AD1980 Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I believe that one's standards are created and developed based on external feedback of who is attracted to him, and it's something that begins to develop as a kid. It also evolves are you grow older, eventually peaking at some point in your life, then coming back down as you lose your own physical attractiveness. But I merely speculate. I agree and disagree..the one or two women whove shown interest in me i couldnt stomach seeing naked..their interest didnt make me attracted At the same time your own attratcivness level plus what you can get does play some role in what you are attracted to.. Theyres girls that turn me on and my good looking friend who gets women thrown at him will think they are unattractive because of what hes used to getting and his own level of attractivness
Necris Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 A lot of people base their interest in another on that other person's interest in them. By opening yourself to less attractive women, you are opening yourself to receiving interest by more people, thus increasing your chances of being interested in a woman. Now if men and women did this simultaneously, you'd have less attractive people opening themselves to being interested in one another... See that works in theory, but not in practice. Now if you were in the situation where you have a girl who is obviously interested in you but you don't think she's attractive enough and you are trying to get with this other woman with model looks who ignores you, then yeah it would probably be in your best interest to at least consider dating women who might be less attractive. But if you're like me and no woman at all seems to be interested in you, lowering your standards doesn't really do much you'll still be rejected over and over again, so no real change there.
CryForNoOne Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Never settle! I know plenty of "nice guy" married men who did and they are mostly miserable. That's not to say that there aren't happy marriages out there, but the ones I know who settled are definitely unhappy. I'm certain of this because I've known them since their single days. I saw the types of girls they pined for, and rarely got. Then they ended up with someone I thought "Hmm. That's not really what you told me you wanted." Then sure enough, they're now saddled with kids and I can see the trapped look on their face when we talk about "how hard marriage with kids is". That's not to say being single into your 40's is a cakewalk. No one wants to die alone but I think men can afford to wait well into their 40s and maybe 50s. Women don't have this luxury. 2
GoodOnPaper Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Never settle! I know plenty of "nice guy" married men who did and they are mostly miserable. That's not to say that there aren't happy marriages out there, but the ones I know who settled are definitely unhappy. It's really a pro/con assessment. The down side is that you never quite get the degree of physical and emotional connection you think that marriage is "supposed" to have. On the other hand, navigating marriage, kids, household stuff forces you to adapt to more responsibility and, consequently, you do grow as a person whether you want to or not. Although moving on with your life may not erase past regrets, it will at least slow down or halt the downward spiral associated with those regrets. Which side wins, pro or con, probably depends on how well you at least like your spouse and feel you are compatible.
mesmerized Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 those women are probably settling for you too. So I guess the unfair thing goes both ways. Most people settle in one way or the other.
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Im one of the ones that started a thread over men settling. I hate it when I see on this site guys telling a "struggling guy" to just lower his standards and to talk up a kinda-ugly girl so he has a chance... I dont have an answer. Im glad you said that youd rather be alone than settle, because I know alot of men that are so scared of being alone they take what they can get at the first chance Finding someone with whom you have a mutual interest is much harder to find than people on this site make it out to seem. Itll happen eventually. Eh, I think part of it is some of these guys have never been in a relationship or done any of that. If you keep holding out you might end up so far behind it's impossible to catch up. 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 (edited) Im one of the ones that started a thread over men settling. I hate it when I see on this site guys telling a "struggling guy" to just lower his standards and to talk up a kinda-ugly girl so he has a chance... I dont have an answer. Im glad you said that youd rather be alone than settle, because I know alot of men that are so scared of being alone they take what they can get at the first chance Finding someone with whom you have a mutual interest is much harder to find than people on this site make it out to seem. Itll happen eventually. Not talk up an ugly girl because he has a better chance. But talk to ALL girls and when one is cool and maybe not totally physically hot, you give it a shot and see if she might like you. How is that any better or worse than women dating a real hot guy who treats them like total dirt or cheats on them or pumps and dumps them? At the end of both of those relationships, who came out better? The man who settled for a woman who wasn't super attractive whom he had some damn good life experiences with? Or the woman who totally went for the hot guy she was infatuated with who treated her like total crap? BTW, until one of these guys comes up with an actual, real life example, that's all this is. Stupid, silly hypotheticals. Edited March 11, 2013 by JuneJulySeptember
JuneJulySeptember Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Most guys that settle dont treat their girls that great and their girls can tell the guy isnt so into them. Women do that just as much. Settling is all how you define what is important to you. If looks isn't that important to you, then you never settle.
ltjg45 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 What would you say to a guy who's only interested in Megan Fox? He is without hope and is already doomed for failure.
JuneJulySeptember Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 He is without hope and is already doomed for failure. If he's looking for a woman who THINKS she looks like Megan Fox, then there's tons to choose from.
man_in_the_box Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 If looks isn't that important to you, then you never settle. That's rubbish. Settling means going below your standards or taking whatever you can get even it doesn't meet your requirements or something along those lines. Most people have more standards than looks alone and why is it not settling if they are ending up with a partner that did not meet those criteria?
grkBoy Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I've said many times on this board that standards are only good to have when you can attain potential mates with those said standards. The usual example is of an average-looking and/or overweight man or woman who is hoping to land an above average-looking athletic mate. If that person can't seem to get any dates or RLs out of those above average-looking people, then it might be time to rethink those standards. I've seen this double-speak also that PJKino speaks of, where men are told to lower the bar and women are told to keep the bar very high. I think it mainly equates to feminism. Men were told for decades that we're all shallow and vapid, and we should lower the bar. Women on the other hand were told to excel and conquer everything they lay eyes on...the board room, the sports field, and even dating. Unfortunately, the world has changed. Men now have come through those decades of being told they're shallow that we end up with many "nice guys" who pander to women and others who are confused and rebelling either as playas and/or misogynists. Women have also been told so much to keep raising the bar that too often many women "price themselves out of the market"...thus why we have many single women complaining how they can't find a good man. I personally think one shouldn't sit there comparing themselves to others. Yeah, I'm sure while I might strike out (when I was single) I'd see women reject dozens of guys like me while wondering why the alphas won't commit...but I don't compare myself to them. Those women and even the overly-picky guys dig their own holes in life. I live mine and sought out the balance. The pretty girl who isn't holding the bar so high that no actual men can come close. Over time, things will change. Hopefully we'll see both sides come to a balance and thus dating won't be so hard on some while easy for others.
AD1980 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I've said many times on this board that standards are only good to have when you can attain potential mates with those said standards. The usual example is of an average-looking and/or overweight man or woman who is hoping to land an above average-looking athletic mate. If that person can't seem to get any dates or RLs out of those above average-looking people, then it might be time to rethink those standards. I've seen this double-speak also that PJKino speaks of, where men are told to lower the bar and women are told to keep the bar very high. I think it mainly equates to feminism. Men were told for decades that we're all shallow and vapid, and we should lower the bar. Women on the other hand were told to excel and conquer everything they lay eyes on...the board room, the sports field, and even dating. Unfortunately, the world has changed. Men now have come through those decades of being told they're shallow that we end up with many "nice guys" who pander to women and others who are confused and rebelling either as playas and/or misogynists. Women have also been told so much to keep raising the bar that too often many women "price themselves out of the market"...thus why we have many single women complaining how they can't find a good man. I personally think one shouldn't sit there comparing themselves to others. Yeah, I'm sure while I might strike out (when I was single) I'd see women reject dozens of guys like me while wondering why the alphas won't commit...but I don't compare myself to them. Those women and even the overly-picky guys dig their own holes in life. I live mine and sought out the balance. The pretty girl who isn't holding the bar so high that no actual men can come close. Over time, things will change. Hopefully we'll see both sides come to a balance and thus dating won't be so hard on some while easy for others. It is interesting how struggling men and women are treated differently with advice Women are told by other women the guys who rejected you are idiots and youll find the perfect guy if hes smart and know what a catch you are A struggling guy is automatically assumed hes facing rejection because hes going after victoria secret models and told to lower his standards which in turn hes told dont lower them becasue its not fair to the women hed lower them for Maybe ill become a priest since women dont want me anyway:laugh:
Bengal Tiger Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Do you really need permission from anonymous strangers on an internet forum before you date someone? You'll grow old and die before the Internet lets you feel happy. Just go for it. Good luck!
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