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Should I tell my GF I cheated, or just break up with her and not tell her (or stay)?

Lucan

By Lucan
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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Lucan New Member

Lucan

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My GF and I have been together for 13 months and the entire relationship has been long distance. We knew each other for quite a while, then she moved to Australia for university. We started dating last February, because she was supposed to be done that July. She ended up staying an extra year, and now she might not be back until December.

 

I was at a party the other night, got drunk (not an excuse) and cheated on her. I didn't have sex, just made out with a girl and there was some touching. But I honestly can't say if I would have had sex with the girl or not, if that was an option. I feel like crap about it. The night before I cheated, we were having a bit of a rough patch because I was feeling unhappy with the relationship, which made her upset because she didn't want me to break up with her.

 

I don't know if I should tell her or not. All it will do is hurt her. She has now been cheated on by every BF she has had. I'm not sure if I should just keep it to myself and stay with her or keep it to myself and break up with her. She is really sensitive. She got pretty upset when a random drunk girl kissed me on the cheek or if anything at all comes up about someone I hooked up with before. We don't have common friends at all, so if we broke up she would never find out about it. It possibly could come up if she was around my friends though, they don't always think before they speak.

 

I do love her, and considering we are long distance she makes me pretty happy, but I do feel like I've been slowly losing feelings for her.

sayyes19 Member

sayyes19

Posted
Posted
My GF and I have been together for 13 months and the entire relationship has been long distance. We knew each other for quite a while, then she moved to Australia for university. We started dating last February, because she was supposed to be done that July. She ended up staying an extra year, and now she might not be back until December.

 

I was at a party the other night, got drunk (not an excuse) and cheated on her. I didn't have sex, just made out with a girl and there was some touching. But I honestly can't say if I would have had sex with the girl or not, if that was an option. I feel like crap about it. The night before I cheated, we were having a bit of a rough patch because I was feeling unhappy with the relationship, which made her upset because she didn't want me to break up with her.

 

I don't know if I should tell her or not. All it will do is hurt her. She has now been cheated on by every BF she has had. I'm not sure if I should just keep it to myself and stay with her or keep it to myself and break up with her. She is really sensitive. She got pretty upset when a random drunk girl kissed me on the cheek or if anything at all comes up about someone I hooked up with before. We don't have common friends at all, so if we broke up she would never find out about it. It possibly could come up if she was around my friends though, they don't always think before they speak.

 

I do love her, and considering we are long distance she makes me pretty happy, but I do feel like I've been slowly losing feelings for her.

 

You don't love her. You care about her well being quite a bit, but you don't love her. Just tell her what you did. She deserves to know why you are breaking up.

  • Like 3
LonelyInsomniac Member

LonelyInsomniac

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She deserves to know it's not in her head.

 

If you don't tell her, she'll likely just torture herself with the prospect of another woman in the picture - and she'll be right. When someone's been through that - they recognize the signs, even if it's only in hindsight. And having to put that extra work into finding that closure is a special kind of hell.

 

Give her the chance to come to terms with it. It wouldn't be for her sake that this information is withheld.

  • Like 3
SoleMate Established Member

SoleMate

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It's hard to maintain an LDR, and it doesn't seem to be working. I suggest breaking up.

Cogee Established Member

Cogee

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Coming from a guy who was in your gf shoes, just please tell her the truth. It's natural that your feelings are fading due to the distance involved which is why these types of relationships are the hardest to hold.

 

You can look deep inside to figure out why things are fading and ask yourself what you could be doing to change that, or what she could be doing. If you want to save it you have to figure out a compromise that works for you both. Regardless, you should tell her the truth anyway because now you will have it linger in your mind.

Sparkly24 Member

Sparkly24

Posted
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best to hurt her with the truth than comfort her with a lie. i bet all of her other ex blokes cheated on her too and tried to hide it, and that is what is painful, because she thinks she is in love with someone who is not actually being real, and being honest. A relationship is about a real connection - you are not a bad person for making a mistake, you are a human and it happpens, but keeping it from her will stop it from being real for you and for her, because you will stop being the person she thinks you are if that makes sense? The fact that you are considering her feelings at all makes you more of a man than most. Use this as an opportunity to ask yourself why you cheated... what did you enjoy about the experience, what did you gain from this girl that you have not had from your gf? find out what this is, what motivated you, and go and talk to her. just be very gentle and honest, and she will appreciate your honesty and if she loves you she will try to understand you. she might have problems that she has not had the chance to talk to you about - she might have cheated on you while she was in Oz... you dont know unless you open up. thats my advice anyway, good luck hun xxx

aed Established Member

aed

Posted
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Always be Honest. So tell.

 

When you break up, tell you cheated and you want to break up because... reason you cheated.

 

When you want to stay together: tell her you cheated and let her make a decision and work hard and fix your issue's.

 

in both casus dont blame your girl. Your choice, your action.

  • Like 1
TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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Opinions are unanimous.

 

Just add mine to the chorus.

Neffer Established Member

Neffer

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As all have said - tell the truth. Own your actions.

 

You aren't saving her any pain

  • Like 1
nofool4u Established Member

nofool4u

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Should I tell my GF I cheated, or just break up with her and not tell her (or stay)?

 

You definitely DO NOT stay. She deserves better.

 

As far as telling her, she has a right to know. If you break up, she will always be wondering why and may never have closure and may even seek to still be with you later.

 

You break up, tell her you cheated so she knows the reason why, and so she can see you for what you are so she doesn't pine for such a person (even though thats not a guarantee)

  • Like 2
Neffer Established Member

Neffer

Posted
Posted

 

You break up, tell her you cheated so she knows the reason why, and so she can see you for what you are so she doesn't pine for such a person (even though thats not a guarantee)

 

This is important. You could potentially rob her of even more time if you don't let her know who you really are. You coming off as a good guy/ a loss is essentially wasting her time. She can get over you more easily if she knows the truth ...hopefully (yeah, no guarantee).

 

She will likely find out in the end anyhow and then the wound will open up and be fresh and she will feel like a fool on top of everything. Own up and let her move on.

  • Like 1
TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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Three days since the OP Trolled posted.

No response.

 

he must be busy....

 

Ya think?

The_Face Established Member

The_Face

Posted
Posted
Three days since the OP Trolled posted.

No response.

 

he must be busy....

 

Ya think?

 

Maybe he was upset nobody told him to continue lying to his girlfriend?

 

OP, if you're looking for opinions here, it seems everyone so far agrees: Tell her the truth.

 

If you really care about her, you'll tell her. Especially if you wanted to try to stay with her, you'll tell her.

 

Best of luck to you, hope you do what's right.

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