Sweett Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Never thought I'd post in this section being on this side of the fence but I have a married man that is attracted to me. We work together, in different departments though but its been a gradual process. First it was just speaking as we passed each other, then it was him asking one of my coworkers who's also my friend questions about me and the now he's always coming by my office to talk to me and see how I'm doing, EVERYDAY. He's asked me out to lunch and for my phone number. It's getting a little tough because I find this man soooo attractive and we have great conversations he walks me to my car everyday...but I've always told myself I wouldn't be involved with a married man, but at the same time this is how someone took my ex from me as I caught him cheating with the girl he's about to marry. I keep telling myself "hell somebody did it to me and got a ring". But then I don't know. Has anyone been in this situation? What did u do?
Pierre Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Never thought I'd post in this section being on this side of the fence but I have a married man that is attracted to me. We work together, in different departments though but its been a gradual process. First it was just speaking as we passed each other, then it was him asking one of my coworkers who's also my friend questions about me and the now he's always coming by my office to talk to me and see how I'm doing, EVERYDAY. He's asked me out to lunch and for my phone number. It's getting a little tough because I find this man soooo attractive and we have great conversations he walks me to my car everyday...but I've always told myself I wouldn't be involved with a married man, but at the same time this is how someone took my ex from me as I caught him cheating with the girl he's about to marry. I keep telling myself "hell somebody did it to me and got a ring". But then I don't know. Has anyone been in this situation? What did u do? You are at the precipice. If you fall the pain will be intense. You are about to lose your dignity. The married man knows you are weak and is courting you. He knows you are vulnerable to the courting. He chooses his vulnerable women very carefully. If you are willing to be a side dish go ahead and become his concubine. Why not pay attention to single men?
Author Sweett Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 You are at the precipice. If you fall the pain will be intense. You are about to lose your dignity. The married man knows you are weak and is courting you. He knows you are vulnerable to the courting. He chooses his vulnerable women very carefully. If you are willing to be a side dish go ahead and become his concubine. Why not pay attention to single men? True, i undrrstand what u r saying which is why im reluctant but single men are intimidated or are emotionally unavailabłe it appears.
Author Sweett Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 And like I said. Someone took my man from me this way. She didn't focus on a single man..,,just something to ponder.
stillafool Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 True, i undrrstand what u r saying which is why im reluctant but single men are intimidated or are emotionally unavailabłe it appears. How do you think a married man will be more available for you? 1
Pierre Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 True, i undrrstand what u r saying which is why im reluctant but single men are intimidated or are emotionally unavailabłe it appears. Single men do not court women with such passion and intensity. Single men have many options because they are single. Married men have fewer options because they are married, but when they find a woman that is willing to ignore his marital status they know how to put on a show. Cheating married men are much more charming. The cheating MM has recognized you as a woman that may ignore his marital status. So he is courting you with a degree of intensity you will not find in most single men. 2
Author Sweett Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 What a horrible thought - someone did it to me and got a ring! Is that what life is about? Getting a ring? Then go buy yourself one! Most married men do not leave their wives. You think he's different? And really? You're attracted to someone that has a wife and is spending his time courting you? Maybe you should look at why anyone that gives you attention is suddenly attractive. I'm sorry your bf cheated, but that doesn't mean you should become OW. Tell you what - read the stories here of OW in cases where the affair was discovered by the wife. See if that's what you're interested in. See if you're interested in losing your job since you work with him. See if you're interested in all of your coworkers finding out you sleep with married men. See if you're interested in the people in your town looking down their noses at you, or maybe your family doing it. This is a terrible idea. Admit you like the attention but that he's a jerk for doing this when he's married and be done with it. No attention is worth what you're about to go through. Understandable which is why I haven't slept with him or gone to lunch!
Author Sweett Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 How do you think a married man will be more available for you? I don't, I really don't!
Pierre Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 And like I said. Someone took my man from me this way. She didn't focus on a single man..,,just something to ponder. Sometimes concubines get the married man. However, most of the time the concubine is thrown under the bus. You need to read the stories in the forum.
KathyM Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Tell the guy you are not interested in a relationship with a married man. Simple as that. Keep repeating that until he gets the message. Don't be a homewrecker. I'm sure you don't really want to be that kind of a person, you are just finding it difficult to resist the guy. This guy is no prize. He is cheating on his wife. If you were to ever end up with him, he will likely cheat on you as well. So you are in for heartbreak either way with this guy, whether as his OW hopeful to someday have him to yourself but never does, or an OW who eventually gets the guy but he ends up cheating on you. Neither scenario will be good for you. Don't waste your time and emotions on cheaters, and don't compromise your character and values. Tell the guy you are not interested, and don't be waivering and giving him mixed messages, or he will continue to pursue you.
CarrieT Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 the same time this is how someone took my ex from me as I caught him cheating with the girl he's about to marry. I keep telling myself "hell somebody did it to me and got a ring". For starters, you are justifying it in your head because someone did it to you - but that is an entirely different scenario because you weren't MARRIED to your boyfriend and his cheating was his issue. But how did your boyfriend's cheating make you feel? And then think to yourself, "Could I do that to another woman?" Because that is what you would be doing... You don't just screw the man, but you screw his wife as well; literally and figuratively. You don't want to do this so you need to put a stop to it immediately. You tell them man to stop walking you to your car. You tell him it is wrong and you extricate yourself from the situation before it goes further. 2
Author Sweett Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 Tell the guy you are not interested in a relationship with a married man. Simple as that. Keep repeating that until he gets the message. Don't be a homewrecker. I'm sure you don't really want to be that kind of a person, you are just finding it difficult to resist the guy. This guy is no prize. He is cheating on his wife. If you were to ever end up with him, he will likely cheat on you as well. So you are in for heartbreak either way with this guy, whether as his OW hopeful to someday have him to yourself but never does, or an OW who eventually gets the guy but he ends up cheating on you. Neither scenario will be good for you. Don't waste your time and emotions on cheaters, and don't compromise your character and values. Tell the guy you are not interested, and don't be waivering and giving him mixed messages, or he will continue to pursue you. Thanks for this because deep down I do not want to do what some bitch did to me. Like I said I do find him attractive however he is wrong for trying to do what he is doing. 1
Author Sweett Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 This is unfortunate but doesn't change a thing I wrote. Well that's great! And like I said I have not done anything with the man! Geez!!!!
Pierre Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Well that's great! And like I said I have not done anything with the man! Geez!!!! However, you have the typical OW mindset and you are about to fall. I give you credit for posting and pondering.
Author Sweett Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 For starters, you are justifying it in your head because someone did it to you - but that is an entirely different scenario because you weren't MARRIED to your boyfriend and his cheating was his issue. But how did your boyfriend's cheating make you feel? And then think to yourself, "Could I do that to another woman?" Because that is what you would be doing... You don't just screw the man, but you screw his wife as well; literally and figuratively. You don't want to do this so you need to put a stop to it immediately. You tell them man to stop walking you to your car. You tell him it is wrong and you extricate yourself from the situation before it goes further. Ok thanks for your advice. And for the record, the past few days I've been telling him I have to work later so he could be on his way!
Author Sweett Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 This is unfortunate but doesn't change a thing I wrote. And it wasnt unfortunate for the person he left me for now was it?
Decorative Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 And like I said. Someone took my man from me this way. She didn't focus on a single man..,,just something to ponder. Um, nobody can "take" another person. Your boyfriend chose to betray you and leave. Nobody can make someone else do something.
chaser0195 Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 And it wasnt unfortunate for the person he left me for now was it? Actually it was unforunate for his new woman.She now has herself a cheater for a fiance. 1
scatterd Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 hell somebody did it to me and got a ring I know how it feels to be hurt by a man in that way. But two wrongs does not make a right. The best way to get even is to be good to your self and others. Their is plenty of single men out there. Don't lower your self to his level. This married man will also hurt you and why would you want someone like the man you was with. You can do better then that. Vengefulness always comes back to bite and is ugly trait. You deserve to be loved and not cheated on but if you do not back away from MM you will set yourself up for more pain and disappointment.
loredo21 Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I agree with PP just really take a day or so to read about the OW here and what happened after dday...the results are overwhelmingly NOT in your favor. Save yourself and his family a lot of heartache! GL!
whichwayisup Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 but I've always told myself I wouldn't be involved with a married man, but at the same time this is how someone took my ex from me as I caught him cheating with the girl he's about to marry. I keep telling myself "hell somebody did it to me and got a ring". But then I don't know. Has anyone been in this situation? What did u do? So because of this, you feel justified to try to take another woman's husband from her, or just have an affair because it's happened to you? If anything, you should use own your personal experience from the past and realize that you do not want to become an OW to a MM, and put yourself in a situation where you're going to get hurt. Do you think by having an A, you will 'land' him and he'll choose you over his wife and children (if he has kids)? Really think about what it is you want. You also have to know you'll become office gossip by having an A with a married coworker. Both of you will be the talk around the watercooler. Anyway, this guy shouldn't be asking for your number, let alone acting like he's single. What an idiot! Just shows what type of person he is - married and willing to ruin all that he has at home and also at work too, his professional reputation..Yours as well. To knowingly get involved with a married person is asking for heartache. Your decision of course, but I really hope you think this through. Give some thought of what your friends, family and work collegues will think of you if you go for it. Give some thought about how you'll be helping this MM cheat on and betray his wife. Why would you want to hurt her in the way you know first hand what it feels like to be cheated upon? Also, you'll be second fiddle to him as AP's are not the first priority relationship. You'll be a secret and hidden, having stolen moments with him on HIS time frame.
MissBee Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Never thought I'd post in this section being on this side of the fence but I have a married man that is attracted to me. We work together, in different departments though but its been a gradual process. First it was just speaking as we passed each other, then it was him asking one of my coworkers who's also my friend questions about me and the now he's always coming by my office to talk to me and see how I'm doing, EVERYDAY. He's asked me out to lunch and for my phone number. It's getting a little tough because I find this man soooo attractive and we have great conversations he walks me to my car everyday...but I've always told myself I wouldn't be involved with a married man, but at the same time this is how someone took my ex from me as I caught him cheating with the girl he's about to marry. I keep telling myself "hell somebody did it to me and got a ring". But then I don't know. Has anyone been in this situation? What did u do? I would advise against it. Especially since you have a mentality of revenge underneath the surface about it. Just because someone did it and "got a ring" doesn't mean you will. I would be willing to bet that you definitely won't "get a ring" but will get lots of heartache and drama, especially since he is your coworker. Attractions in my experience die down when sufficiently starved. When fed, when you fantasize about them and entertain it it becomes larger than life and seems more and more attractive, and down the rabbit hole you go! It is no doubt harder when this person is pursuing you, but I would focus on what kind of sleaze is out prowling for others at his office when he is married. That shines his behavior in unattractive terms and doesn't make it seem romantic. When your ex did it to you, would you say he was a great man for it or no? I would focus on doing my job at work and I would turn this man down. If for nothing else, think about the fact that this is your job and your financial stability you're messing with here, and for what? A most likely meaningless tryst with a married guy in which he may come out on top and you will wear the scarlet letter as the OW, homewrecker and office slutt. Sorry to be harsh, but this is the imbalance that exists, the OW will usually end up getting the worst of the critique from other people while the MM will get off a lot easier. 2
LadyLost Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Sweett, if you are looking for a story to warn you off any potential affair, read mine. He is at my work, charmed me so I fell in love with him, has kept me strung long for over two years and left his home and returned each time. I have entered into NC more times that i wish to count. each time, he pulls me back. He has broken my heart. Left me depressed and unable to move on with my life. MM are not worth it and my advise is to stay away. Once you start, it's 1000 times harder to stop. So few have happy endings and people, lives and families get destroyed. But at the end of the day, I knew all this. Only you will make the decision and choose your path. Good luck.
MissBee Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 And like I said. Someone took my man from me this way. She didn't focus on a single man..,,just something to ponder. She didn't "take your man." Your man was not an object on a shelf which she pilfered. Your man willfully engaged in a relationship with her and it was messed up for him to do so, just like this MM is messed up for pursuing you when married. If you have unresolved feelings about what happened to you, being the OW won't even the score, trust me. You will likely end up having your man "taken" by an OW and then have your heart crushed and run over by a bus by a MM whose wife then "takes him" back from you. 1
Author Sweett Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 What does that have to do with what you're about to do? I'm sorry someone cheated on you. It is irrelevant to this situation. Why do you keep bringing this up? Maybe you should get some help for your anger over being betrayed instead of thinking "well, someone did it to me, so why not?" Or do you think that since your BF is marrying the person he cheated with, that this man might do the same with you? Sure thing. Again, don't make your own post. Just read the stories already on here. Yes!!! I will continue to be angry over the manipulative bitch who did all she could to get me out of my ex's life. You don't even know the half. If I want to make a post I will make it. I did not sleep with this man and I'm not about to I just was curious about the responses I would get!!!
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