Boyfriend doesn't talk to me, claims he loves me with all his heart, forever...

[SamRam]

My boyfriend is from another country and he's been in the USA for about 9 months and we met and have been going out for the past 4 months. He told me about a month and a half ago that he is thinking of going back to his country because he really misses it. The problem is, if he goes back without first becoming an American citizen, he can never come back and he feels if he goes back he may never want to come back at all. He says he loves me to the depth of his soul, that if he doesn't end up with me he will end up alone and that I am his first and true love, forever. Yet, he misses his country so much (because he is so new here) and it's making him crazy to choose between me and his country. At first, after he told me his problem, he used to say he was working late every night and he never had time to see me (which is true), not even on his one day off. Then after a few weeks, I saw him on a Friday and for the next three days we texted as usual. That following Tuesday was the last day I had heard from him for a week until I decided to write him a long text about what a horrible boyfriend he had become and if he had wanted to break up why had he not just said so and we could have both started to move on...Well, after some discussion about him being awful and him telling me he is sorry, he made the wrong choice to ignore me and that he loved me so much we both decided I would give him a little time to think things through and I would not text him until he was ready to talk and I we would continue our relationship as "normal". Well, days more went by and he had not spoken to me. Finally, last Sunday he wrote me to tell me he had a dream about me and he was wondering how I was doing and that he thinks of me always. We spoke for about two hours as normal and as usual we ended the conversation with a good night and an "I love you", both of which he said first, so it's not like I forced it on him. Well, our last convo was last Sunday...it's Sunday again tonight and I haven't heard from him since. I understand his problem but why ignore me all this time and yet not want to officially break up? What is the point of not talking to me at all? He also hasn't been speaking to any of our mutual friends in weeks either. Should I continue waiting and holding on or should I break up with him myself and just let him go back home to his country? Why he is acting this way? BTW, he's alive and well as he signs onto facebook every few days for just a few minutes (where he still has in a relationship with me)...he never likes, comments on or posts anything new either...ugh...Also, we are still "together" and "in a relationship" and I've asked him if he wanted to break up a number of times and added that it's better to break up than to be in a weird relationship like this but he claims he doesn't want to lose me, he is just confused and needs time...I really don't know what to do as I do have strong feelings for him...

Edited March 10, 2013 by SamRam
Forgot something!

[SamRam]

He's probably depressed or maybe he's thinking sth else. Does he work or study ? Either ways you need to sit with him and talk about whats going on. Stop checking his fb and second guessing what he is thinking, its going to get you nowhere. Even if he is depressed and misses his country (just curious, where is he from - just to undersand if language is a problem) thats no reason for him to stop talking with you. I live in a foreign country myself and I miss my country too, but I have my work and now I have new friends, when I first came here I had no friends and I didnt even know the language. I was so dependent on my ex for everything and that took a toll on our relationship. He should be telling you how he feels and about what, there's no magical way of communicating - both of you need to open your mouth and say how u feel.

Hey Swordfish! Thanks for posting, but I don't sit around checking his facebook it just so happens my facebook app alerts me when people sign on and once or twice he likes a post of mine. I don't want to say which country he is from but we have no problem communicating because he speaks English very well and I also know a bit of his native language. He does work, 6 days a week, usually all day long ( being 6am until roughly 6pm). It is very hard for him. I do not blame him for missing his country and I definitely have my own things going on between university and my job. I just noticed it had been a week since he and I had spoke and now I am wondering what I should do because it is really not fair for me to be in a relationship with someone who is not giving me the time of day and making me sad for missing him. He has his job, he has me and we have loads of friends together, he just needs to understand that and somehow get over his country. I know he is doing nothing wrong, nor do I accuse him of so. Thank you for you input, if you have anything else to add, I'd appreciate it Take care.

Edited March 10, 2013 by SamRam

[SamRam]

trust me, you do not want to breakup if u love him. That only leads to other complications. I wish my ex had someone tell her this and she had the idea to communicate with me, which we never could because we had language problems and distance.

 

Thank your stars you live close by and there's still a bit of hope.

 

He cant sit around moping about missing his country. He needs to realise that, until he does that its going to be difficult

Yes, you are right, I do not want to lose him because I do love him...I wonder how much time it will take him to decide because it has been three weeks and I'm just living life "in a relationship" without actually being in a relationship...if you know what I mean. He says he loves me and I want to believe him...we are 25 years old and I'm done with the single life. I will give him all the time he needs...I just hope I'm not sitting here for months waiting for him to come back and then he may decide to leave after all...Thanks for all your great advice.