PJKino Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 As a stuggling guy you get mixed messages here..if you cant attract women they say lower your standards to less attractive women who may not excite you all that much but then you have people saying its not fair to the women if you settle for someone you arent that attracted to but settle for because its all you can get As a struggling guy it seem as if you youre damned if you do and damned if you dont 2
outsidethebox Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 (edited) but laid if you do I never could get into the heavy stuff so I guess I'm damned if I don't Edited March 10, 2013 by outsidethebox
normal person Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 (edited) As a stuggling guy you get mixed messages here..if you cant attract women they say lower your standards to less attractive women who may not excite you all that much but then you have people saying its not fair to the women if you settle for someone you arent that attracted to but settle for because its all you can get As a struggling guy it seem as if you youre damned if you do and damned if you dont On occasion that can be sound advice, but remember that a lot of people in the contingent of "they" might have little to no idea what they're talking about. I don't think there's any actual answer. Maybe you think what I'm about to write is BS, who knows? It's pretty subjective. I'd personally say that it's unreasonable to ask someone to lower their standards; the heart wants what it wants. But if you're attracted to a high quality person and don't reach similar standards yourself, you'll probably struggle in attracting them. Instead of lowering your standards, raise yourself to the standards of those you want to be with. It's tough but possible. Edited March 10, 2013 by normal person 7
hppr Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 As a stuggling guy you get mixed messages here..if you cant attract women they say lower your standards to less attractive women who may not excite you all that much but then you have people saying its not fair to the women if you settle for someone you arent that attracted to but settle for because its all you can get As a struggling guy it seem as if you youre damned if you do and damned if you dont It's not about being damned it's about trying different things and changing your attitude/outlook. You have to figure out what it is about yourself that's turning off the girls you like. 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 As a stuggling guy you get mixed messages here..if you cant attract women they say lower your standards to less attractive women who may not excite you all that much but then you have people saying its not fair to the women if you settle for someone you arent that attracted to but settle for because its all you can get Do you have a particular woman in mind? How do you know how things are going to be unless you try them out? People talk in all kinds of hypotheticals, like either you have a raging attraction to someone that cannot be controlled or the attraction is zero. Perhaps things are like that for most people and perhaps you, but it is not like that for me. If I kinda like a woman, I'm going to date her and see where it goes.
chasingbutterflies Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Keep trying. Not all girls are the same. It is supposed to be hard, otherwise it wouldn't be a great when you finally find someone you do connect with. 1
Author PJKino Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 It's not about being damned it's about trying different things and changing your attitude/outlook. You have to figure out what it is about yourself that's turning off the girls you like. Fair point..for myself id rather be alone the rest of my life then somebody i have no attraction to.. I just find it odd that people say lower your standards then if you do they say its not fair to the perosn you settled for 1
USMCHokie Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 What I find curious is that you usually never hear a guy remark that it's not fair that a higher quality woman, whether physically or otherwise, is "settling" for him... 1
somedude81 Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Keep trying. Not all girls are the same. It is supposed to be hard, otherwise it wouldn't be a great when you finally find someone you do connect with. No, it's not supposed to be hard. For some men, it boarders on impossible.
ThaWholigan Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 No, it's not supposed to be hard. For some men, it boarders on impossible. Nothing is impossible.
JuneJulySeptember Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Keep trying. Not all girls are the same. It is supposed to be hard, otherwise it wouldn't be a great when you finally find someone you do connect with. That's a different kind of hard. What you're talking about is that it is HARD to find someone that you genuinely click with and are super physically attracted to and who has the same raging hard on for you. The kind of HARD OP is talking about is finding a woman who he he has any medium attraction to who has any sort of interest in him.
irc333 Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Funny how this thread was posted....I recall a TODAY show clip "Should I settle for Mr Good Enough" Basically, it doesn't have to mean to "lower your standards" though...so she makes sense.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Nothing is impossible. Some things are impossible.
ThaWholigan Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Some things are impossible. True, but I'm trying to be uplifting here . 2
somedude81 Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Nothing is impossible. Did I say it was impossible? No, I said it boarders on impossible.
man_in_the_box Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I think it turns into something negative when you keep a relationship alive while it obviously is never going to make you happy because it doesn't meet your standards and subsequently you waste your partners time to find a partner who does appreciate him/her. 1
USMCHokie Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Another curious observation: for men, it's only considered "settling" if the physical attraction is subpar. Does a guy ever "settle" for a hottie with a sh*tty personality...? 3
ThaWholigan Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Another curious observation: for men, it's only considered "settling" if the physical attraction is subpar. Does a guy ever "settle" for a hottie with a sh*tty personality...? "Like, she doesn't make me happy, I don't get to f*ck her more than once a month, she makes me feel like a tool...........but, she's hot so .........." 2
USMCHokie Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 "Like, she doesn't make me happy, I don't get to f*ck her more than once a month, she makes me feel like a tool...........but, she's hot so .........." Couldn't have said it any better.
Author PJKino Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 Another curious observation: for men, it's only considered "settling" if the physical attraction is subpar. Does a guy ever "settle" for a hottie with a sh*tty personality...? Settling to me means being with someone you dont love just to be with that person Im just using setlting in the context of advice given to struggling men on here to approach women they dont find attractive who migh say yes
USMCHokie Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Im just using setlting in the context of advice given to struggling men on here to approach women they dont find attractive who migh say yes Well in the context of this statement, you speak of physical attractiveness...
Eggplant Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 As a man, your biological clock is more flexible, so you probably have a lot of time to play with. Don't settle. If you do settle, straight up let the woman know you're settling. Although most savvy women will know to some level. I'd rather be alone than with a man who was disappointed that I was all he could get. But the woman may have her own reasons for wanting it. Ugh, this thread is so depressing. Don't do it.
SteveC80 Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Another curious observation: for men, it's only considered "settling" if the physical attraction is subpar. Does a guy ever "settle" for a hottie with a sh*tty personality...? I think both have to be there but i understand the op's point in that if a struggling man keeps getting rejected and has to move to women hes not attracted to sometimes you have to settle for whatever u can get if you dont want to be alone. Lets be honest most unattratcive looking people settle for each other..we can be politically correct or pollyanas and say they look beautiful to each other but its not the truth. The unattractive man learned through tons of rejection from better looking women and the unattractive women learned from attratcive men never hitting on her and both realized at some point neither can get someobdy they think is really good looking so they have to find other things to bond over and not have the physical be there. 1
ThaWholigan Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I think both have to be there but i understand the op's point in that if a struggling man keeps getting rejected and has to move to women hes not attracted to sometimes you have to settle for whatever u can get if you dont want to be alone. Lets be honest most unattratcive looking people settle for each other..we can be politically correct or pollyanas and say they look beautiful to each other but its not the truth. The unattractive man learned through tons of rejection from better looking women and the unattractive women learned from attratcive men never hitting on her and both realized at some point neither can get someobdy they think is really good looking so they have to find other things to bond over and not have the physical be there. I disagree with you on the basis that physical attraction to a somewhat significant degree is subjective. There are all types of women who find me attractive and all types of women who don't. Likewise, there is a broad range of women who I find attractive - some of them are even quite big . So it's not as simple as they don't like each other but they have to stick together. Nobody has to do that. There is someone out there who will be attracted to you.
JuneJulySeptember Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Another curious observation: for men, it's only considered "settling" if the physical attraction is subpar. Does a guy ever "settle" for a hottie with a sh*tty personality...? Unless she is demonstrative about her settling for you. For instance, she might be reluctant to kiss you or introduce you as her beau in public. As a man, I wouldn't put up with that. Or at least I won't anymore. As a man, your biological clock is more flexible, so you probably have a lot of time to play with. Don't settle. If you do settle, straight up let the woman know you're settling. Although most savvy women will know to some level. I'd rather be alone than with a man who was disappointed that I was all he could get. But the woman may have her own reasons for wanting it. Ugh, this thread is so depressing. Don't do it. It really isn't. It only is because people have hypothetical views of what perfect relationships should be. For instance, I have been totally gaga/nuts/crazy in love with three women in my life. One dated me, and the other two friendzoned me. The one who dated me gave me so much less respect and support than other women who have dated me and of the two who friendzoned me, one is lazy and unreliable and the other is ditzy, whimsical, impulsive, and a cheater. Yes, that is emotional love for you. Of the other women I have dated, was I maybe not as crazy into them. Maybe. But they were supportive, reliable, fun, and attractive. When you 'settle' you're not really 'settling'. When you follow your heart and loins, that's when you really settle. 1
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