anamur Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Hi everyone, I'm sure my story is similar to many others. However, since my break up is so very fresh I'd really appreciate somebody's thoughts on my situation. In the fall of 2011 I was working on a project in another country, engaged to be married the following year and it seemed my life was perfectly stable. As the time went by in this new country my fiance and I grew apart and it was clear we had many differences that would have been hard to reconcile, so we ended it. The end of that relationship happened at the same time when I met a wonderful man who has made me feel like nobody before. It was one of those relationships when somebody just gets you, they can feel you on a deeper lever and it made me feel so alive. We started a relationship, but with no expectations, our jobs were hectic and we were on the road the whole time so we were each others comfort and joy. It was just magical, but we were both aware that I was there temporarily so we didn't push hard to consider it to be really serious. However, things got more serious, and very deep bond between us just couldn't let us stay apart after my project was done. After 6 months of casual seeing each other I started looking for summer jobs in that country so I could stay a bit longer. Fortune favors the brave so I landed a fantastic job in my field, not only for the summer but for the following year. It seemed everything was just meant to be. He was even happier than me that I was about to move to his city and have a steady job. We had vacation together and everything was fine until he showed our pics to his family. They were surprised he was dating a foreigner and didn't really approve of the idea. Someone filled his head with some craziness like that I would leave him after we have kids and steal the kids (!!!). Foreigners are not very much liked here as family members in many more conservative families so I was demonized by them from the beginning. This is why he actually wanted to break up before I went home for a month (before my new job began). He said that cultural differences between us are too big. I asked which cultural differences those were, and got not much back from him, but it all just sounded like a very lame reason. I told him I will respect his decision as long as this is his not somebody else's idea. He said he needed some time to think about it. We split up and I went back home for a while, we were officially not together. We kept in touch all the time and I just felt we were still very much in love. I felt terrible knowing that I might be moving to a new country alone, while the only reason to go there was our relationship to begin with. Anyway, three weeks after I went home we spoke on skype and decided we can't be without each other. He even talked me into coming earlier so we could spend some time before I start working. Our relationship ever since has had its up and downs as any other but we have always had amazing communication, and were great lovers and great friends. We had problems, mostly because I felt alone in the new environment and got a little needy. At the same time, he didn't want to commit to the relationship more, cause of the pressures coming from his family. We are both strong personalities, and I guess that it was difficult for him to keep his "role" in our relationship. Coming from a culture where men dominate I admit I must have been a bit of a challenge sometimes. But on the other hand I have never tried so hard, I was patient beyond the limit I thought was possible, we were both very tolerant. He introduced me to his family, and I didn't feel very welcome. Add to that my basic language skills and they couldnt even get to know me better. It just stopped there and I felt like regardless of our great relationship we just reached this point where we were aware there was no future together. I was not happy and he couldn't see me like this. I was the one who started the "talk" and initiated our break up. I was so heartbroken. But what happened after was amazing. I got sick and he took care of me like nothing happened, knowing I had no other people I could truly rely on. He was there for me always and still is. We talk daily as friends and there is no doubt we are crazy about each other. I am not sure I would wanna stay in that country forever, so he is right when he says that maybe it's better like this. I feel ashamed to say that I wish he loved me more so he could just break away from social expectations of him and be more decisive to commit to our relationship. I feel ashamed cause it's clear to me and everyone around us that we are truly loving each other and I just wish he loved me more.
Author anamur Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 No, he didn't, and since we were officially broken up, I wouldn't really care. The saddest thing is this issue of making your family happy instead of following your heart. And the fact we broke up once before because of this, got back together and now it's an issue once again (or maybe just an excuse to take the easier way out and make other people happy). I felt like I gave up on many things to be with him, and never questioned anything. Even now I'm not planning to go back to my country. It's just sad to love each other and not see future together cause of the way other people imagine your future and you feel emotionally responsible for their happiness.
Author anamur Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 So it's been a few days and we have talked a lot. Turns out there were some other issues as well. Apparently, he never wanted to admit he was afraid I would just go somewhere else. He says I am to independent and one day I could just leave to any other place OMG, I just dont wanna think about it anymore
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