Author unevenXchange Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 Well.........you know what? Another posted mentioned something about him not valuing my opinion. Not sure which post it's in, but it was early in this thread. He finally responded that night. His response seemed very in denial-like. "baby, calm down"... hu? "are you ready to talk to me like normal now"...hu? On the phone, he carries the conversation as if I never mentioned ending the relationship. He acted like I was upset, yelling, screaming, etc. I was none of those things. When he called me I was pretty laid back actually. Since I was washing dishes when he called, I had to put him on hold immediately so he asked me what I was doing. We tried making small talk, "how's your day". I responded and told him it was cool. Didn't want to have to make the decision to end things, but it was the best thing considering how things were going (is what I said). Here's the kicker: He puts his adorable son on the phone to speak to me(he knows I adore his little son) and tells him to say hello and of course I speak with him and my heart melts. Then he gets back on the phone and says, "i love you. I miss you." Then he says, "When am I going to see you ?" ......I get quiet due to confusion..... Him, "hello?" Me, "yes?" Him, "i said, when am i going to see you? are we going to try to see each other?" Me, "........what do you mean, what ...would... be ....the purpose? I'm confused... do you realize and understand the purpose of my text messages to you today about our relationship...?" Him, "I thought you were upset about things, but you said you weren't so it's all fixed now.(hu?) So there's no problem." Me, "are you joking" Him, "are we going to see each other soon?" Me, (really confused)..."ahhh, I don't really know how to respond to this nor can I make promises since we just discussed everything." It's like he totally disregarded everything I said in the messages to him earlier that day. I'm pretty much paralyzed with confusion now. Haven't spoken to him since then. Don't know if I ever will again...
muse08 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 wow. does he even realize you were breaking up with him? what were some key words you used when communicating the break up to him? otherwise, he's a borderline wacko... (no offense )
Author unevenXchange Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 ...well, yeah his response threw me for a loop. I thought I made it clear that I was ending things. To summarize I told him that I could not go on with him. Telling him he's great but we're not compatible in many areas that mean a lot to me. I told him I'd miss him , thanked him for the good times and for teaching me things he may not realize he taught me. and I told him that my love for him was real, but this relationship is no longer good... Could I have been more explicit...
muse08 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I think you were pretty str8 toward. Some guys just don't get it unless you're mean... even then, they sometimes still don't get it simply because they CHOOSE not to get it.
Author unevenXchange Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 Thanks. I'm kind of feeling like I still miss him. But again I think I probably should have let him go sooner than later. Life is really like a box of chocolates ...
surferchic Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Thanks. I'm kind of feeling like I still miss him. But again I think I probably should have let him go sooner than later. Life is really like a box of chocolates ... So true. However, I believe you may have moved a bit prematurely. I only say that because you can still love and care for him while seeing how far he'd go without changing for the better. Nothing's guaranteed of course, but by reading your posts it's clear that you don't want to be alone for years down the line...
Author unevenXchange Posted March 21, 2013 Author Posted March 21, 2013 nope... i don't want to be alone forever. who knows, maybe we'll get back together. maybe we won't. maybe i'll meet someone else years from now...who knows?
Author unevenXchange Posted March 21, 2013 Author Posted March 21, 2013 something else to add regarding my ex sharing emotions in relationship to me sharing mine w/ my most recent guy. a previous poster mentioned the connection/patter. my older guy did express his feelings about me, just not TO me. he'd share with his family and the message would get back to me from my people. they'd tell my people how excited he was. but we were together he never verbally said it. however, i could honestly tell from his actions that he was so happy in my presence...even nervous sometimes and would stare at me(like my newer guy) as if he wanted to tell me something... it's crazy how life turns out sometimes.
IAmRobot Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 something else to add regarding my ex sharing emotions in relationship to me sharing mine w/ my most recent guy. a previous poster mentioned the connection/patter. my older guy did express his feelings about me, just not TO me. he'd share with his family and the message would get back to me from my people. they'd tell my people how excited he was. but we were together he never verbally said it. however, i could honestly tell from his actions that he was so happy in my presence...even nervous sometimes and would stare at me(like my newer guy) as if he wanted to tell me something... it's crazy how life turns out sometimes. Interesting... Well Stay Strong! And either way I'd suggest working on your communication skills. As for NG, I would have suggested telling him in person and being more direct about things. I.e express to him exactly what you said in all this thread. It would have helped both of you understand better. Good Luck!
Author unevenXchange Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 (edited) Interesting... Well Stay Strong! And either way I'd suggest working on your communication skills. As for NG, I would have suggested telling him in person and being more direct about things. I.e express to him exactly what you said in all this thread. It would have helped both of you understand better. Good Luck! Thanks for the feedback. So we saw each other yesterday. After him telling me he missed me several times and me really missing him, I got weak. He called me on my way home from work. As soon as I said hello he barely said hello back then asked me "who is that guy in the car with you?". ...ahhh no one. So I'm thinking he's joking really... I agreed to stop by after work yesterday since his place is on my way home from work. He wanted me to stay over and I really...really wanted to, but I knew that wasn't a good idea. Things would have gone too far and I wasnt ready for that, so I didn't stay. When I get to his spot he asks again about the "guy in the car with me". So I'm like, "are you serious"...it was the radio and he thinks it was a guy. So I said... "i can't believe you're asking me that.I got quiet as he rubbed my hands and watched TV. When I didn't respond he asks again as he looks over at me. I said, "it was no one". He assumes I'm being dishonest. He then stopped rubbing my hands and looked back at the TV as if in deep thought. Then he starts rubbing my hand again. So... the evening progresses...It seems like he tries to get more intense each time I see him. While there starts taking pictures of us with his cell phone while we were sitting on his couch, like we're this settled couple. He'd never taken pictures of us before so why then? Then he called his sister and brother and in speaking with them told them I was there. I already met his brother (cool) but not his sister. So he calls his sister... while talking to his sister he got on video chat on his cell phone and introduces us... while I was flipping channels on the TV. I didn't even know he was going to do it. He turned his entire body around so that he could put me in the camera's view and just put the camera on me and introduced us. It was weird, but I didn't want to make him feel bad so I didn't say anything about it. Had he done this prior to our so called break up, then it would be no big deal to me. But at this point, I'd never do that with someone who I just broke up with. Guess everybody's different. Edited March 23, 2013 by unevenXchange
surferchic Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 wow. what are your intentions at this point? seems as though he obviously has not intentions of letting you go that easily. the trip to his place may have not been your best course of action if you intended to really leave him alone. now he's getting more family involved.
Author unevenXchange Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 wow. what are your intentions at this point? seems as though he obviously has not intentions of letting you go that easily. the trip to his place may have not been your best course of action if you intended to really leave him alone. now he's getting more family involved. i'm not sure. i still care for him and when i saw him the other day i was so happy to see him.on my way out of the door, he kept kissing and holding me not wanting to let me go and saying he loved me. still i left because i didn't want to be intimate with him and start a cycle of being physical then on the rocks, etc... i feel like i need to make sure we care enough about one another to make it work. as i left he said he wanted to come visit me in a few days...to stay for a few days. he repeated and said "can i? is that alright?". i responded sure, just let me know and told him i loved him too. i still think about my ex though, but we're done to the point of no return i think. so that's where i am right now...i.e. NOWHERE, not sure of my intentions. i just want to be happy and give and receive love. i feel like i have enough love to give more than one man at the same time. is that wrong?
muse08 Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Lol. Yep, you weren't ready to let him go... you're confused. No harm intended, but you may have to end up hurting him or vice versa in order for you to finally see the light. He really does seem to want control of the relationship and he almost has it when you stop and think about it. He's told you want he wanted, you said nothing to contradict it. He doesn't want to break up, you are still speaking to him and seeing him and playing with the thought of him coming to see you/stay with you for a few days. Oh, just fyi, he may try and pull a slick one on you and try staying like...forever! He could find some crazy reason to move in with you, i.e. "baby, I'm getting evicted, baby let's split our bills and work together to make life easier, baby, I don't I can't stand being without you! will you marry me (again! but with the ring,lol). Especially since you won't agree to stay with him. So you have stood your ground on some things , but he's definitely trying to push your limits, so remember that.
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