irc333 Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 One of the key advice tips that we hear a lot, in regards to men and dating advice, is "never appear to eager"...however, how often do you hear this the other way around? I mean really, how often are women overly eager?
Author irc333 Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 when women do it, it's almost automatically assumed that there's something amiss I personally see this as a myth, I know of know man that would actually be turned off by a woman that pursued them....in fact , they'd welcome it with open arms.
grkBoy Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 One of the key advice tips that we hear a lot, in regards to men and dating advice, is "never appear to eager"...however, how often do you hear this the other way around? I mean really, how often are women overly eager? Watch the movie "He's Just Not That Into You". The character, Gigi...that's an overly-eager woman. 1
normal person Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Men are supposed to be pursuers, when women do it, it's almost automatically assumed that there's something amiss. I agree. When a girl comes on too strong, I can't help but wonder why. Why aren't there other guys trying to be with her? Something must be up. Why is she so eager to validate herself? Something must be up. Desperation from either gender is pretty unattractive. If a girl likes a guy, I think the best thing she could do would be to let it be tastefully apparent without being overbearing. Without forfeiting any of her own opinions or values. I personally see this as a myth, I know of know man that would actually be turned off by a woman that pursued them....in fact , they'd welcome it with open arms. It might not be a turn off but it's not necessarily a turn on either. I don't know if this is crass or not, but I like to pursue -- when something gets handed to you, it can be nice, but there's not as much joy in it or appreciation for the process. There's no feeling of accomplishment, and the end product might seem devalued a little. I've used the analogy before, but I'd feel much better working hard for a fortune than just winning the lottery. Just my two cents. 3
mesmerized Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Are you sure you're in your forties? You sound way too clueless. "Don't act too eager" is like Dating 101 for women. 7
jcrew11 Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 One of the key advice tips that we hear a lot, in regards to men and dating advice, is "never appear to eager"...however, how often do you hear this the other way around? I mean really, how often are women overly eager? I think the key is to "Not Be Annoying" and pestering a guy/girl or being too intense about marriage is annoying. You have to read the situation and be seductive without being over-bearing.
jcrew11 Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I personally see this as a myth, I know of know man that would actually be turned off by a woman that pursued them....in fact , they'd welcome it with open arms. Yeah, I agree its a myth. Its just an excuse for women to not risk rejection from men. Its the wimps method to dating. "Easy Women" are out there and they have a lot more fun. The "Prude Women" are the ones staying home on Saturday night waiting for their future "one and only lover/husband" to call.
jcrew11 Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Doesn't matter whether you see it as a myth. It happens all the time. Average to less than average fellas may be flattered on occasion (many aren't however and do eventually begin to question the woman's value if things progress), but the boys higher up in the pecking order most definitely do do this. That's not to say that a woman shouldn't let her interest be known, but it is more than possible for a woman to appear "over eager"...though generally when a woman does it they call her "desperate" rather than "over eager". My 17-year-old son would tell you the same. I think the term you are looking for is "Needy" - like needing a man to feel safe, secure, financial support, emotional support, and just being obnoxious. Also, your 17 year old is not looking to get married any time soon.
Mr_Flay Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I don't know if this is crass or not, but I like to pursue -- when something gets handed to you, it can be nice, but there's not as much joy in it or appreciation for the process. There's no feeling of accomplishment, and the end product might seem devalued a little. I've used the analogy before, but I'd feel much better working hard for a fortune than just winning the lottery. Just my two cents. Really? If somebody offered you a million dollars, no strings attached, you'd turn down the offer just because you didn't work hard for it? For me it isn't about the chase, it's about the end result. Ultimately we all want to find somebody nice who'll understand us and whom we'll be attracted to. It doesn't matter how we met, as long as we end up together. Why does it bother you how you get from A to B if your ultimate goal is to get to C? Personally I'm wary of people who enjoy the thrill of the chase. Makes me wonder what they'll do once the chase is over. Move on to another person and do the chase all over again to feel the same thrill?
PJKino Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Doesn't matter whether you see it as a myth. It happens all the time. Average to less than average fellas may be flattered on occasion (many aren't however and do eventually begin to question the woman's value if things progress), but the boys higher up in the pecking order most definitely do do this. That's not to say that a woman shouldn't let her interest be known, but it is more than possible for a woman to appear "over eager"...though generally when a woman does it they call her "desperate" rather than "over eager". My 17-year-old son would tell you the same. Has nothign to do with men not wanting a women to pursue if the women is attractive to the man he is not gonna be bothered by it If it doesnt work then the guy probably wasnt atracted to the women just like men who pursue women and get rejected The logic is just faulty ..its like me whos only been rejected by women saying its because women should pursue is the reason why iam rejected instead of the real reaosn which is the women i approached were not attracted to me
somedude81 Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 How many men have actually experienced a halfway decent looking woman being too eager? 2
Author irc333 Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 Really? If somebody offered you a million dollars, no strings attached, you'd turn down the offer just because you didn't work hard for it? For me it isn't about the chase, it's about the end result. Ultimately we all want to find somebody nice who'll understand us and whom we'll be attracted to. It doesn't matter how we met, as long as we end up together. Why does it bother you how you get from A to B if your ultimate goal is to get to C? Personally I'm wary of people who enjoy the thrill of the chase. Makes me wonder what they'll do once the chase is over. Move on to another person and do the chase all over again to feel the same thrill? I have to concur with Mr. Flay.... I don't see the appeal of the "thrill of the chase", the whole " you appreciate things more if you work at it" analogy doesn't hold water compared to other things you have to work for like career and other projects.
crude Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 but the boys higher up in the pecking order most definitely do do this. I thought that the guys higher up the pecker order can have their choice of women, so they don't have to be eager either.
Lonely Ronin Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 How many men have actually experienced a halfway decent looking woman being too eager? Looks around and Raises Hand...... It was a negative thing for sure, because it pointed to some underlying issues. 1
somedude81 Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Looks around and Raises Hand...... It was a negative thing for sure, because it pointed to some underlying issues. You've already described yourself as very good looking, so that's expected. I'd reckon, somewhere along the lines of 3 out of 10 men have experienced a halfway decent woman being too eager. Possibly 2 out of 10.
sweetjasmine Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 One of the key advice tips that we hear a lot, in regards to men and dating advice, is "never appear to eager"...however, how often do you hear this the other way around? Uhhh...all the time? You're saying you've never heard people tell women not to be too clingy and needy? Really? 1
Woggle Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Have you heard of the book The Rules? Dumb book but it revolves around this concept. I advise anybody to just be themselves and people can take it or leave it. That is the best way to find a quality relationship that lasts.
outsidethebox Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I'm trying to figure out the downside to it. That someone nice seems too "eager" whatever that is and poor guy doesn't feel like he hunted the wabbit and just wasn't a worthy victory yada yada cry me a river.
Lonely Ronin Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I'm trying to figure out the downside to it. That someone nice seems too "eager" whatever that is and poor guy doesn't feel like he hunted the wabbit and just wasn't a worthy victory yada yada cry me a river. lol, that's a very narrow minded view in my opinion. I don't expect you to understand until it's happened to you.
somedude81 Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 lol, that's a very narrow minded view in my opinion. I don't expect you to understand until it's happened to you. Tell me this, have you ever had a woman you consider desirable make an acceptable approach?
sweetjasmine Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 The downside to being chased by someone "over eager"? There are several.. 1) They assume you're feeling the same way. 2) They see and hear what they want to see and hear. 3) They suffocate you. 4) You often have to be unpleasant to slow them down. 5) You know it's something they're projecting onto you, rather than seeing you as you are. (I'm not saying "all men do this", but the "over eager" frequently do) 6) They generally burn themselves out with their own eagerness. 7) They feel wounded/insulted when you don't reciprocate. 8) They frequently don't respect your need for space and a slower pace. 9) It is often an indication of a lack of maturity or understanding of the way people work. My guess is many of the things on this list also apply in cases when women are the "over eager" ones. Yes, all of that. It's smothering. And the behavior points to deep insecurities. This is not gender specific, and I'm baffled by the thought that some folks would think it is.
tbf Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Dating suggestions that only pertains to men Okay. Don't be a pussy. 1
Lonely Ronin Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Tell me this, have you ever had a woman you consider desirable make an acceptable approach? Yes, I have has several 'desirable' women approach, some overly eager some not. Monicaelise gave a good list of what was wrong with the overly eager ones.
outsidethebox Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 The downside to being chased by someone "over eager"? There are several.. 1) They assume you're feeling the same way. 2) They see and hear what they want to see and hear. 3) They suffocate you. 4) You often have to be unpleasant to slow them down. 5) You know it's something they're projecting onto you, rather than seeing you as you are. (I'm not saying "all men do this", but the "over eager" frequently do) 6) They generally burn themselves out with their own eagerness. 7) They feel wounded/insulted when you don't reciprocate. 8) They frequently don't respect your need for space and a slower pace. 9) It is often an indication of a lack of maturity or understanding of the way people work. My guess is many of the things on this list also apply in cases when women are the "over eager" ones. This makes no sense to me at all. You and ronin's "eager" appears to be a euphemism for smothering. How does one smother someone walking up to them and talking to them? Give me a break. And yes, if not reciprocated they will be hurt. Did you guys ever consider that that applies to non-"eager" people as well?
grkBoy Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 How many men have actually experienced a halfway decent looking woman being too eager? Coming on to me? No. Watching them go nuts to try to make a guy like them, date them, call them, commit to them? Plenty of times.
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