alkanol Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Hi everyone. I'm in my final year of school and my studies are incredibly important to me but I'm a little distracted from not being 100% over my ex. I'm forgiving myself because it's only been a about week, but it is the second time we've broken up. The first time he dumped me and I took it really badly, but the second time round I realised he wasn't making me happy at all and he was always negative and it dragged me down: so I asked for a break up. I'd say the second time was pretty mutual, he didn't really oppose my idea. (And for some reason this slightly offended me. I have awful dignity issues) Thankfully I don't bump into him much and I often can get away with days where I don't see him at all. But the bigger problem for me is that we have many mutual friends so I still hear of him. Compared to the last break up, I've been doing so much better; I've yet to cry (although have been tempted to) and the proportion of time I spend being upset about it is incredibly diminished. But since it's our final year and everyone's turning 18, for some reason I get really freaked out when he goes to an alcohol-involved party - I get into that silly mindset of, will he hook up with someone else and forget about me fast? I know it's not my business and I try avoiding finding out, but it keeps bothering me. As a perfectionist, I strive to be 100% over him ASAP; I don't like being 'almost there', and I don't like it when I'm a slightly bit upset. That sounds so silly but perhaps that should be noted... I'm beginning to think I might subconsciously desire to 'win the break up' because I feel like he will without a doubt move on faster than me. I wish I just didn't care who moved on when and just really didn't care about what he did. I want to wish him well but deep down I don't feel that way; I have that immature desire to be the 'happier' one and this sort of mentality has been the only thing hurting me. I know by the time school ends it will be a lot easier because we will definitely go opposite ways, and the chances of bumping into him again are incredibly slim, if not 0. But this year is so important to me and I don't want to keep dwelling on the past. So I guess what I'm saying, is how can I grow out of my poor mindset and enjoy my final year even though to some extent, he's still within my life? I feel like I should just train myself to be able to cope with this just in case I have to like... work with an ex or something, haha. Thanks.
sin Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 If you really think your studies are that important and if you think that he is going to be a distraction, all you can do is avoid your mutual friends and spend more time with other friends. Or when they say his name, just turn around the topic. I also think that your mutual friends shouldn't be so stupid to mention him or talk about him more that needed, so if they see that you don't want to hear about him or anything else, I dont think that they will bother you as much.
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