creighton0123 Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I went out on two dates with a guy who has said that in the past, he has not introduced anyone to his friends as a whole group. I'm not quite sure what to make of this. I got out of a relationship of two years not so long ago and am a little rusty, but feel as though introducing to friends after a month or two of dating is quite common. We're not children. We're adults. 27 (him) and 28 (me). Has anyone seen this or would anyone have a problem with this? I often find dating other men that family or long-term friends are often not met because not everyone is out of the closet, but close friends whom are comfortable and willing?
Djz05 Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Maybe there's some friends of his that might be too waaaaaay out there that he would thinks you would be uncomfortable with.
Author creighton0123 Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 Perhaps, but from talking about his friends, it seems that they're ordinary people in a similar situation in life that I am in: young, urban professionals. To say outright that he has had trouble introducing people to his friends... while on a second date... is odd in itself. I know from my experience with dating that I prefer dating people who do not have holdups when it comes to dating. This means people who are more relaxed and respond to social situations. I'll give this guy the benefit of a third date. I have a three date rule (give every person I date at least three dates before I make up my mind). Not too sure it'll grow beyond that.
Els Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Does he have any close friends who know that he's gay, in the first place?
Author creighton0123 Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 Does he have any close friends who know that he's gay, in the first place? Yeah. He's out to all of his friends and has had, from my understanding, a few long term relationships in the past. He specifically said he is hesitant when it comes to introducing people to his friends. I think, for me, this is a turn off. Wouldn't want to date someone long term who would have two completely separate lives: a relationship life and a personal life. Having one's own friends is important, but not having them ever meet the person you're dating is odd.
MrCastle Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I don't introduce women I'm dating to my friends. Most of my friends are in relationships so it's not a fear of them stealing the girl from me or anything like that. I'm a private person. Who cares who my friends are. The only focus should be that you're attracted to me. This stance will change when I get serious with a girl but as far as casual dating does; I don't introduce them to my friends because there's no reason to. 1
ltjg45 Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I don't introduce women I'm dating to my friends. Most of my friends are in relationships so it's not a fear of them stealing the girl from me or anything like that. I'm a private person. Who cares who my friends are. The only focus should be that you're attracted to me. This stance will change when I get serious with a girl but as far as casual dating does; I don't introduce them to my friends because there's no reason to. I have to agree with this. While I don't have a social circle, I feel it is way too soon to be introducing someone I'm dating to my social circle (if I have one). After all, it could end the very next day and then, after all, the introduction was frankly a waste of time. After all, we are trying to feel each other out first. Once we actually go exclusive is when I feel it is a proper time to introduce you to the others. 1
Radu Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I don't introduce women I'm dating to my friends. Most of my friends are in relationships so it's not a fear of them stealing the girl from me or anything like that. I'm a private person. Who cares who my friends are. The only focus should be that you're attracted to me. This stance will change when I get serious with a girl but as far as casual dating does; I don't introduce them to my friends because there's no reason to. I do the same with girls. It's mostly because i'm horribly shy [still]. 1
Author creighton0123 Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 I don't introduce women I'm dating to my friends. Most of my friends are in relationships so it's not a fear of them stealing the girl from me or anything like that. I'm a private person. Who cares who my friends are. The only focus should be that you're attracted to me. This stance will change when I get serious with a girl but as far as casual dating does; I don't introduce them to my friends because there's no reason to. Still... I do find this somewhat strange and counterproductive to how I want to live my life. I'm not suggesting becoming best friends with the friends of a person I'm dating. I'm simply suggesting wanting to know the close friends of the person I'm dating and having them know me for the purpose of mutual support and approval.
Author creighton0123 Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 I have to agree with this. While I don't have a social circle, I feel it is way too soon to be introducing someone I'm dating to my social circle (if I have one). After all, it could end the very next day and then, after all, the introduction was frankly a waste of time. After all, we are trying to feel each other out first. Once we actually go exclusive is when I feel it is a proper time to introduce you to the others. Not so much talking about right away. I believe he mentioned one of his relationships was a few years back and lasted for a year and a half and never met anyone close to the guy in that time.... I feel two months into a relationship is a good amount of time to meet some friends in a casual setting.
Author creighton0123 Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 I have a friend who has super-strict personal policies about keeping her friends and her love life separate. She says it's to avoid drama if (when) it doesn't work out. I have to say, having recently broken up with someone I have many friends in common with, I really see her point now. :/ I can see that. I'm not quite sure I could date someone like that... It all comes down to maturity and how easy going a person is. I'm not in college anymore and don't care for doing something that I see as nonsensical in order to avoid "drama". I was friends with my ex's friends and when him and I broke up, I bowed out and went my own way. The same has been true of any other ex that I've broken up with who knew my friends. In my mind, dating someone long term means living your lives together, not living one life with the person you're dating and another life with everyone else...
Ruby Slippers Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 In my mind, dating someone long term means living your lives together, not living one life with the person you're dating and another life with everyone else... I agree. It would be a big minus for me. I probably couldn't date a guy who had no intentions of meeting each other's friends and intertwining our lives. One of the signs that tells me I really like a guy is when I can't wait for my friends to meet him.
ltjg45 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I feel two months into a relationship is a good amount of time to meet some friends in a casual setting. By then, you two should have already decided if you want to be exclusive or not. If the relationship is not exclusive by then, I'm pretty confident it's not going to work out in the long term.
Author creighton0123 Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 By then, you two should have already decided if you want to be exclusive or not. If the relationship is not exclusive by then, I'm pretty confident it's not going to work out in the long term. Yeah. That was an opinion. Third date is on Thursday. After the date, going to say that I'm not too interested in a fourth date and leave it at that.
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