6 weeks since break up

[Skipper888]

Hi guys, it's been 6 weeks since my gf broke things off with me and I'm just confused as what to do . She broke it off with me cause everything in her life just became too hard I think, and she has so much pressure and expectation on her from her family and stuff.

 

She is 22 n I'm 26 and both work and live in a remote area. We have had a long distance relationship for a year and bit and everything was awesome we both tried so hard for each other until about 3 months ago.

 

I was going through final year of uni and she was working full time and was so stressed and I'm afraid I wasn't there for her for a month or 2 due to stress n I guess she felt like she was the only person putting into the relationship. However I was un aware of this cause she seemed so happy on the outside. Anyway she told me the day of the break up that she wasn't happy with her life and had developed feelings for her work mate. They weren't sexual or anything just working with someone everyday she had got feelings for him.

 

During Christmas we spent everyday together and it was amazing we have our own little world. We broke up cause she said she couldn't handle the roller coster of being so happy when I was with her on weekends and then depressed for the week when I wasn't there.

 

This all on top of her job which she works 12 hr days , 10 days on and 4 days off in the middle of no where. We broke up and it wasn't like any other break up I have had.

 

We both constantly texted each other and missed each other so much. She would call and we would talk about like nothing had happened. We are each others best friend. She asked for space and I tried to give it to her but like I said she would text me and we just keep texting until I always asked what was going on.

 

She told me that she wants to quit her job, she wants me, and doesn't want to be alone. However she has been given a great opportunity career wise and its hard for her to choose.

 

We texted all last week and I thought we were going to get back together but I just cracked on Saturday. My life is I a complete mess. I also have started a knew job to be closer to her and live 12 hrs from my friends and family and have no one and I was always waiting by my phone for her to reply. And I said I hate this thinking I have said something wrong when it takes her a few hours to text. I feel like a complete dick cause I feel like I ****ed things up completely. I said that I think I should let her go forever and she cut sick at me saying if u are that quick to jump the gun then she will leave me to it. She just wants time to find herself so she can be happy.

 

This was followed by me texting a million times saying with me saying sorry and I love her etc. and followed by a phone call where she said she loves me more than anything in the world and I'm the greatest person she has every met and she sick of me pressuring her. She then said that she just needs some space, that's she is sorry and that she loves me.

 

I just feel like I acted like a douche and can't explain to her that I feel this way. Desperation is not attractive and I feel like I made things worse especially when I said that I felt like I couldn't be myself cause constantly worrying about if I'm saying something wrong. Which is not true now I think about it she the only person I CAN be myself around.

 

I have not contacted her after this abut just feel terrible and immature about things. Sorry for the long post I just needed to get things off my chest without contacting her. Any advice would be great thanks lol

[Skipper888]

You put that very well. Problem is think she is a young person struggling to make a big life decision. Just crazy cause we both only wanted each other. We did share everything but like u said she broke it off. I know I shouldn't be the one chasing after her. It is her lost in the end. It's just a struggle coming to terms with the fact that the only thing I ever wanted is out there lost and confused.

 

It hurts to think that someone else is going to be that special someone. N I don't even know why. I didn't deserve this. Is just crazy. I know she loves me and that's what hurts too. The fact I can't let go of someone because I know they still love me and I love them.

 

But I am hurt and it just sucks. N don't know what to do. It's hard to move on when I'm also stuck in the middle of no where and no girls (mining town) and hurts that she is an amazing woman. Arghhhh love is effed. Just so confused right now about life, love everything. I know I don't want to be out here by myself. I only took the Job so I could be closer to her and now my life has turned up side down.

[Skipper888]

How can I be stronger than her. If she does contact me I can't be a douche. She is my best friend and I'm hers however if we aren't together we will not be friends at all cause I don't know how to be anything else around her.

 

Just a fine line between going NC and trying to be strong and showing that u care and you don't I guess.

 

This sounds jerking but through out the relationship I was always the one trying to act the 'coolest' and try and have control of the relationship. Not by being a jerk or abusing her calling her names. I loved her so much and we were just perfect except the whole long distance thing. But yeah now I feel as though I have lost that edge and look like I'm weak which I'm not. I just care to much and it's showing a lot.

 

I know this sounds really bad but I don't want to be the weak one cause like I said desperation and neediness is not attractive. I just don't know how to get that back.

 

Any advice?

[Skipper888]

Yeah I just feel really bad the way I left things. I said goodbye to her and she cut sick at me, i took it back but I still said it. I feel terrible cause I know things aren't just about me she has her own problems and yeah. I know I can't talk to her to explain how I feel, that I feel like a jerk for saying those things like goodbye.