll know. On second thought, don't do that...I was just venting. haha i'd love to do that! it just bothers me that I told him and vented on him about stuff and he's probably telling her and they're probably laughing about it. I feel so mad and upset but i'm not saying anything.. I don't know how they can do it, i'd feel so guilty doing that.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 haha i'd love to do that! it just bothers me that I told him and vented on him about stuff and he's probably telling her and they're probably laughing about it. I feel so mad and upset but i'm not saying anything.. I don't know how they can do it, i'd feel so guilty doing that. Dude, he's your friend -- TALK TO HIM!! Don't be a passive-aggressive wimp -- tell him that as a friend, you don't approve. And if he laughs it off, then he's shown that he doesn't care about the friendship and you can "next" him as a friend. But you really have to stand up for yourself in this situation -- at least give him an opportunity to hear you out and make him explain why he's doing what he's doing.
Author calgary Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 Dude, he's your friend -- TALK TO HIM!! Don't be a passive-aggressive wimp -- tell him that as a friend, you don't approve. And if he laughs it off, then he's shown that he doesn't care about the friendship and you can "next" him as a friend. But you really have to stand up for yourself in this situation -- at least give him an opportunity to hear you out and make him explain why he's doing what he's doing. I called him earlier but got no response, I text him asking to call but still no call. in fairness I shouldn't need to call him, I shouldn't need to be tough. already at this point I realize he's not a good friend if he's got me this worked up. hopefully he'll call back.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 I called him earlier but got no response, I text him asking to call but still no call. in fairness I shouldn't need to call him, I shouldn't need to be tough. already at this point I realize he's not a good friend if he's got me this worked up. hopefully he'll call back. Fair enough. He might be busy. If a call doesn't work, text him tomorrow. He might feel pretty confused and guilty as well, you don't know until you get a hold of him.
Author calgary Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 Fair enough. He might be busy. If a call doesn't work, text him tomorrow. He might feel pretty confused and guilty as well, you don't know until you get a hold of him. he never called back but he just liked her photo on facebook. i'm feeling pretty miserable.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 he never called back but he just liked her photo on facebook. i'm feeling pretty miserable. You should have blocked/deleted her a while ago.
Author calgary Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 You should have blocked/deleted her a while ago. I deleted her, I just didn't block her, I should have done.. but maybe I should have done the same with him.
Chi townD Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Yep! Block both of them. This guy is ignoring your calls. He's too busy to return your calls but has enough time to like one of her photo's on Facebook? This guy is a jackass. And he's too much of a chickensh*t to face you. They deserve each other. Even if they do end up going out, it won't last. She was basically doing this to rub your face in it and that isn't a really good foundation to start a relationship on.
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