He cheated for a year, our families found out. I'm trying to forgive. What now?

[SunnyFlowers08]

My bf of 4 years decided to cheat on me with one of his coworkers for the span of a year with his coworker. I'm 23, he's 25, she's 30 and has a kid and husband. We have since discussed where both he and I went wrong in our relationship (we were long distance for 2 years) and just how what he did was far from forgivable. But after time, and much discussion, we have decided to move forward. I have decided to forgive him. However, his family knows and mine does too. My mom decided to air my laundry out to everyone on my sidenof the family and now it appears there's no way for him to redeem himself.

We all make mistakes. We all make erronous situations. I'm choosing to forgive and move forward.

I understand the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater," but I really dont believe that that is always the case. It is very clear to everyone that he cares about me a lot as a figure in his life and is asking me to forgive him.

 

What can I do to fix this situation? i'm tired of trying to fight a battle that should be personal to only me. I understand that each side will be biased in their support, but I want my family's respect and support no matter what the choice. They have advised that they will lose respect for me and think I'm a fool if I go back.

 

I just know I have made worse mistakes in my past with people I love and I have fought tooth and nail to redeem myself. Why cant he have the same option if he is sincere and regretful?

[SunnyFlowers08]

Any ideas?

[lovelifexx]

I understand that you can forgive your bf. I cheated on my ex really bad when I was younger. He never forgave me. I regret it immensely and have loved him all these years. (We have a child together). I have never and will never cheat again.

 

I guess he will also have to regain the trust of your family too. They are just trying to protect you, but I understand it doesnt help so much. I guess just don't let your family get so involved during the intitial stages. Try not to talk about it with them so much and just spend time the two of you. Avoid family functions in the beginning.

 

Will you go to couples therapy? I went with my ex and it helped so much. I really recommend it.

 

Good luck. xx

[Simon Phoenix]

Cheated on you for a year? And you are taking him back? Yeesh. It's one thing to get drunk and accidentally hook up with someone once, but for a year? That's just cruel.

 

And that sentiment is exactly the one your family has. And it's probably not going to change -- he's always going to be the guy who betrayed you for a year. I really don't know what he can do to change their mind -- if I was in your family I'd have a hard time letting this guy in my house.

[Love Bytes]

Getting drunk and sleeping with someone regretfully is a mistake. Having a year long affair with a co-worker is not. There's no mistake. It's something he wanted to do, and continued to do for a long time.