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Maybe I inflate my own attractiveness too?


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Posted

You know how people sometimes say that folks may think they are more attractive than they really are? Well after my last couple months on online dating, in addition to having used it on and off for the last few years...Im wondering if thats the case for me too.

 

I mean, Id like to think Im a catch...I think Im between average looking and cute facially, Im average height, Im in good shape, Im funny and empathetic, Im educated, I work, and I dont have any major issues or baggage (drugs, kids, ex drama, etc). I have a good profile too with some good pics. Yet for some reason I have to send out way too many first messages just to get a response.

 

Its leaves me thinking its 1 or more of these things:

 

1. Girls arent finding me facially attractive. And tbh, I feel like the face matters much more to girls than a good body...but Im not really a slouch in either department. But my success rate leaves me wondering if girls find me ugly. Sure I havent been having long dating droughts, but I dont wanna have to go through loads of rejection just to enjoy an active dating life.

 

2. Id be good enough in person, but in OLD, girls wait it out for butterflies and a match that fits their list better. I mean, I can see the point many guys have made with girls passing on many good guys because they are waiting it out for a guy who ticks every box or gives them butterflies. Because the girls who view my profile and then dont respond, are women I know I could land in real life.

 

Its like people expect online interactions to give them the same feelings as when they meet people in person. Plus text doesnt really capture personality well. But OKCs questions and profile layout does a decent job...but its not like I have any major deal breakers in my profile or questions. Its just weird when I have girls pass me over who I know sometimes arent even at the level of women Ive gotten in the past.

 

3. Im really starting to wonder if a white version of myself would be doing much better. Because lets be real...for the most part, being white on OLD is a pretty good leg up. If not only for the fact that whiteness is conflated with attractiveness and desirability in the media and throughout much of the world.

 

Nevermind the fact that many girls match question answers say they prefer a guy of the same race, or they say in their profile they only like white dudes. I mean, when most women in my area are white, this presents a dating challenge. I tend to only date the girls who answered that question indicating they are open to other races, but still with no success. Because lets be real, theres no way to pin that down. They can be open to a Latino dude, but not open to a brother.

 

But seriously, I couldnt see myself having this much trouble if I was my same self, but racially different. An educated white dude with a gym body, long hair, decent height, same facial attractiveness, educated, job, plays guitar and bass, has varied intellectual interests and social concerns, etc. I mean, I generally just roll with it, but Ive known guys who have less going for them do a good deal better than me online...and I cannot put my finger on it other than women just automatically being more open to dating them since the IR dating thing wouldnt be an issue.

 

I mean, Im just wondering which of these numbered reasons is the reason Im not doing as well as I feel I should. Like I dont think Im an Ebony Adonis or anything, but Im no sewer dweller either.

Posted

I don't think its because of you, I think OLD just sucks and is worthless.

  • Like 2
Posted

3. Im really starting to wonder if a white version of myself would be doing much better. Because lets be real...for the most part, being white on OLD is a pretty good leg up. If not only for the fact that whiteness is conflated with attractiveness and desirability in the media and throughout much of the world.

 

This is why I stopped online dating.

Posted

It's just OLD. I was online for 3/4 years before I started to see any kind of success from it. When I put my pic to be rated, the average number was 3 :laugh:.

 

Can't take it too seriously - gotta be neutral about how you look. You obviously take a certain amount of pride in it, so maintain it. All you can do really. I do tend to underrate my appearance myself, so I experience things differently.

Posted

OLD is just garbage dude. Simple as.

 

I do photography on the side, my pics are fine. I've won awards for writing. My profile is fine. I kill in real life interactions with women. It's not my inability to generate interest.

 

OLD just sucks, plain and simple.

 

That's the only way I can explain why I've been able to land the kind of girls I land in real life while at the same time having 0 success online.

  • Author
Posted
It's just OLD. I was online for 3/4 years before I started to see any kind of success from it. When I put my pic to be rated, the average number was 3 :laugh:.

 

Can't take it too seriously - gotta be neutral about how you look. You obviously take a certain amount of pride in it, so maintain it. All you can do really. I do tend to underrate my appearance myself, so I experience things differently.

................:confused:

 

You are definitely not a 3. I refuse to be rated if you got a 3. Id prolly get a 1.5 lmao

Posted

I personally am attracted to dark skin. Being completely honest, and I know stereotypes are bad, I worry attractive black men with good jobs are too in demand, that they are followed by constellations of women. So if the guy was very very friendly, I would be reassured.

 

By the way, do you put that crocodile/cat picture online, because that avatar is to-die for.

Posted
................:confused:

 

You are definitely not a 3. I refuse to be rated if you got a 3. Id prolly get a 1.5 lmao

To be fair, this was a few years ago - business has picked up since then because OLD is more popular nowadays.

  • Author
Posted
This is why I stopped online dating.

I mean, Ive never used Match or Eharmony myself, but Ive been on it when my friend was browsing...and its common for girls of many races to be open to dating their race, and then white dudes. And if they happen to be open to more races, Asian guys and black dudes tended to be the only races not selected. So I really wonder about the race angle.

 

Heck, I avoid messaging girls who answer "yes" to the OKC question "Do you strongly prefer to date someone of your own race?" Because I figure, why bother? I sure its not a hard and fast 100% rule for some of them to not date outside their race, but knowing how they answered that right off the bat would make me feel settled for.

 

Its really lame...both sides of this race thing. On one hand Im trying to avoid women who have a "thing" for black dudes...because I want to be seen as a man in their eye, first and foremost (plus Ive dealt with chicks who will hookup outside their race but then run back to their race). And on the other hand, I dont want someone whos dating me because their perfect match didnt show up. I dont wanna be settled for.

 

Luckily most of the girls Ive dated have just seen me as a cool guy firstly, and as a black guy secondly. These chicks just seem hard to find.

Posted

I doubt a white version of yourself would do any better.

  • Like 1
Posted

 

Luckily most of the girls Ive dated have just seen me as a cool guy firstly, and as a black guy secondly. These chicks just seem hard to find.

 

They exist. They're just easier to find in real life.

 

There is a racial component to OLD that most people choose not to talk about.

 

Truth is, unless you're a minority, you really don't know how it is.

 

Now I'm a hispanic who has seen success with all ethnicites of women in real life, but none in OLD interactions.

 

I can't sit back and pretend my race doesn't play a role in that for some of the people viewing my profile.

  • Like 3
Posted

Yea probably as most people do.

 

However, online dating is really made for women and really attractive guys.

 

Average guys have little luck and below average...forgetaboutit. :laugh:

Posted
I doubt a white version of yourself would do any better.

 

I'd bet my entire estate on it. Seriously.

  • Like 5
Posted

Youre not tall which deducts a point from the begining just being honest from hearing women talk and with online dating heights even more of a commodity for men

Posted

If you're not white, male or female, you are considered to have a lesser status so I'm sure it does affect people's choices. But also OLD sucks too. Try to approach women in real if you can. That's what I would do if I were a guy for sure.

Posted
Youre not tall which deducts a point from the begining just being honest from hearing women talk and with online dating heights even more of a commodity for men

Yeah, but I am - and I've experienced the same, if not worse at some point on OLD

  • Like 1
Posted
I mean, Ive never used Match or Eharmony myself, but Ive been on it when my friend was browsing...and its common for girls of many races to be open to dating their race, and then white dudes. And if they happen to be open to more races, Asian guys and black dudes tended to be the only races not selected. So I really wonder about the race angle.

 

Heck, I avoid messaging girls who answer "yes" to the OKC question "Do you strongly prefer to date someone of your own race?" Because I figure, why bother? I sure its not a hard and fast 100% rule for some of them to not date outside their race, but knowing how they answered that right off the bat would make me feel settled for.

 

You have those who have the courtesy to uncheck the box for your race in their profile, and then you have those who don't say anything about it in their profile and simply ignore your messages because you don't fit their racial preference.

Posted
They exist. They're just easier to find in real life.

 

There is a racial component to OLD that most people choose not to talk about.

 

Truth is, unless you're a minority, you really don't know how it is.

 

Now I'm a hispanic who has seen success with all ethnicites of women in real life, but none in OLD interactions.

 

I can't sit back and pretend my race doesn't play a role in that for some of the people viewing my profile.

To be honest, last year was a hotbed of cuckold messages from white women aged 28 and up - that was a weird experience.

 

The easiest women for me to message surprisingly is mixed raced women - they seem to be much easier to message and converse with.

  • Like 2
Posted
Yeah, but I am - and I've experienced the same, if not worse at some point on OLD

 

I dont deny theyres alot of white women who wont date black men but there are a lot who will

 

I can see an Indian or Oriental complaining because for whatever reason they are on the bottom of the male attractivness totem pole to women but a black guy shouldnt have that much issue if hes attractive

  • Author
Posted
Youre not tall which deducts a point from the begining just being honest from hearing women talk and with online dating heights even more of a commodity for men

While being tall (5'11 and up), adds points when in online dating, being average height like me (at 5'9) doesnt deduct points. It just keeps you from being written off because of it. Being short is generally the point deductor.

 

Same goes for a girls weight when guys profile browse. Being fit and slim is a bonus...but just because a girl is average size doesnt mean she loses points. Points get lost when girls get too chubby on OLD.

Posted
Because the girls who view my profile and then dont respond, are women I know I could land in real life.

So message them! Just because they don't write a message doesn't mean they aren't interested. I'm on OKC. I don't browse any profiles, but simply see who messages me. Women may be shy.

  • Author
Posted
To be honest, last year was a hotbed of cuckold messages from white women aged 28 and up - that was a weird experience.

 

The easiest women for me to message surprisingly is mixed raced women - they seem to be much easier to message and converse with.

No way!!! :eek:

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