Chassy13 Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 My girlfriend and I have been dating for around 3 months. We are not having sex, and I am her first boyfriend. Today she said that she feels a lot of guilt. She says it has progressed from a lot to a lot less, but it is still there. She feels a little guilt after every kiss, and making out you can tell it's on her mind more than usual. She says that she cannot pinpoint a reason for the guilt, that it's just there, but she wants to get rid of it. She tells me to not stop what I'm doing and that it's not my fault. She says she loves to do those things and that her mind tells her it's wrong, but she knows it isn't wrong, it is just there, and that she still loves to kiss me and everything. She says she wants to get rid of it horribly because she knows it bothers me and is hurting our relationship badly, and it bothers her too. She also says that she believes one day the feelings will be completely gone, and that they used to be there for hugs even but has vanished. She is a Catholic. I know she goes to Church a few times per month but I have no idea if this is the source of the issue. I will ask her this directly. Any ideas what could be up? And more importantly, anything I can do to boost her mood and help her through this? I'm really nervous this is going to stick around and not disappear, I don't feel comfortable dating someone who is constantly hesitating, although I have been pretty patient and am not trying to push her into anything she doesn't want to do.
dasein Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Going to leap way out on a limb here and say there is more frustration going on here than guilt. IMO the answer is to get more overtly sexual in a light, no big deal way, with her, and when she starts up with the guilt talk, tell her there was only one immaculate conception and the rest of us are horny little devils. Get her having lots of orgasms and the guilt should go away. Joke, deflect and f-ck her away from the guilt. Good luck.
Author Chassy13 Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 Thanks for the response. Bump for any more input?
rainfall Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 You say she is Catholic... I went to a private Christian school for a few years growing up and there was one teacher there who "taught" that anything sexual with anyone was a sin and you were evil. You also said you are her first boyfriend. Is she your first girlfriend? I remember I always thought my first boyfriend compared my kissing skills to his past girlfriend so I would sometimes say I felt guilty because I was worried I was bad at it. If its not one of these two things, I'm not sure what it could be. You did say she said it seems to be going away, so maybe just give her the time she needs and reassure her that you care about her and will be happy to take things as slow as she wants because you don't want her to feel guilty about anything.
Author Chassy13 Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 You say she is Catholic... I went to a private Christian school for a few years growing up and there was one teacher there who "taught" that anything sexual with anyone was a sin and you were evil. You also said you are her first boyfriend. Is she your first girlfriend? I remember I always thought my first boyfriend compared my kissing skills to his past girlfriend so I would sometimes say I felt guilty because I was worried I was bad at it. If its not one of these two things, I'm not sure what it could be. You did say she said it seems to be going away, so maybe just give her the time she needs and reassure her that you care about her and will be happy to take things as slow as she wants because you don't want her to feel guilty about anything. First off, thanks for the reply! I have had two girlfriends in the past, and none we serious. This is the first relationship I've had in about 5 years. She told me today that I'm an amazing kisser and I've told her that before too. She sent me a very long message today explaining the situation because she knew it was really hurting us both. She has told me that religion is not really affecting it all. She told me she has her own opinions and she told me what they were. I asked her if she just feels dirty or something doing it, and she said that sounds like a major cause. She stated that she does not like the feeling of that being there, that it is automatic, and that she loves kissing. I know her enough to tell that she is being serious and not just trying to be nice. She says she has improved a lot since what she used to be and she will have to just get used to it. She told me that she trusts me and that she hates the feelings she's been having. She told me to keep continuing and not to hesitate because she loves to kiss or make out, the feeling just kind of hangs there. I can tell when it's present because she won't be smiling when we make out. She also mentioned that she knows it's hurting our relationship and she promised that she will do whatever it takes to get rid of it completely. I guess this is my solution: Give it time, continue to show her love like that, and just let her feel comfortable. I feel like the only way is kind of what dasein said, to basically just make it come out of her by experiencing it - to a lesser extent. I feel like I'm moving at a faster pace and it is a bit of a challenge to slow down, but I will try my best. Thank you for the help, and if anyone else has any 2 cents to throw in, please do!
ChessPieceFace Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Going to leap way out on a limb here and say there is more frustration going on here than guilt. IMO the answer is to get more overtly sexual in a light, no big deal way, with her, and when she starts up with the guilt talk, tell her there was only one immaculate conception and the rest of us are horny little devils. Get her having lots of orgasms and the guilt should go away. Joke, deflect and f-ck her away from the guilt. Good luck. Anti-religious, crude advice which will probably make the OP's GF break up with him. Nice. OP, your GFs catholic upbringing is undoubtedly the source of the guilt. I'd advise figuring out how to steer her more toward a healthy view of sex, rather than what dasein suggested, which would be trampling all over the belief systems she's lived with her whole life. Your choice though.
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