Maybe I inflate my own attractiveness too?

[Ruby Slippers]

I'm sure this has more to do with ethnicity than looks.

 

I'm a white girl who grew up in the South, where pretty much only white guys approached me. Now I live in the North, where all ethnicities approach me. I like this a lot better.

 

The only big drawback I've experienced dating interracially is the judgment of others, including my slightly racist and ignorant Southern dad. I'm pretty strong and independent, and ultimately I wouldn't let anyone's opinions get in the way of real love. But it is a pain knowing that you're most likely going to have to deal with that judgment as soon as your relationship starts heading anywhere serious. And then there are the creepy stares and even comments of random racist people, which come into play as soon as you start dating.

 

Just wanted to add that a big reason some white women don't date other ethnicities is because of all the judgment it opens you up to. Life's hard enough. But again, if we were really in love and a great match, I'd endure all that and more.

 

One more thing I can say is that the OLD messages I got from non-white guys tended to be more flirtatious and sexual in nature, which was a turn-off, since I want a relationship and love.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Racial discrimination still exists kaylan.

 

 

Hate to say it, but while you may have more dates if you were white, you also have the benefit of being a desirable black man [that is if you are as awesome as you say you are].

 

 

Women do have preferences, and sure, some women prefer white guys, but some prefer black men too.

 

People in general need to understand that you can't be appealing to everyone.

As a thick woman I am sure I could land more dates if I was skinny. But I am not, so why wallow? I still think I am the ****, and you know what, I have met plenty of sexy men who prefer their women with some thickness.

 

 

 

 

 

 

You live with what you have and you learn to work the angles.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Lol @ your accusation of racism. I love how white people try to paint minorities as racist for ever daring to say that race plays a role in certain areas of their life. Some of you folks would just love us to shut up because it makes you that uncomfy huh?

.[/b]

 

 

 

Two wrongs don't make a right.

[kaylan]

I have dated more black guys than not. It has never been due to the fact they were black though.

 

Just gotta have a good personality for me! Of course attraction is essential, but for me attraction is far more than a good body or chiseled face.

 

If you could get a good banter going with me and weren't hideous I would give the guy a chance.

Granted, having ones **** together was also something I looked for.

Educated men who had a direction in life and were working towards goals has always been something I value.

 

Sure, maybe I am a rare woman when it comes to OLD. That being said, I don't think anyone should rely on OLD to find a match. Everyone I dated from OLD, things never really went anywhere.

You are rare though.

 

While plenty of girls and guys put a premium on banter and how personalities click when meeting someone in real life...when it comes to online dating men and women especially, put a larger premium on someone ticking all the boxes in what they want in a mate.

 

So if someone doesnt make it over one hurdle, they are done right then and there...before a real convo begins. Nvm the fact that textual banter isnt the same as real life banter. I got alone great with one girl in messages, only to be bored to tears by her on the phone and in person.

 

I think people expect way too much from profiles and messages. I just try to find a chick whos attractive, smart and driven, and can write properly. After that theres no way for me to know how well we will get along unless I meet her.

 

But hell, a couple times Ive gotten no responses from the chicks who said they are into black dudes in their profile. However, these women seemed like they were after the hip-hop head type brother. Im a rocker, skater type brother.

[ThaWholigan]

I have dated more black guys than not. It has never been due to the fact they were black though.

 

 

 

Just gotta have a good personality for me! Of course attraction is essential, but for me attraction is far more than a good body or chiseled face.

 

If you could get a good banter going with me and weren't hideous I would give the guy a chance.

Granted, having ones **** together was also something I looked for.

Educated men who had a direction in life and were working towards goals has always been something I value.

 

 

 

 

 

Sure, maybe I am a rare woman when it comes to OLD. That being said, I don't think anyone should rely on OLD to find a match. Everyone I dated from OLD, things never really went anywhere.

Looking at your pictures, I'm certainly not surprised black guys date you more often than not (in a good way I mean ).

[kaylan]

Two wrongs don't make a right.

Huh? Two wrongs? Its true though, I only ever hear a white person calling a minority racist for noticing that race plays a role in various aspects of our daily lives. Other minorities dont throw that accusation at one another because we all know from personal experience that race can be a factor in our lives in some way.

 

Im not saying all white people, or most white people are like this. Im merely saying I only have encountered white people doing this.

[iKING]

Yes, that's what white people do all the time, they always tell black people to shut up! They are the devil!!!

 

If you're assuming an entire race does something racist, wouldn't that make you racist?

[tbf]

kaylan, while race does appear to factor on okcupid, so does gender. From what I've read about it, men don't do near as well as women with online dating. As a guess, men aren't as careful as women when it comes to dating strangers. Women have to be more careful, taking longer to select, since all it takes is one judgement error to end up with a player or date rapist.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Huh? Two wrongs? Its true though, I only ever hear a white person calling a minority racist for noticing that race plays a role in various aspects of our daily lives. Other minorities dont throw that accusation at one another because we all know from personal experience that race can be a factor in our lives in some way.

 

Im not saying all white people, or most white people are like this. Im merely saying I only have encountered white people doing this.

 

Say what you mean and mean what you say then.

 

You just called some one racist and then made a blatant racist comment of your own. "You white people..."

 

Really?

C'mon... Be better than that.

[crosswordfiend]

My Caucasian good friend's sister went to primary through high school with non-white kids. She attends a mostly white college now but her boyfriend is black and so are most of her friends. Early exposure really changes everything.

 

This is the crux of the matter. If you want to pin down the time frame, all you have to do is study immigrant families who decamped into predominantly white neighbourhoods and compare the dating habits of the children. In most cases, the older kids go for partners from the old country and the younger kids not. My best guess is the imprinting period ends at puberty.

[kaylan]

Since when are bragging and stating facts mutually exclusive?

I would have had no reason to speak about the number of women I date, nor would I have had to assert to having a better dating life than you, if you didnt call me out and try and say Ive done poorly the last 6 months. I merely responded to you calling me out, so I dont see how I was bragging if my response was no unsolicited.

Afaik science can't measure attractiveness, which would make the whole study subjective and unreliable.

Attractiveness is not totally subjective. Anyone in science can tell you this. There are certain things like facial symmetry, hip waist ratio, shoulder waist ratio, etc, that are genetically coded into us to find attractive in certain configurations.

 

Yes Kaylan, I'm sure a white version of you could get 60 replies from 50 messages sent and outcompete George Clooney when it came to attracting girls, you really are that awesome and it's just your race that is holding you back

Keep dismissing my experiences. You might want to do a quick google search. Guys have done studies before by setting up identical profiles with men of different races and testing the response rates.

 

No I'm not daft, thank for asking I guess.

And if it comes up as often as in your posts and it's equally light hearted, then I'm sure it rubs people the wrong way.

Um...this is an internet advice forum. Youre dumb if you think half the stuff people talk about here, they talk about with their dates. No they do not. And no I do not have serious racial conversations with women I barely know.

Yes, that's what white people do all the time, they always tell black people to shut up! They are the devil!!!

Not all white people, but certainly some of you tell minorities (not just blacks) to hush when a racial conversations makes you feel uncomfy.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Looking at your pictures, I'm certainly not surprised black guys date you more often than not (in a good way I mean ).

 

Thanks!

I am a thick woman, which tends to be more appealing to black men than white. Doesn't mean that there are no white guys who appreciate it.

 

 

It just goes to show, you can't let what makes you "outside" the desired [this is all relative speaking] let you think you aren't desired.

 

 

 

SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, thinks you are super sexy and awesome the way you are. If more people did than not... then it wouldn't be as special when you found that person.

[kaylan]

Let me say it again though people:

 

Anyways, this thread shouldnt be just about race. I made two other points. One about my own perceived attractiveness, and another about womens expectations when using OLD and possibly waiting for their mr perfect. Lets discuss that too folks.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Not all white people, but certainly some of you tell minorities (not just blacks) to hush when a racial conversations makes you feel uncomfy.

 

 

Freedom of speech is in place for a reason.

 

 

I would tell anyone to hush if they were talking about something that I didn't feel comfortable talking about.

 

 

 

When people speak such as you did above, it makes me sad... blatant generalizations are such a problem in this world. We are all individuals.

[ptp]

That's my take on the race thing...as far as the other stuff you posted, Kaylan, OLD does create unrealistic expectations. It is quite literally a catalog that people can endlessly scroll through to try and find their ideal partner. It creates the belief that yes, while you are having success on some level, you could be doing EVEN BETTER--your perfect mate is really only a few more clicks away! So this makes a lot of people, men and women alike, overlook profiles of people who could be quite good for them in order to chase those who look great on paper and inspire those fluttery feelings right off the bat.

 

I think this is exactly correct. Thus OLD is waste for the majority of men. It is only useful for women or really attractive guys.

 

2 of my friends who both are both average or slightly above average in the looks department have had no luck whatsoever.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Let me say it again though people:

 

Anyways, this thread shouldnt be just about race. I made two other points. One about my own perceived attractiveness, and another about womens expectations when using OLD and possibly waiting for their mr perfect. Lets discuss that too folks.

 

 

 

I never went to OLD to find my "almost perfect."

What else would you expect?

[iKING]

I never went to OLD to find my "almost perfect."

What else would you expect?

 

Seriously, if you're looking for your dream match, you're gonna have a bad time.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Seriously, if you're looking for your dream match, you're gonna have a bad time.

 

Not really. Dream match doesn't mean perfect body and perfect hair and brilliant, and all those FANTASY dream men traits.

 

 

I meant more in the terms of... MY perfect match.

[iKING]

Not really. Dream match doesn't mean perfect body and perfect hair and brilliant, and all those FANTASY dream men traits.

 

 

I meant more in the terms of... MY perfect match.

 

I meant looking online for a perfect match.

 

My type is woman, they're pretty easy to find really.

[kaylan]

Freedom of speech is in place for a reason.

 

I would tell anyone to hush if they were talking about something that I didn't feel comfortable talking about.

 

When people speak such as you did above, it makes me sad... blatant generalizations are such a problem in this world. We are all individuals.

Oh please...gimme a break.

 

Anyone who read what I said knows I did not imply all white people. Nor does that need to be stated. People can accurately gather what I meant. And that its white people who throw the accusation of racism at minorities when they talk about race playing a role in their lives.

 

Have freedom of speech. It just makes it easier to spot ignorant people like RQ

I think race does matter somewhat...exactly how or how much it matters depends on the person. I haven't had much of a problem with it at all since I moved out of my hometown--it was much more of a problem for me when I was living there. I was probably the only girl in my high school class who'd never had so much as a date, and I was definitely more attractive than a good number of girls in my class.

 

I'm mixed (black/white) and while doing OLD I received the most messages, overwhelmingly, from white men. I do think, though, that this is a direct result of my surrounding demographics. The black and other minority populations where I live are rather small.

 

That's my take on the race thing...as far as the other stuff you posted, Kaylan, OLD does create unrealistic expectations. It is quite literally a catalog that people can endlessly scroll through to try and find their ideal partner. It creates the belief that yes, while you are having success on some level, you could be doing EVEN BETTER--your perfect mate is really only a few more clicks away! So this makes a lot of people, men and women alike, overlook profiles of people who could be quite good for them in order to chase those who look great on paper and inspire those fluttery feelings right off the bat.

 

I did that myself--I had been talking to two other guys on OKC and had a second date with one and a first date with the other for the same weekend I first met my most recent ex. I threw both those guys off, who probably would've impressed me had I given them a chance, for someone who was really hot and otherwise great on paper.

And Im feeling the bold is rather common with women online...or in dating in general.

 

Its really just turns dating into too much of a battlefield...because it makes me think "why should I become invested in someone who might wanna just up and replace me?" Its a shame men have made the dating game like this for women. Because its really guys faults for throwing themselves at women so easily all the time.

[mesmerized]

What happened to the last girl you were seeing Kaylan?

[miss_jaclynrae]

Oh please...gimme a break.

 

Anyone who read what I said knows I did not imply all white people. Nor does that need to be stated. People can accurately gather what I meant. And that its white people who throw the accusation of racism at minorities when they talk about race playing a role in their lives.

 

Have freedom of speech. It just makes it easier to spot ignorant people like RQAnd Im feeling the bold is rather common with women online...or in dating in general.

 

Its really just turns dating into too much of a battlefield...because it makes me think "why should I become invested in someone who might wanna just up and replace me?" Its a shame men have made the dating game like this for women. Because its really guys faults for throwing themselves at women so easily all the time.

 

I am starting to see why you don't have much luck with women.

Do you usually talk to people like that?

You sound sarcastic and rude.

 

And your perspective on dating is so twisted... Good luck.

[miss_jaclynrae]

I meant looking online for a perfect match.

 

My type is woman, they're pretty easy to find really.

 

I approached OLD just as I did IRLD.

 

 

 

*shrug

[kaylan]

Reread the post, I said the exact opposite.

Ok, ill concede that I misinterpreted that portion of your reply. I guess that was a compliment. However, no Im not in some 90th percentile. Ive only kissed a few women in the last several months.

 

Those indeed are factors. But knowing those ratios play a role in attractiveness doesn't mean all is known about attractiveness, it just scratches the surface.

The point was that attractiveness is not totally subjective.

 

O really? Link?

Simply google 'black white profile experiment' or 'male female profile experiment'. People have done these quite a few times to illustrate the difference among genders and races in reply rates. And again...read the link from the earlier pages regarding the OKC study. THEY DID THEIR OWN STUDY, which backs up what Im saying.

I do not appreciate your insults. And while I do not believe having deep conversations with people you just know is usual, at some point in time a topic will come up and you could either lie or give your honest opinion. Too bad your honest opinion seems to be that everything bad in your life is the result of racism and everything good you've achieves is despite the racism, and that racism is the single most important issue in the world [your quote in some earlier thread]

Wtf? When did I ever say that every bad thing in my life is due to racism? Im sorry that you are too ignorant to see outside of your prism of privlege. Do you go around telling women that any sexism they ever faced were figments of their imagination and that things are equal between the genders too? Unlike you, Im able to recognize reality, and the reality is that many things like race, gender, religion, height, nationality, sexual orientation, etc...all play roles in many of our lives. Sometimes good, sometimes bad...but its dumb to think they never have an affect.

 

And its stupid for someone not of a particular group to sit and continually dismiss the many experiences of others

 

And racism is one of many important issues in the world. Same with sexism, homophobia, etc. Social equality is important across the board. And btw...the women I date agree with my viewpoints on these issues when they finally come up in conversation. Hell, the last girl I dated found it utterly stupid that some girls would sleep with a particular type or guy, but not find him suitable as a bf.

When I see something racist, I call it out. Plain and simple. You on the other hand abuse alleged racism to not take responsibility for the outcome of your life.

Wait wait, its racist for me to state the fact that some white people, such as yourself, call minorities racist when minorities call attention to the role race plays in their daily life? What a laughable response by you.

 

I take plenty responsibility for my life, and I rarely bring up the role race plays in my dating life. But its ignorant and stupid of you to dismiss the role it plays in many people dating lives...all from the steps of your white guy outlook.

 

How in the world can you dismiss a world view you know NOTHING about when many minorities and whites in this thread are telling you first hand accounts of the affect race plays in dating? One poster mentioned the Southern US (notorious for race relations) and how different it is from the North. Are we all just seeing something thats not there and youre just more enlightened than us?

 

Unlikely

[kaylan]

I am starting to see why you don't have much luck with women.

Do you usually talk to people like that?

You sound sarcastic and rude.

 

And your perspective on dating is so twisted... Good luck.

Im very blunt with people. I dont pull punches when talking about topics I find very important. However, I dont have conversations like these with women I just started dating and barely know. So no, my posting style, nor my debating style, have anything to do with my dating life.

 

What happened to the last girl you were seeing Kaylan?

While we had some compatibilities that made our time together fun, we did have some glaring incompatibilities. Plus right now she has a super busy schedule and a hectic home life (shes not the only one with medical issues), so things are on a slow burn right now.

 

So its actually good that things got pulled back, because I wasnt exactly sure where I could have seen that going. It turned out being another one of those situations where someone makes a pretty cool friend, and someone you enjoy spending time with (sexy time too lol), but theres not enough compatibility to move forward.